Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

I think you responded well. I think she is flustered that she was called out and trying to pretend it was no big deal, but the fact that you called her out is bothering her. I would consider that a mission accomplished.

If you understandably don't want to be her friend, don't. I wouldn't avoid her just out of principle (shunning people doesn't change minds) but you are totally within your rights to keep your distance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

I’m Mexican American and I would be annoyed by the inaccuracy. Who does she think does the majority of the landscaping she likes?

At any rate, I wouldn’t get too huffy. Just ignore and proceed with your regular life.

+1 Mexicans are some of the best landscapers

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A fellow mom who I am friendly with said an openly racist and offensive thing to me today. I told her it was offensive and walked away. She later sent an apology over text. But I’m still livid. I haven’t responded. Should I? I really want to tell her to go to hell and to stay away from my family, but it’s someone I see frequently unfortunately. I guess I know her true colors now.

Would love to hear others opinions on how you would respond in a similar situation.

Like what? You don't look Latina is pretty different than I don't associate with black people.

“Latina” is highly offensive. Do better.

The correct term is Latinx.

Allying is just used by white people. Latinos generally don’t like it.

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

I would respond, “I’m glad you apologized for your racist remark. But I’m grateful that you showed me who you truly are: stay away from me and my family.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea, I gotta hear exactly what she said to offer an informed opinion. Plus I gotta ask why are you associating with someone you know is MAGA in the first place?

All racists are not MAGA and not all MAGA are racist. It’s a large overlap on the Venn Diagram but they don’t mean the same thing.

There are plenty of self described liberals on DCUM who are not exactly MAGA but definitely racist.

Yes, all MAGA are racist. If you support a man who took out an ad in the NYT to blame Black boys for a horrific crime they didn’t commit, and then failed to apologize years later when they were exonerated, you are OK with racism, and that makes you racism. Trump also was found guilty of racism when it came to him keeping people of color out of his rental properties. You can go read news articles about these facts. He is racist, therefore MAGA is OK with racism, which is racist.

Racism is not just burning crosses and white hoods, people. You are who you support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She said “this is going to sound racist” and then went on to say an incredibly racist thing. It wasn’t about my ethnicity but about my husband’s. I knew she was maga so I’ve always kept it surface level with her but it was still so shocking to me.

Eh. I'm white with a black husband (and obviously biracial kids). It would really depend on what she said. You'd be shocked at the number of people over the years that have asked if the rumor about black men being well endowed is true. That's clearly a racist question, but I haven't flipped out over it every time.

Is it true?

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

Thanks for adding context. Yup, sounds racist to me. She is also stupid. Some of the most highly skilled and hard working people I have worked with have been been “Mexicans”.

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

I’m Mexican American and I would be annoyed by the inaccuracy. Who does she think does the majority of the landscaping she likes?

At any rate, I wouldn’t get too huffy. Just ignore and proceed with your regular life.

Anonymous wrote:Context would be helpful for sure. Racism is wrong, full stop but I will add that sometimes it comes from being ignorant instead of hate. If it’s ignorance, trying to correct and teach them might work.

Meh, if you preface your comment with "this is going to sound racist," you aren't ignorant. You know it's racist, but you can't even keep your mouth shut.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.

There is a wonderful thought experiment for you to consider how an in group can talk to another person from the same group but it sounds different coming from someone outside of the group.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.

No, it’s one rule for everyone: members of a group can make disparaging jokes about the group but not the nonmembers, especially when the nonmembers have a history of discriminating against and exploiting the group.

Except OP isn't in the "group."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.

Yep.

I'm as white as they come but fluent in Spanish and have spent a lot of time working and living and traveling in Latin America. One of my SILs is a Latino immigrant from South America. I would absolutely say something like that to him as a joke and he'd laugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.

No, it’s one rule for everyone: members of a group can make disparaging jokes about the group but not the nonmembers, especially when the nonmembers have a history of discriminating against and exploiting the group.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Op. She and I are both white. She has actively chosen to send her kids to this school. You think she’d have some respect for the community she’s chosen to immerse her family in.

Meh. I dunno. Was she saying it to be mean or as a bad taste joke? Why would she affirmatively choose to send her kid to a private school with a bunch of Latinos if she was racist against Latinos?

Now I'm gonna sound racist: Latino have pretty thick skins about this kind of stuff. You should know that having a Latino husband.

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.