Anonymous
Post 08/29/2012 15:31     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:I'm reading Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children by Leonore Skenazy that talks about this very issue. She makes a very persuasive agreement that children are actually statistically safer today and a little freedom makes a real difference to our children.


My question about the statistics on child crime is whether or not children are safer because parents are more watchful? Does all of the helicopter parenting lower the crime rate?
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2012 15:29     Subject: Re:Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:As a professional in a child-related field, I will say that one must wonder what a parent's goal is in doing this sort of thing beyond an early grade level. We have a child in our quiet, suburban, upscale neighborhood (sort of like Mayberry) where a father walks his son to the bus stop (five houses down) every day. The child is going into the eighth grade. He hangs at the bus stop, too. This has happened since they moved into the neighborhood when the child was in 6th grade. The child is not bullied in any way, and the other kids at the bus stop are good kids. But no one can enjoy that social time because the boy's father is there hovering and utterly cramping the style. The kid has no idea that all the others are wondering what the problem is--that his daddy must walk him to the bus stop and hang out...primarily because my child is enormous and popular and is a friend of this boy; no one would dare want to bully my son's friend because there might be a consequence for crossing my son. But my son goes to high school this year, and I flinch thinking about what will likely come. As a professional, my biggest concern isn't, "Why is this father doing this?" It is, "Why ISN'T this child saying something about it?" Children need mothers, not smothers. They don't need Dad's to hover. Oppressive parenting is fear-based parenting, and it is more damaging than helpful.

There is a tremendous amount of merit to encouraging competence in children. Walking to the bus alone in middle school, when there is no threat at all to the child, is a simple, easy way to promote autonomy and self-sufficiency. That is where self-esteem comes from in the end.


+!
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2012 15:28     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Okay, just wanted opinions. I have a first grader and third grader. I live in a nice suburban neighborhood and my DCs bus stop is right down the street on the corner. It's very close. Yet all the parents (who live about the same distance as me) take their kids to the bus stop and wait with them until pick-up. Then these parents meet their kids at the bus stop after school. I'm not against this by any means. I realize the world is a scary place... and it's good to drop off and pick up the young kids, esp. Kindergartners. But at what age do you draw the line? There are parents that pick up their 5th and 6th graders (even if they live right across the street or a few doors down).

I remember walking to school by myself in first grade and when I switched schools, I walked to the bus stop by myself... in second grade. I guess I'm asking because I have an 18 month old and it's hard to get to the bus stop because she naps around the time the bus comes. I've told my kids before to just walk home if I'm not at the bus stop, but well-meaning parents drive or walk my kids to my house and look at me with concern because I wasn't waiting for my kids. I've told them that it's okay for my kids to walk home... but they don't seem to get it. What would you do?


I would be very thankful to the parents and try to think of something I could do in return.


I would tell them to leave my kids alone, because I don't know them. That would freak me out. My kids don't belong in cars with adults that I don't know. If they continued, I would consider calling the police.
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2012 15:25     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:Haven't read through all the responses, so if this is suggested, I apologize, but OP, if the bus stop is super close to your house and your little one naps during that time, why can't you lock the house, get the kids, and go back? The chance of something bad happening would be almost negligible imo.



I disagree.

I wouldn't leave my "sleeping" toddler alone in the house to wait at the bus stop for my older kids (over the ages of 8-9). I think this is just a bad idea.

We all have to weigh the risks/benefits, but to me, having a 9 yo old walk down a safe street alone (or with a neighbor/sibling) is a FAR better idea than leaving a toddler or preschooler alone in your house. Bad. Idea.
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2012 15:09     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
OP, I would absolutely let my 1st and 3rd grader walk a few houses by themselves from the bus stop (unless there is a busy street to cross, which it sounds like is not the case). I would also tell them to be sure to come straight home, and never to get in the car with anyone. I would also be prepared for the other parents to think you're insane/terrible for letting them walk alone. If you're concerned about that last one, maybe a compromise is to hang out in the front yard/porch area while your little one sleeps. But again, I personally think it's fine to wait inside.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2012 14:53     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Haven't read through all the responses, so if this is suggested, I apologize, but OP, if the bus stop is super close to your house and your little one naps during that time, why can't you lock the house, get the kids, and go back? The chance of something bad happening would be almost negligible imo.

Anonymous
Post 08/28/2012 14:46     Subject: Re:Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:I am baffled by the modern day bus stop culture.

