Anonymous wrote:OP here - one night we had to stay with my husbands parents in upper marlboro (earth quake caused a little damage to our apt) anyway, he drove to the metro and took that to work...he seemed perfectly fine when he got back in the evening. Although if we moved to upper marlboro I would have to keep the car so he couldn't drive to the metro everyday. I am from a small town - far away from here. I just can't be happy in the city anymore, the best way to discribe it..I literally get sick at my stomach being here. I'm overwhelmed, it's hard to make friends because I'm so different because of where I came from etc * I'm from WV, but we're talking six hours away near KY.

That was for one day. One. People are describing the toll a long commute can take on an individual and their family over time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - one night we had to stay with my husbands parents in upper marlboro (earth quake caused a little damage to our apt) anyway, he drove to the metro and took that to work...he seemed perfectly fine when he got back in the evening. Although if we moved to upper marlboro I would have to keep the car so he couldn't drive to the metro everyday. I am from a small town - far away from here. I just can't be happy in the city anymore, the best way to discribe it..I literally get sick at my stomach being here. I'm overwhelmed, it's hard to make friends because I'm so different because of where I came from etc * I'm from WV, but we're talking six hours away near KY.

Not sure what you mean by "he seemed perfectly fine". Yes, a long commute is fine for ONE day, but after many months, it can wear you down.

I think you are homesick and dreaming, OP. The reality is that your DH will be exhausted by a long commute. I'm the poster whose husband has been doing this for a year. For the first six months, he was FINE. Really no problems, and he enjoyed it. But as time wore on, he got more and more exhausted by all that traveling, and by trying to cram in time with me and with the kids, a social life, exercise, church, other things he likes to do on the weekends and after work. It's impossible to do everything when you have so little time at home, and DH feels frustrated, and that frustration is stressful. Think carefully about what you need and what your family needs, OP. If we had another choice, we would not have done this. Listen to the PPs, and try to find a house or townhouse that will give you a less urban feeling, while your DH has a shorter commute. A commute of 45 minutes is the cutoff, OP. More, and you will regret it dearly.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - one night we had to stay with my husbands parents in upper marlboro (earth quake caused a little damage to our apt) anyway, he drove to the metro and took that to work...he seemed perfectly fine when he got back in the evening. Although if we moved to upper marlboro I would have to keep the car so he couldn't drive to the metro everyday. I am from a small town - far away from here. I just can't be happy in the city anymore, the best way to discribe it..I literally get sick at my stomach being here. I'm overwhelmed, it's hard to make friends because I'm so different because of where I came from etc * I'm from WV, but we're talking six hours away near KY.

Not sure what you mean by "he seemed perfectly fine". Yes, a long commute is fine for ONE day, but after many months, it can wear you down.

Anonymous wrote:I don't buy that the Dumfries-Dc commute is just an hour. I used to drive in from Vienna - much closer- and if I left after 7:00 a.m., it took over an hour for 15 miles. I just moved closer in because I was commuting 3 hours a day between daycare dropoff, pickup and commuting. it sucked, and I got very road-ragey at times. I don't think a bigger place is worth it, frankly.

That's because we have the 95 HOV lanes, 66 doesn't compare. The 95 ones move nicely almost always -- short of more severe weather or an accident. We have friends who live far closer with longer commutes. I would not want to drive for an hour but the bus does not bother me.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that Dumfries bus might really be an hour IF one of the stops happens to be exactly in front of your building, and on the way home IF you can tell your boss "I am leaving exactly now, and not ten minutes from now"... and since you probably don't live at the bus depot, how long is it from the time you turn your key to lock your own door until you get on the bus - gotta count that!?

The bus runs straight through my neighborhood. I walk 1 block to the bus then 1 block to the office door. For those who would need to drive to the commuter lot (those not in my zip -- the bus goes straight through my zip), sure, it would be longer.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - one night we had to stay with my husbands parents in upper marlboro (earth quake caused a little damage to our apt) anyway, he drove to the metro and took that to work...he seemed perfectly fine when he got back in the evening. Although if we moved to upper marlboro I would have to keep the car so he couldn't drive to the metro everyday. I am from a small town - far away from here. I just can't be happy in the city anymore, the best way to discribe it..I literally get sick at my stomach being here. I'm overwhelmed, it's hard to make friends because I'm so different because of where I came from etc * I'm from WV, but we're talking six hours away near KY.

