I find it odd that nobody brought this up to you until the end of the school year. At our school, the counselor would notice and schedule some lunch bunches.

Is this real? At my kids' elementary school, there are two tables assigned to each class plus the allergy table. There's no chance a child would sit alone at lunch.

My kid did this because he sat at the allergy table. I found out a teacher would sit with him every day. Turns out my kid is totally unbothered by it. Not everyone wants to be social at lunch.

My greatest fear in high school was having no one to sit w/during lunch.
I literally thought it was the worst predictament in the entire world as a teenager so I feel your pain OP.
Sometimes I would sit in the library or even hide out in the restroom so no one would see me eating my lunch alone. 😢

Hopefully your child will have someone to sit with during lunch next yr.
It is possible they will.

But if your child doesn’t seem too bothered by it - - try not to let it worry you.

I get it >> easier said than done.
But still try. ❤️

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t even feel like I could sit alone without being harassed / bullied - I hid in the bathroom and ate lunch on the toilet. That was for all of 7th grade and at least part of 8th grade.

And for the record I’m now a totally social, successful, attractive, happily married woman. Although I wouldn’t wish what I experienced on anyone, I do think it ultimately made me a kinder person. I’m always looking out for someone who seems like they don’t feel like they fit in, and try to find ways to embrace them.

This was me too. I didn't feel confident enough to sit alone so I'd quickly eat in the bathroom sometimes if my very small group of not really friends wasn't available. I agree, I think it's an experience that made me kinder but admittedly it would break me heart to hear that either of my kids were going through it too. Kind teachers were my saviors. I'm a teacher and do my best to help the kids who are struggling

I have almost no memories of lunch in middle sxhool or elementary. I was alone for a lot of it, but I grew up a happy child. In high school, I sat with the outcasts on the first day. I turned into a goth kid in high school with good grades. We were an odd bunch. Very religious. Listened to crazy music. We all had jobs and crazy home lives. But we were happy for most of it.

My daughter has a couple of good friends in 7th grade but had the chance to make some good friends at other nearby schools that she hangs out with on weekends. They talk during the week. I think that makes up for some of her feelings about school relationships. She got stuck with this kid in all her classes last year that kept sitting by her at lunch. She missed 5 days of school this year because of things he has said to her. The school did nothing.

OP, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what your kid is going through. Mine is having a tough time at the end of sixth grade and didn't talk to anyone at lunch today (they have assigned tables to sit at). This summer we are going to work on developing some one-on-one friendships with people.

Anonymous wrote:I was that kid. Sometimes, I'd have friends to sit with, sometimes I'd read a book, either way was fine. To this day, I have a low need for social contact.

Me too

I had plenty of friends but the problem was in high school, our school was huge and had many different lunch periods. Our lunch periods would change every semester or whatever it was and sometimes, I wouldn't have any friends assigned to the same lunch period as myself.

We were not allowed to bring food into the library, so I just stayed in the library and read during those times when I didn't have any friends assigned to the same lunch period. It really sucked.

DS has preferred to sit alone at lunch for the past year because the kids are so distracting from the limited amount of time to eat all the food. He is 13 years old and 6 feet tall. Maybe the big growth spurt and strong need to eat food is part of what is going on. Lunch is time for eating!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how a teacher or lunch aid wouldn't try to address this somehow. Do they just stay out of it? I know forcing people to sit with other people or teachers makes it worse... but really I would intervene.

In what way would you intervene? I was someone with no friends and a table of girls were forced to let me sit at their table in middle school. They were the only table that didn't emphatically say no. They ignored me. They were all close, had inside jokes, sleepovers and hung out and I just ... sat there. Eventually after two years I couldn't take it and would sneak out of the lunchroom to hide out in the library. What would you have done to intervene?

+1

I think it's great to have lunch bunches or social groups as long as students are free to opt into them. Another PP posted about a special lounge. Intervening and forcing it is something else.

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how a teacher or lunch aid wouldn't try to address this somehow. Do they just stay out of it? I know forcing people to sit with other people or teachers makes it worse... but really I would intervene.

In what way would you intervene? I was someone with no friends and a table of girls were forced to let me sit at their table in middle school. They were the only table that didn't emphatically say no. They ignored me. They were all close, had inside jokes, sleepovers and hung out and I just ... sat there. Eventually after two years I couldn't take it and would sneak out of the lunchroom to hide out in the library. What would you have done to intervene?

Op here. Thank you PPs! In our case, even with his extracurricular sports activities he’s never naturally taken to anyone. No best friend, but three acquaintances that he would see at school. As a younger child he never had a dedicated best friend either.

His school does change for middle school.

I love the ideas shared of friendship groups or opportunities for seating as a larger assigned group.

He’s naturally an introverted child, even as a toddler he was not outwardly social but enjoyed playing alone. He has been evaluated for selective mutism but never been diagnosed with anything formal nor has he been diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum. He does have a slower processing speed but does not qualify for IEP or 504 supports. We believe there is some social anxiety in the mix but a bit of chicken or egg with which prevents those friendships from securing.

The teachers and admin need to be stepping in about this in elementary school. I have a 5th grader and he complains all the time about the assigned seats by class at lunch at his school, but this is the exact reason why there are assigned seats. I also think that at the younger elementary level that assigned seating, where the kids are maybe not with their very best friends, encourages kids to actually eat their lunches vs. talking and playing.

In middle and high school is where it gets more complicated because the social dynamics are more challenging. It’s bad to be sitting alone at lunch, but it’s worse to be forced to sit at “someone else’s table.” I still think there are things MS/HS teachers can do but it’s obviously not as easy as “everyone needs to sit with their class at tables of 6-8 kids.”

Anonymous wrote:The school should have intervened. There shouldn’t have been empty tables like that. My son went to a new high school that was huge. He had a learning disability with severe anxiety.They had a specific program for kids with this disability and had comfortable room with couches and activities and the kids could be there for all of their free time. A lot of the kids including my son ate lunch there. Schools should be aware of students social needs too.

The worst is actually when there aren't empty tables. I went to a really violent school and asking someone if you could sit with them was problematic. Just that was enough to get you beat up.