Did anyone else grow up in a place where parents NEVER waited at the bus stop? Even when I was in kindergarten and first grade, the older kids looked out for the little kids (this was K-6 back in the day). I also started walking to school alone in probably 3rd or 4th grade. It was a 15-20 minute walk. It's not that my parents didn't love me, I swear!! This was just normal. I understand that people have safety concerns. But I'm sure we've all read the same statistics...that the world isn't any less safe than when we were kids and it's just our perception that it is because of 24-7 news coverage. I also think expectations are just so different. As the OP says, other parents treat you like a weirdo if you let your kids walk alone anywhere.

It just seems sort of sad. I have a lot of fond memories of hanging out with other kids at the bus stop (and not parents) and making the walk to school. These kids are just supervised by adults ALL THE TIME. When do they learn to trust themselves and have independence/confidence?


It all depends where you grew up. Where I grew up, it was not a bad neighborhood at all (actually a very nice neighborhood where a lot of the kids went to private school), but no kids walked around by themselves. I find in the suburban neighborhood I live in now, the parents are much more laid back about letting their children walk by themselves than what I grew up with. For example, we never walked to the neighborhood park alone, and here I find the kids do it all the time. So because of how I grew up, I much more uneasy about letting my child walk by themselves.

I think a lot depends on the specific neighborhood you are in, where it is located, and the types of parents who are there. I don't think the era has changed things as much as the fact that we all grew up in different places and with different practices.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2012 09:01     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
I would let them walk in 3rd or 4th grade, maybe younger. It's good to foster independence and walking to the bus unaccompanied is an easy thing to do, especially if you can see the stop from your house. Your parents let you walk to the bus without them in elementary school and now all of you PPs are functioning adults. The world is getting safer, not more dangerous. Plus my kids think walking to school with friends is fun. They're actually more likely to leave on time if they get to walk without me!
Anonymous wrote:Another consideration is that in HS (at least here in MoCo) it's still dark when the kids catch the bus. My neighbor's HS freshman daughter gets a ride to the bus stop each morning, and I'd do the same. It's dark!

I don't want to be over-protective, and in most cases, I'm not, but I'd be uncomfortable having my 14 year old girl walking by herself at 6:45 am. It might be our neighborhood, but even I'm not comfortable out that early. Better safe than sorry.

6:45 is not that early. The world is busy at 6:45 in the morning.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2012 07:45     Subject: Re:Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
As a professional in a child-related field, I will say that one must wonder what a parent's goal is in doing this sort of thing beyond an early grade level. We have a child in our quiet, suburban, upscale neighborhood (sort of like Mayberry) where a father walks his son to the bus stop (five houses down) every day. The child is going into the eighth grade. He hangs at the bus stop, too. This has happened since they moved into the neighborhood when the child was in 6th grade. The child is not bullied in any way, and the other kids at the bus stop are good kids. But no one can enjoy that social time because the boy's father is there hovering and utterly cramping the style. The kid has no idea that all the others are wondering what the problem is--that his daddy must walk him to the bus stop and hang out...primarily because my child is enormous and popular and is a friend of this boy; no one would dare want to bully my son's friend because there might be a consequence for crossing my son. But my son goes to high school this year, and I flinch thinking about what will likely come. As a professional, my biggest concern isn't, "Why is this father doing this?" It is, "Why ISN'T this child saying something about it?" Children need mothers, not smothers. They don't need Dad's to hover. Oppressive parenting is fear-based parenting, and it is more damaging than helpful.

There is a tremendous amount of merit to encouraging competence in children. Walking to the bus alone in middle school, when there is no threat at all to the child, is a simple, easy way to promote autonomy and self-sufficiency. That is where self-esteem comes from in the end.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2011 15:06     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Another consideration is that in HS (at least here in MoCo) it's still dark when the kids catch the bus. My neighbor's HS freshman daughter gets a ride to the bus stop each morning, and I'd do the same. It's dark!

I don't want to be over-protective, and in most cases, I'm not, but I'd be uncomfortable having my 14 year old girl walking by herself at 6:45 am. It might be our neighborhood, but even I'm not comfortable out that early. Better safe than sorry.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2011 14:31     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:new poster here...

...I grew up in a crack-infested East Coast city in the 1980s and my parents still let us walk to the bus stop, our friend's houses, the park, etc. by ourselves. Occasionally cars would stop, invariably driven by neighbors/friend's parents/teachers/local shop keepers/random nice people etc. and offer us rides or just make sure we were OK.