The commuting times from PG suburbs are going to be dramatically different than those from N.VA (Dumfries/Manassas). My advice would be to focus on places that are accessible via public transit and won't break your bank. Listen to WTOP traffic reports in the AM. Find out about telecommuting/flexible schedule options.

OP, what about Olney or Brookeville, MD? What is your budget?

Have you thought about PG county plus private schools?

Mine is approx 1hour and 20 minutes each way. I drive the 15 minutes to the MARC train and that takes another hour with about 5 minutes to park the car and get on the train. For those that talk about being away from the kids, I leave before they awaken and get home at about 5:15. So not much worse and even better then many others.

I work at Bailey's Xroads, VA. I commute from Cap Hill by car - not bad (20 mins to work, 40 mins home - longer when I'm picking up kids). The guy next to me commutes from Bristow by public transportation - sometimes it is 2.5 hours going home in the evening. His marriage seems fine. He doesn't seem exhausted. He's not overweight - but I do feel like he's missing out on spending time with his kid. He can't work much overtime at work.

OP, is his office walking distance from one of the VRE stops (Lenfant, Crystal City, Union Station)? It might not be too soul-crushing if 1) he could walk to work from the VRE stop and 2) your house was within a few minutes of the VRE. Otherwise, forget it!

I lived in N. Arlington right by 66 and drove in on HOV to the McPherson Sq area and it took me around 45 min most days. I really don't understand how a commute from so much farther out can only be an hour. We live in Herndon now b/c our jobs are out here and none of our neighbors work in DC.

I wouldn't move that far out if I commuted to DC. I live not to far from Manassas/Bristow, but still in Fairfax County and the commute/drive on 66, route 28/29 is horrible on most evenings. I'm lucky now that my commute is 10 miles, but lately that has taken me 45 minutes. I use to commute to Tysons/McLean to work. Now that my commute is much shorter I'm so much happier, less stressed, have more time in the evenings (if the traffic is ok) w/ my DC. I'd love to have a big single family house and the ones in Bristow are lovely but I don't ever want a horrible/long commute again. Not to mention having a kid and making sure I'm not late to pick her up in the evenings. That was so stressful w/ my commute to/from Tysons. I'd take a smaller house and shorter commute any day. I'd suggest you move to Arlington county or Fairfax county close in. You'd still get a bigger house for your $$, be in the burbs and your DH would have a not too long of a commute, maybe via metro.

To the OP -- What is the attraction to Bristow (or, worse, Dumfries)? I understand your aversion to Alexandria and a more urban lifestyle but you can find closer-in suburbs with better commutes to suit your needs. For instance, in West Springfield or Burke, you can find a 3 br townhome to rent for a reasonable amount and still allow your DH a decent commute. There are a lot of us around here from small towns who wish the area had more character -- but it's your family and your lifestyle that mean more than anything. Believe me, a commute past 45 minutes is tough, tough, tough in this area.

To the OP - I understand what you're saying about not liking Alexandria. However, heading all the way out to Bristow or Dumfries is a huge, huge difference in commute, lifestyle, and time with your husband. Also, it's not like Bristow or Dumfries is a cute little town full of character that you're gaining by making that kind of sacrifice. What about a different suburb closer in? West Springfield or Burke are nice places that are no more or less suburban than Bristow or Dumfries (in fact, W.S. or Burke probably have more character, if that's possible). You can rent a 3 br townhome for a reasonable amount and your DH can have a better commute (not great but much better than from those exurbs!). What is the attraction to being all the way out in Bristow?

I agree that people underestimate their commutes. I live in Silver Spring, a 15 minute walk from the SS metro, and it took me between 45 min and 1 hour to commute to Farragut North each way. This is door to door. I can't believe someone in Dumfries or Bristow could get to work faster than me.