Iam going through the same but don't know what to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's giving you too much beta and not enough alpha. Look up Athol Kay and "Married Man Sex Life." The beta support makes you love him. The alpha makes you attracted to him.

He probably waits until you are ready for sex instead of trying to initiate aggressively. He probably lets you take the lead and make the decisions for the family. In fact, he probably does a lot of the things you say you want a man to do, hoping that it will lead to attraction, but somehow it never does.

Not the OP, but thank you for this. Seriously.

Glad to help. But, I suppose a word of caution is in order. I think Athol has some good insights about the nature of attraction and its role within a marriage. However, he's on the "Manosphere" continuum. Elsewhere on the continuum, you'll find the Men's Rights Activists and Pick Up Artists. Those guys aren't always wrong, but far too often, they're aggrieved misogynists.

Anonymous wrote:He's giving you too much beta and not enough alpha. Look up Athol Kay and "Married Man Sex Life." The beta support makes you love him. The alpha makes you attracted to him.

He probably waits until you are ready for sex instead of trying to initiate aggressively. He probably lets you take the lead and make the decisions for the family. In fact, he probably does a lot of the things you say you want a man to do, hoping that it will lead to attraction, but somehow it never does.

Not the OP, but thank you for this. Seriously.

OP, so sorry for what you are going through right now. I have felt the same way years ago when I was married to my now "ex" husband.

It got to the point where I just couldn't stand his touch. I always recoiled when he wanted to get intimate and I dreaded going to bed every night.

I cannot say what will work for you, but for me I had to leave. It wasn't easy, but now 11 yrs later, I think I did the best thing.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:BJs are your friend. seriously.

+1

You are tired. Yes, perhaps counseling would help, or many of the
Other things pps have offered, but honestly, you're tired. Give
Yourself a break, do the BJs, and the kids will get older and easier.

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad to hear a good update. Good luck!

+1

Take your time and get some medical/psychological help.

I'm glad to hear a good update. Good luck!

OP here. I clicked on this thread b/c it sounded like something I might've written once and lo and behold, it was my own thread.

As an update, the repulsion feeling has gone away! We never did get counseling because we found out that a good deal of my issues came from having pelvic floor muscles that were actually too tight, leading to a lack of oxygen and a build up of lactic acid (hence the painful intercourse). I am in physical therapy for it. I never told DH that his touches made me cringe, but we did have several discussions about all of this and while it was difficult for him to hear, he was supportive of me going to a specialist and going to PT.

Anonymous wrote:OP
1. Counseling ASAP.
2. NEVER tell DH he repels you sexually. He will be devastated and no good will come from it. Ever.

This.

He's giving you too much beta and not enough alpha. Look up Athol Kay and "Married Man Sex Life." The beta support makes you love him. The alpha makes you attracted to him.

He probably waits until you are ready for sex instead of trying to initiate aggressively. He probably lets you take the lead and make the decisions for the family. In fact, he probably does a lot of the things you say you want a man to do, hoping that it will lead to attraction, but somehow it never does.

So I googled this issue because I'm feeling the same way "repulsed" by my husband when it comes to sex. We have 3 kids, been together 12 years, he is very attractive and in great physical shape but the relationship now feels like a relative to me because I feel so connected to him like a family member...we made 3 babies together and now we are raising them. So I look at him as a partner for the family purposes and no longer feel like he is my "lover". I love him dearly but have no sexual libido for him. I am drawn sexually to other males so I know the drive still exists....I'm just trying to figure out why it no longer exits towards him.....anyone else feel the same???
I too have never been sexually abused, I have no pain during sex, and I'm not depressed....so now what?
Sincerely: TMI

Anonymous wrote:We did this and it helped.
http://www.marriagequest.org/index.shtml

Hmmmm...this gives me the "everyone get naked and lets work on our intimacy techniques together" vibe.

Do tell about your experience.

I found this thread very helpful. I also have struggled with no libido and when I asked my OB about it she basically said "you're a mom to young kids, it's normal..." but I don't want it to be normal. Anyway, I did some soul searching and realized that much of this "aversion" to having sex or just not feeling up to it, had to do with me. I was unhappy and felt unattractive. Once I started going to the gym, eating right, I saw a difference in my body and I felt better about myself. Once my body image changed, I felt sexier and actually wanting to have sex. All of this to say that perhaps there are other issues you can fix, not necessarily huge issues, for me it was losing 10 lbs. then once you do, you might feel better and want to have a little fun with your spouse again. Hang in there, sister, I've been there!

We did this and it helped.
http://www.marriagequest.org/index.shtml