I try to remember that hurt people hurt people. The beautiful popular girl has insecurities too. Teenagers make a lot of mistakes with being unkind and hurtful. It particularly sucks that it’s a time period that really stays with people their whole lives and affects them, because almost everyone I know has done or said cruel things as children that they wish they could take back.

I hope therapy helps. I’ve forgiven my bullies in my head and that’s helped me heal.

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry so many of you suffered at young ages, but you are adults now. Please seek therapy to help resolve this baggage you are still holding on to and move forward, knowing you won't inflict the same level of damage/trauma on your kids

OP literally said she was looking for commiseration, not advice to go to therapy. It’s completely possible to live a healthy adult life, while still being aware of and occasionally thinking about these formative memories. It’s ok to talk about them in an anonymous forum. Much more immediate and cheaper than therapy.

OP, I am sorry that happened to you. Middle school is awful. My daughter is going through it right now. I have had to help her navigate a lot of crap.

I think when people say she is like you, it is meant as compliment. So many parents want their children to reflect pieces of themselves. Your work here is to retrain your brqin response to those comments. Reparent yourself. Rewrite the script of that day in your head yo have a positive outcome.

Some stupid things were said to me when I was in middle school. I grew up in a small farming community. There were 125 people in my class and 600 in my HS for a 100 square mile radius. Only 10 of us went to college after HS. Only four of us left the state. Likely the county. The girls and boys who said unkind things to me are now FB friends and became women and men who envy my DC life.

I just became my own person and learned yo love myself and my life.

I am sorry so many of you suffered at young ages, but you are adults now. Please seek therapy to help resolve this baggage you are still holding on to and move forward, knowing you won't inflict the same level of damage/trauma on your kids

I started at a private HS in 9th grade and was the new kid as it was a K-12 school. I was pretty socially awkward and insecure. There was a ‘popular girl’ who was beautiful, athletic, always had a devoted boyfriend, etc. We both ended up trying out for the cheer team and making it. A few days later, I was in a bathroom stall and heard her making fun of me to the other popular girls, saying I didn’t deserve to be on the team, that such and so should’ve made it over me, that I only made it on because of a family connection (which was untrue), etc.

She ended up being pretty unsuccessful as an adult and we actually ended up being friendly-ish the rest of high school. But that really stung as someone struggling to find their place and already feeling bad about themselves. I do not have a daughter but I would be so upset if I heard her speaking that way about anyone.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you went through that, OP. I agree that those early wounds can leave deep scars.

I was bullied in MS, so when my kindergarten DD deliberately and blatantly snubbed a classmate who just approached her to say hi, I put my foot down hard. I told her in no uncertain terms that no daughter of mine was going to be a mean girl or bully. I explained that while she didn’t have to be friends with everyone, she did have to treat them with basic courtesy and respect.

This is the positive side to being bullied because as adults - - you will always have a special empathy for those that are teased.

Anonymous wrote:Was the third smallest boy in the class, usually picked next to last in sports - the person they stuck in right field. And, you guessed it, a bully target.

Naturally grew up to be 6' and started outrunning people in 10th grade. And body slammed the bully in the HS cafeteria senior year. Grow up? Move past it? Has changed how I look at the world. Can't stand it when people say things like, "a bully is really a coward". I don't care - stay the f'ck away from me.

This was my most-dreaded part of PE classes…..

God!
I HATED it when I had to stand in a group in front of the two PE team captains while they publicly selected who they wanted on their team. 😞

As someone who was unpopular as well as not very athletic - - I was always selected last.
Always.

It felt humiliating to be standing there alone in the end >> only being picked because I had to be.

(((( shudders ))))

Anonymous wrote:My parents said a lot of hurtful things growing up, but the worst was when my mom called me a “whore” at 16 just for asking what I could eat. I wasn’t sexually active at all, so that accusation really stayed with me and hurt deeply. She also mocked my large almond-shaped eyes, and told me I was a waste and that I’d never amount to anything.

My dad’s comments were more about calling me lazy and saying I’d end up divorced because I didn’t do dishes consistently.

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this PP. ❤️‍🩹💔

Sounds just like my parents.

I hear you OP ▶️ loud + clear!

I was teased a lot as a kid…..my parents never bought me decent clothing or ever gave me money for makeup or to get my hair done.
So I was always teased about being ugly.

As an adult, I dressed much better and had the means to spend money on my appearance.
Yet even today - - fundamentally I still feel like underneath it all will always reside the ugly girl that nobody wanted to be seen with.

I am actually currently in therapy doing EMDR to address this.

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Anonymous wrote:From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

Wow, I'm so sorry - that is pretty bad. Has there ever been any reflection on that by them?

No, they still think it's clever and funny. They laugh like it's a big family joke.

One of my siblings told me about a behavior I was doing that they found hurtful and disrespectful. It was so obvious once explained that I couldn't even deny it. She did such a favor telling me. I hope that there may be one of them where you can share that.

Oh, they know. That's the point.

This is family scapegoating. Read up on it. I have a variation of the same story where I was treated like the pariah of the family and extended family was told how terrible I was too. Started when I was a young child and follows me to this day.

Anonymous wrote:When I was in my teens, by brother (10 years older) stared at me like he was trying to figure something out. Then he said i'd be pretty if it weren't for my nose. I have never forgotten that.

I had a grown ass man randomly tell me that in Vegas one time. It stung so badly that I actually scheduled a consult for a nose job. The doctor told me, and I quote, “Your nose is already the “after” picture. I’m not touching it”. Some men are just idiots. I’m sure your nose is beautiful!

Anonymous wrote:I am a stutterer and have been since I could talk. Some of the cruelty was really bad. The worst was from teachers

My daughter stutters pretty badly but she is a fierce advocate for herself now. If you could turn back time, you could take her with you and she would put all of those wankers in their place. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.

My parents divorced when I was 6 and in first grade at a small private catholic school. As if that wasn’t hard enough, I will never forget the feeling when three girls I considered the coolest and wanted to be close friends with came up to me on the playground and said their moms told them they weren’t allowed to be friends with me because my parents were divorced.

My parents said a lot of hurtful things growing up, but the worst was when my mom called me a “whore” at 16 just for asking what I could eat. I wasn’t sexually active at all, so that accusation really stayed with me and hurt deeply. She also mocked my large almond-shaped eyes, and told me I was a waste and that I’d never amount to anything.

My dad’s comments were more about calling me lazy and saying I’d end up divorced because I didn’t do dishes consistently.

Anonymous wrote:You need to be a grown up and get over this nonsense. You are not a child anymore. Move on.

You need to f*ck all the way off.