I know that teachers, local shop keepers, maybe even neighbors would now feel uncomfortable offering children rides b/c of liability issues or fear of being labeled a molester.

I think that is the big difference between then and now. It's not that it's less safe now - it's that decent people feel less comfortable intervening in the lives of other people's children, for fear of being accused of imaginary sex crimes etc. Ordinary people's hesitation to get involved in local children's lives make local children less safe.


Op here. You make a good point. When I was a kid and running around all over the place, there seemed to be this network of trustworthy people who kept an eye out for us kiddos. People seem to be much less hesitant to get involved now. I heard a story on the radio the other day about an old man sitting in a truck at a park, offering candy to young children. The parents at the park flipped out (as I would too) and called the cops. After the cops visited this guy and interrogated him numerous times, the cops came to the conclusion that he really was a harmless old man that loves kids. He just wanted to see the kids smile. Maybe he was lonely and just felt like doing a good deed. The poor guy didn't have a clue that his behavior would cause panic among parents. I mean... it's NOT a good idea to hand out candy at a park if you're lonely, but I felt bad for the guy. People are so freaked out these days... and there's a good reason to be. But we need to find some sort of middle ground where we're not hovering and flipping out OR being like our parents who were way too relaxed.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2011 13:53     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
new poster here...

...I grew up in a crack-infested East Coast city in the 1980s and my parents still let us walk to the bus stop, our friend's houses, the park, etc. by ourselves. Occasionally cars would stop, invariably driven by neighbors/friend's parents/teachers/local shop keepers/random nice people etc. and offer us rides or just make sure we were OK.

I know that teachers, local shop keepers, maybe even neighbors would now feel uncomfortable offering children rides b/c of liability issues or fear of being labeled a molester.

I think that is the big difference between then and now. It's not that it's less safe now - it's that decent people feel less comfortable intervening in the lives of other people's children, for fear of being accused of imaginary sex crimes etc. Ordinary people's hesitation to get involved in local children's lives make local children less safe.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2011 13:06     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
We used to just run outside and play, the dog was never on a leash, and yes we walked to the bus stop alone. We also mostly trick or treated alone. There was a creek and wooded area that ran thru our neighbood and we'd play in the water alone !
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2011 10:26     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:I'm reading Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children by Leonore Skenazy that talks about this very issue. She makes a very persuasive agreement that children are actually statistically safer today and a little freedom makes a real difference to our children.


Agree. I am not worried about stranger abductions. Those are so few and the peds---those freaks are generally somebody your child knows. The stats on anything like that happening...I would win the powerball first.

That said--the only thing that freaks me is our urban area does get some high speed cars cutting threw. However, from the time my kids could walk we talk about don't cross when the light first turns green STILL look and make sure the drive makes eye contact. The importance of looking both ways---stopping at the corner and waiting for us. I think my sister that lives in the outer burbs nearly had a heart attack walking with me and my two boys in our neighborhood as they sped ahead on the scooters ...but always stopped..they don't dare let their feet touch black w/out us (3 and 5.5). I do know kids' brains aren't fully formed and they are impulsive, e.g., ball went into street...I'll dive after it without even thinking of looking...so I won't be letting them free-range (they do go to neighbors and in our backyard alone) for a little bit longer...but I can totally see them walking to and from by third grade as it seems most of the kids that age are doing that. I'll see...I can see the bus stop from the window. There is one major street they have to cross...but there are speed bumps and lots of parents...and the police always throw a sting operation there once in a while so the speed is kept down.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2011 09:48     Subject: Kids walking home from bus stop by themselves
Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the Midwest - affluent neighborhood full of huge families. Never did I see a parent at the bus stop - I walked about 3/4 of a mile at 5 to K, past the scary barking dogs, an old guy flasher (happened just once my friend and I when we were a block from school) etc.

When I later switched to a public jr high and then a private HS there was never a parent, ever at the bus stop - there were elementary kids getting off the private school bus as well. We all found our ways home just fine - even in the midst of the occasional flasher.

Thankfully, our current neighborhood in No. VA has a mix of anxious parents and "let 'em walk" types so everyone is well looked after.


Different time, different place.

I used to walk thru a forest to get home from school at age 7. I wouldn't want my child walking thru a wooded trail surrounded by houses now.