Anonymous wrote:.....and I hope that the judgmental PPs never have to sit up wondering whether someone is gonna bust through the door and harm your family because your DC decided to steal weed from a dealer. Or having to comfort a younger DS who had a gun pointed at him because someone was after his older brother for the above mentioned theft. That was the straw in our case. On the flip side, it was that incident and putting us in danger that made DS realize that he needed help.

I am a NP and I have has similar issues with my DS. And you can love, help, cajole, threaten, etc....sometimes it is not enough. Most parents are loving and will put up with so much to try to help their kids turn around. But all of us have a breaking point.

I'm glad to hear your DS recognized he needed help. My brothers never did and my parents, well, let's just say they had their own issues. It was pretty dysfunctional. What you say about love, help, cajoling, threatening, etc. is all true. It isn't enough. The kid must be willing and there comes a point that for the sanity and safety of everyone else, you have got to cut bait. My parents never did (particularly my mother) and continued to enable and feed destructive behavior. I was the one that left home to live with friends (and I'm immensely grateful to my friends' parents who were so kind to me). I disagree with the PP who said there's always hope. Sometimes, there's not and the sooner you accept it the sooner you can move on. You have to for your own well being.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

.....and I hope that the judgmental PPs never have to sit up wondering whether someone is gonna bust through the door and harm your family because your DC decided to steal weed from a dealer. Or having to comfort a younger DS who had a gun pointed at him because someone was after his older brother for the above mentioned theft. That was the straw in our case. On the flip side, it was that incident and putting us in danger that made DS realize that he needed help.

I am a NP and I have has similar issues with my DS. And you can love, help, cajole, threaten, etc....sometimes it is not enough. Most parents are loving and will put up with so much to try to help their kids turn around. But all of us have a breaking point.

You had the wrong approach
If your kid is that messed up, then you relocate and find some other spot in some distant location to live and work in.
Right now it sounds like you are just waiting for something much much worse to happen.

Chipotle Lady? Is that you? I think I recognize a few of your posts here. Go away.

Anonymous wrote:

.....and I hope that the judgmental PPs never have to sit up wondering whether someone is gonna bust through the door and harm your family because your DC decided to steal weed from a dealer. Or having to comfort a younger DS who had a gun pointed at him because someone was after his older brother for the above mentioned theft. That was the straw in our case. On the flip side, it was that incident and putting us in danger that made DS realize that he needed help.

I am a NP and I have has similar issues with my DS. And you can love, help, cajole, threaten, etc....sometimes it is not enough. Most parents are loving and will put up with so much to try to help their kids turn around. But all of us have a breaking point.

You had the wrong approach
If your kid is that messed up, then you relocate and find some other spot in some distant location to live and work in.
Right now it sounds like you are just waiting for something much much worse to happen.

Anonymous wrote:Yknow, after you beat your head against a wall for awhile you quit caring so it doesn't hurt so much. I hope you never sit up wondering wether your kid will come home or this time it will be the police calling....whether your reasonable attempts to stop your daughters physical lesbian affair at 13 will cause your kid to run to believing friends parents who will tell her you are mean and let her stay in their homes, or when exactly your family is gonna get busted for the humongous stash of pot you just found in her room...go ahead and get all judgmental. Have at it.

When I had the other kids, she was a bright happy kindergartener. Why shouldn't we have a family? Because the crystal ball didn't quite work?

.....and I hope that the judgmental PPs never have to sit up wondering whether someone is gonna bust through the door and harm your family because your DC decided to steal weed from a dealer. Or having to comfort a younger DS who had a gun pointed at him because someone was after his older brother for the above mentioned theft. That was the straw in our case. On the flip side, it was that incident and putting us in danger that made DS realize that he needed help.

I am a NP and I have has similar issues with my DS. And you can love, help, cajole, threaten, etc....sometimes it is not enough. Most parents are loving and will put up with so much to try to help their kids turn around. But all of us have a breaking point.

We went through this with my son. Everything hit the fan at 15. We ended up giving him a choice. His options were military school, treatment program, or do it on his own without our assistance (we could not take it anymore...his antics were wearing on the entire family and our marriage was suffering behind him). He chose to do it in his own and eventually moved in with my ex-husband's mother. She was able to see his behavior as well as his father (they all thought that we were being dramatic and overexaggerating) and they ended up having the same issues. In the end, once he burned all of his bridges, he came back for help. Now, 6 years later, he is thriving and doing well as a responsible junior in college. There is always hope...we just have to be firm and know when we are enabling them versus helping them.

Anonymous wrote:if your dad and stepmom have full custody of you,your only 15 and theyre planning on moving, can they let you liive with someone else legally?

Yes, this is possible. There's temporary custody transfers, etc...

I am walking a mile in the PP's shoes right now. Just started the walk. It is painful. Do not ever judge.

It is entirely possibly that the parents in the OP's story did not kick her out. She left/ ran away, and won't go back.

OP, all you can do is make sure she is on the radar of the school counselor, and then butt out. I know its painful, but this just isn't your responsibility. I do think a call to the school counselor is called for, however.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't know what they tried or what was going on at home before they let her leave. They may well have offered help, only to have it refused. At that age, most psych hospitals won't take/keep a child who refuses to consent to treatment.....sometimes the only thing you can do is let them go and pray.

She's not independent or living on her own. She's living at a friend's house. They kicked her out because of the drugs, stealing, and police trouble.

OP, how would you handle the situation, assuming you know better than these parents? Apparently, the police can't change her behavior and the parents don't think they can do anything more...so what's your solution? What do you think CPS is going to do that the police can't?

Wow, there sure are a lot of self-righteous judgmental people here! Until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes it's best to withhold your condemnation. You never know.

if your dad and stepmom have full custody of you,your only 15 and theyre planning on moving, can they let you liive with someone else legally?

was it easy for you or for your kid?

It's so much easier on the outside!