Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am living this life and it's amazing. I do socialize and travel a lot but it's all voluntary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing this, and it is GLORIOUS.

Same. I will never have to attend a crappy wedding or a funeral again if I don't want to. I've learned my lesson. Social situations are way over rated.

Interestingly, weddings and funerals aren't about YOU - they're about other people. So if you don't want to do something you don't necessarily want to do for someone else, then don't, but I wouldn't expect any consideration from others then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing this, and it is GLORIOUS.

Same. I will never have to attend a crappy wedding or a funeral again if I don't want to. I've learned my lesson. Social situations are way over rated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing this, and it is GLORIOUS.

Same. That’s my life at 56. I work from home still. Kids in college.

Anonymous wrote:I'm doing this, and it is GLORIOUS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was worried people were going to tell me I'm terrible. I'm so glad to have found some kindred spirits.

I think I've spent my whole life feeling like I'm supposed to be social, make friends, go out, etc. I turn 50 soon and I think I've just realized it is not what makes me happy. I have always been a fan of Mary Oliver's poetry and recently I've been thinking a lot about her lifestyle, which involved a lot of solitude, time in nature, and just focusing on her work which necessitated being alone a lot. She had a partner for over 40 years so she wasn't totally alone, and certainly she worked with others at times and had friends, but it sounds like she was mostly just a solitary person.

I think that is the truest representation of what I want. It does not feel possible now with my kid the age she is, but I'd like to start working towards it.

Do you at least have a small circle to keep you grounded in reality a little, and as a safety net for emergencies? As in, a sister plus one close friend? Two cousins you’re close with?

I’ve noticed that some people, as they start to do this - usually in retirement- they very quickly decline mentally. I think they inadvertently make things a lot harder for themselves by so drastically limiting their interactions with others.

Did you miss the part about having a spouse, a kid, AND friends?

Some people just have much lower social needs than other people, and prefer to socialize only with a very small circle of family and friends, and perhaps in more chill ways than other people do. Like sometimes my spouse and I hang out together by going to a coffeeshop and reading our own books. This is fun for us. I also like watching sports with people because your focus is on something else and there's less pressure to talk the whole time, plus you can just talk about the game or match if you want. Whereas going to a cocktail party or a big birthday dinner where I will need to maintain conversation with a variety of people over the course of several hours sounds so stressful to me -- I will come home so totally drained from that, and while I might enjoy some of the conversations, the overall experience will feel stressful and not that fun to me.

At some point in life you get tired of making yourself do this stuff that you don't enjoy at all.

Yeah I mean I’m introverted too and a big dinner party is not my idea of fun either. But there is a difference between saying “I prefer to socialize one on one, doing an activity that doesn’t involve a lot of chit chat” and “I want to not speak to humans anymore and just be alone with my plants”. I’m saying it’s easy to become so folded into yourself that it’s bad for your cognition. Also it’s easy to get sucked into online worlds and conspiracies and whatnot, without any social interactions.
And no, one spouse and one child don’t count.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was worried people were going to tell me I'm terrible. I'm so glad to have found some kindred spirits.

I think I've spent my whole life feeling like I'm supposed to be social, make friends, go out, etc. I turn 50 soon and I think I've just realized it is not what makes me happy. I have always been a fan of Mary Oliver's poetry and recently I've been thinking a lot about her lifestyle, which involved a lot of solitude, time in nature, and just focusing on her work which necessitated being alone a lot. She had a partner for over 40 years so she wasn't totally alone, and certainly she worked with others at times and had friends, but it sounds like she was mostly just a solitary person.

I think that is the truest representation of what I want. It does not feel possible now with my kid the age she is, but I'd like to start working towards it.

Do you at least have a small circle to keep you grounded in reality a little, and as a safety net for emergencies? As in, a sister plus one close friend? Two cousins you’re close with?

I’ve noticed that some people, as they start to do this - usually in retirement- they very quickly decline mentally. I think they inadvertently make things a lot harder for themselves by so drastically limiting their interactions with others.

Did you miss the part about having a spouse, a kid, AND friends?

Some people just have much lower social needs than other people, and prefer to socialize only with a very small circle of family and friends, and perhaps in more chill ways than other people do. Like sometimes my spouse and I hang out together by going to a coffeeshop and reading our own books. This is fun for us. I also like watching sports with people because your focus is on something else and there's less pressure to talk the whole time, plus you can just talk about the game or match if you want. Whereas going to a cocktail party or a big birthday dinner where I will need to maintain conversation with a variety of people over the course of several hours sounds so stressful to me -- I will come home so totally drained from that, and while I might enjoy some of the conversations, the overall experience will feel stressful and not that fun to me.

At some point in life you get tired of making yourself do this stuff that you don't enjoy at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was worried people were going to tell me I'm terrible. I'm so glad to have found some kindred spirits.

I think I've spent my whole life feeling like I'm supposed to be social, make friends, go out, etc. I turn 50 soon and I think I've just realized it is not what makes me happy. I have always been a fan of Mary Oliver's poetry and recently I've been thinking a lot about her lifestyle, which involved a lot of solitude, time in nature, and just focusing on her work which necessitated being alone a lot. She had a partner for over 40 years so she wasn't totally alone, and certainly she worked with others at times and had friends, but it sounds like she was mostly just a solitary person.

I think that is the truest representation of what I want. It does not feel possible now with my kid the age she is, but I'd like to start working towards it.

Do you at least have a small circle to keep you grounded in reality a little, and as a safety net for emergencies? As in, a sister plus one close friend? Two cousins you’re close with?

I’ve noticed that some people, as they start to do this - usually in retirement- they very quickly decline mentally. I think they inadvertently make things a lot harder for themselves by so drastically limiting their interactions with others.