Anonymous wrote:It is the wise and responsible thing to do. Your family should consult an estate attorney.

You are not greedy and you want to plan - it makes perfect sense to know how much money your parents have, and to help them manage it. ESPECIALLY if you have to organize care for a sibling!

Is this an American, rabidly individualistic and independent thing? Posters on this board always respond MYOB when it comes to multi-generational money matters. I do not think that is responsible. But I'm French, and family money is just that - it belongs to the family and should be discussed.

It is important to plan ahead to get everyone to compromise now and avoid as much tax as possible. Saves a HUGE amount of heartbreak later, trust me - I've been there on all counts.

But this is not France or any other country in Europe where "family" money stays in the family. This is the United States and unless there is a trust the money belongs to the parents and they are free to do what they want with it.

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to ask. I can tell you that your inheritance expectation should be that you get nothing.

Why would you tell your parents you are relying on their money for college fund/retirement? Can you imagine how guilty they would feel if they ended up burning through money for medical bills? Or even vacations? If they want to spend 50,000 to go on a vacation, they should not have to think about the fact that you have already planned how you are going to use THEIR money.

exactly what i was thinking.

Anonymous wrote:If my children were to come to me and ask how much they should expect to get after I die, I would rip up our estate planning documents and have a lawyer draft a new will leaving everything to charity.

Well, I wouldn't go that far. That's just as stupid as them asking.

OP, I think the reason that so many people have jumped all over you on this thread was that your original question comes off as you asking what you'll get in the event that something happens to your parents. I am going to assume that your question comes not from a place of selfishness and greed, but from a genuine concern for what will happen during what is a completely inevitable event.

My grandmother died recently after a prolonged battle with cancer. In keeping with her general personality, she was in denial of her condition until the bitter end. She had a basic template of a will, that left everything to her husband. This is, of course, her prerogative, but it has led to a situation where a man who is basically incapacitated with grief is having to do all the estate planning post-hoc. It would have made the situation a lot easier if things had been spelled out in a comprehensive will, put together to spell out specific accounts and assets, rather than a general "All my earthly possessions I leave to my spouse" type of document. The lengthy process of getting everything in order has resulted in an even more prolonged period of grieving than would otherwise have taken place, in my opinion.

And this is a simple situation of a couple who have never been married to anyone else and who only have one child. It is also a situation that could have been anticipated from the day she received her terminal diagnosis, and her total denial that it would ever come to this is, in my opinion, extremely cowardly. (Yes, anger is a stage of grieving.)

I would never have asked her what my inheritance expectations should be. I would definitely never have asked if they should factor into my retirement plans. In your situation, however, with multiple siblings, one of whom will need long term care, it is reasonable to ask about estate planning. Just don't frame it like you want to know how much of their money is coming to you, or it WILL be as rude as the PPs think it is.

While it's perfectly reasonable to ask where all the important papers are, who has the mortgage, where the bank accounts, investment accounts, life insurance policeis, ect. are in case of a sudden unexpected death. I find it digustingly in bad taste to ask "How much cash to I get when you die?".

Family heirlooms are another matter. My parents have discussed with my sister and I about what family peices are important to us and then they made a list (and many are marked already with small tags in inconpicious places) to add onto their will. We don't know who gets what, except for what is tagged, but we agreed that talking about the "heirlooms" is better while our parents are still very much alive.

No, it isn't reasonable. It is ungrateful and selfish. Grow up and support yourself.

Anonymous wrote:my parents have some kind of long-term care insurance. If I don't inherit at least $350K I will be very disappointed.

Long-term care insurance isn't a perfect solution. Most have limits in terms of time or expenses covered, and few policies include inflation protection. There is also the possibility of a second marriage, or a desire to leave it all to charity.

Anonymous wrote: seems bizarre not to discuss it. my dad has spelled out exactly what they have in assets, what their plans are for in case of heath issues, and what they hope to be able to leave us. My mom has indicated to me which piece of property she would like to go to which kid. Pretty normal communication in my opinion.

Doesn't mean you COUNT on it, because circumstances obviously change.

I think this is exactly what makes OP's question bizarre. She mentions all the complications but doesn't seem to be asking in order to understand her parents' wishes or plans for her disabled sibling. She's asking specifically so that she can count on it as part of her own financial planning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not something that is discussed in my family.

seems bizarre not to discuss it. my dad has spelled out exactly what they have in assets, what their plans are for in case of heath issues, and what they hope to be able to leave us. My mom has indicated to me which piece of property she would like to go to which kid. Pretty normal communication in my opinion.

Doesn't mean you COUNT on it, because circumstances obviously change.

Well, you are certainly in the minority on this thread. I don't ask my parents how much money I'm going to get when they die. It's disgusting.

It's their money, and DH and I have planned and put away our OWN money for our retirement.

My father died when I was young, and since then my Mom has always been very open about $ and inheritances. It makes me uncomfortable.

That being said, my Mom is very wealthy and I know what to expect. She also lives in Canada, so there no long term health care costs... But... Who cares? I hope she lives until she's 112 and leaves it all to my kids. She bought me my first house and gave me a start in life, if she leaves anyone money, I hope it's her grandkids.

This post is outrageous. How can you even think about how much loot you can expect when your parents kick the bucket???

I hope they spend it all on themselves and leave you what you deserve... NOTHING!!!

Anonymous wrote:I would just ask if they have made arrangements for your sibling with special needs (e.g., special needs trust). Just say that you want to make sure he/she is taken care of.

I agree with this. As to asking how much you can expect? No. Even in my financially open family with my awesomely generous parents, I would never ask that. I hope they spend it all and have fun with it while they're alive.

"Children who might otherwise have each expected to receive 6-figure inheiritances instead received boxes of family photos and a few knick knacks. "

Love this one!!

Anonymous wrote:This is not something that is discussed in my family.

seems bizarre not to discuss it. my dad has spelled out exactly what they have in assets, what their plans are for in case of heath issues, and what they hope to be able to leave us. My mom has indicated to me which piece of property she would like to go to which kid. Pretty normal communication in my opinion.

Doesn't mean you COUNT on it, because circumstances obviously change.

Yuck. So gross. It is not only NOT reasonable - it is insulting. Either you are very poor or just were raised by wolves with no respect for your parents.

You make me sick - plan for nothing. And I hope that is what your parents leave you.