Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess words like "Winchester" and "Hagerstown" are dirty words among this crowd.

I would NOT go to grad school unless (1) you're not adding to your student debt and/or (2) you'll be assured or nearly so of increased salary.

If she works in Fairfax or DC, she will put more than what she's saving on housing into her gas tank. And she'll spend hours in the car each day. It's not worth it, especially when you have small children. Employers in the far flung burbs also don't pay as much as the employers in the close in burbs or downtown.

And the increase in pay you'd get in the close-in burbs is more than made up by an increase in rent and an increase in crowds to run daily errands (seriously, compare the crowds at the Winchester/Front Royal Targets to the crowd at the Potomac Yard Target). I'd rather make $9/hr in Winchester than $12/hr in Fairfax or $13/hr in DC. Now if OP can get a place in Frederick, that might work -- MARC access, good schools, reasonably vibrant scene. Not all of us get to live in Old Town, the hip parts of DC, or Bethesda, nor should we really.

Now the "no car' thing is a more serious consideration, but still ... why the need for grad school? It just seems too many folks go to grad school out of a "gee, I don't know what else to do" vibe instead of a "hey, this will really further my career" or "hey, this sounds really interesting" vibe.

It just seems the barriers to entry for Section 8 and the such serve more to dissuade honest folks that do need assistance than the grifters who have the time and will to rip off the system.

Former social worker here. Unfortunately there is a loooooonnnnnng waiting list for section 8 in DC...could take years, even for people with physical disabilities (the population I used to work with). Very frustrating!

Anonymous wrote:I guess words like "Winchester" and "Hagerstown" are dirty words among this crowd.

I would NOT go to grad school unless (1) you're not adding to your student debt and/or (2) you'll be assured or nearly so of increased salary.

If she works in Fairfax or DC, she will put more than what she's saving on housing into her gas tank. And she'll spend hours in the car each day. It's not worth it, especially when you have small children. Employers in the far flung burbs also don't pay as much as the employers in the close in burbs or downtown.

Anonymous wrote:I guess words like "Winchester" and "Hagerstown" are dirty words among this crowd.

I would NOT go to grad school unless (1) you're not adding to your student debt and/or (2) you'll be assured or nearly so of increased salary.

Moving elsewhere was mentioned already. I brought up Frederick County earlier because it is less expensive. But seeing that OP doesn't have a car that would make her commute (and possibly things in general) difficult.

I guess words like "Winchester" and "Hagerstown" are dirty words among this crowd.

I would NOT go to grad school unless (1) you're not adding to your student debt and/or (2) you'll be assured or nearly so of increased salary.

i agree with 19:57. if your parents are cool with the current situation, consider staying with them for a while. save more $, go to grad school, give your child the love of extended family as you stabilize. that is what family is for.

I'm a grandmom. My daughter and her boyfriend live with me(no kids) and frankly, I'd be sad if they moved. We make it work, tho it helps that we all work different shifts and I work a lot of weekends, so they also have privacy.

But it's great, like having your best friend for a roomie.

I was a single mom who couldn't afford her own place years ago. If you and your parents are working it out, don't sweat it. It really is easier to have some support when the kids are little.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where do you live that you can't find a 1 BR under $1200? I live in DC and have never paid even close to that for a 1 BR-- and this was in Capitol Hill. If you're in the city, look into English basements, and go directly through owners rather than a rental company. The prices are much more reasonable.

ITA-- and I would add that if you find something inexpensive/ English basement 1 bed in a safer neighborhood like Capitol Hill, you can send your child to school at 3 yrs old next year (DC has free preschool programs). Maybe you should stay put and look into moving next year, late summer.

OP again.

This is the plan right now. I moved home this past spring, and the original plan was 6mo living with my parents (which we hit this month). Now, the plan is 12-15mo. I've been keeping an eye on craigslist for English basements (which really, with a loud preschooler is a better plan than an apt complex, I'd hate to be that neighbor, kwim?) The only problem is again, I can only afford rent if I get child support. I've been divorced for 2 years. I've gotten child support for 9 of those months, 6 of which were only because he was given the choice of paying or immediate jail time (side note: don't ever piss off the child support enforcement lawyers in TX, they don't screw around ). I really, really, really don't want to be relying on the ex for my housing. BTDT, it's one of the many reasons I'm now divorced.

And my family loves having us here. The last 2yrs, living 1500mi away were very hard, on me and on my parents. We've worked really hard to establish good boundaries and adult relationships, and it IS so nice to have other grownups around for when DS is being a pill (or I need to pee alone). I just had a conversation the other night with them about how long to stay and they don't want us to go yet. Any issues we have are pretty small, I'm lucky. I just feel like a loser, living at home at 27 with a kid. I'd like to date eventually. I want to walk naked from my bathroom to my bedroom without worrying about running into my dad. I want to occasionally have frozen pizza and beer for dinner without comments from my mom. I want to have friends over for dinner without having to ask permission. Small things, nothing huge, but still. I was on my own from 18 until this spring. It's an adjustment.

Thank you again for the kind words. I don't know any other single parents, my close friends don't have kids (aren't even married), the parents I know through daycare are all married and stable. The encouragement helps when I'm looking up at yet another fucking mountain I've got to climb.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.
Thanks for the kind words. I was a little nervous about posting here, thinking that there'd be more people like 00:14 responding.

I don't want anything luxurious like in the link. I can (and have) live without things like a dishwasher, A/C, outdoor space, cable, fancy counters, a gym/pool in the complex, etc. I'm happy with a 1bd, DS is young enough to share space for a little while longer. I want to be somewhere safe, but beyond that, I just want to be able to afford it.

I've been on welfare (medicaid, WIC, food stamps, daycare assistance) in the past, I WAS making only $22K (in a different area of the country) last year while going through my divorce and custody battle (which I'm still paying off). So, I've already come a long way. I'm just tired I guess. I feel like I should be further along at this point.

I have looked into grad school and am considering taking a few classes in the spring. I'm not sure I want to take on MORE debt when I just dug myself out of that hole (XH left me with about $10K in joint debt that he refused to pay). Esp since a grad degree doesn't guarantee a raise or better job (I'm an admin right now, so it'd be a career change as well).

Once DS is no longer in full-time daycare, things will be a little easier. He's only 2 though, so that's a ways off (I live in Fairfax county, no free preschool). I'll just keep plugging along, living at home, sucking up my embarrassment, saving all that I can. It's the new American family right? Multiple generations in one house? Ha.

Then there is before and after care to pay for and camps during the breaks of the school year and then all summer.Comes up to just slightly less than the last year of daycare.

Thank you for that ray of sunshine, pp.

Maybe it depends on where you live or what camps you do, but I've found care for elementary school kids, including camps, to be significantly cheaper than infant daycare (and two year old daycare when it down a little).

We don't do before care though, just after care, so maybe that's why.