It’s super disappointing but if this happened in my (non divorced) home, we would go to the funeral. And I would feel sad about it and tell my kid that it’s hard but important to show up in bad times. And I would take my kid and a few friends to the amusement park another day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does ex want all the kids there? His mom died, he gets to call the shots here. If my mom died and my spouse (I realize yours is an ex) told me I had to go to the funeral without my child because of an amusement park trip, I’d be really hurt.

Ideally all kids would go to the funeral if he wants them to, because an 8th grade ceremony is silly if the students are mostly all going to the same high school (I could see it being different if this was a private k-8 and the kids were all separating next year). I understand there is no reasoning with a 14 year old girl though.

DD is missing out on both trip (that has been paid for) and promotion. The 8th graders will be going to different high schools next year.

None of that matters. It also doesn’t matter that she saw this grandparent once a year. Her father just lost his mother. You were coming off very callous.

Some people can't hide their true colors even for a funeral.

Funerals can be inconvenient. But your child should attend this one.

FFS it’s eighth grade and an amusement park trip. Kid should be there for her dad and grandfather. What kind of values are you teaching your daughter? You aren’t exhibiting a lot of integrity or grace here.

My kids haven't seen their paternal grandmother in several years, and I didn't see any of my grandparents more than once every few years, because we're on different continents.

I did not miss my grandparents' funerals, and my kids will not miss their grandparents' funerals.

I would encourage my child to go to the funeral since this is not a HS or college graduation. None of my 3 kids even had an 8th grade ceremony and the trip was optional and maybe 1/3 of the kids went. An 8th grader/rising 9th grader is old enough to deal with a little disappointment. After all Grandma died, even if she was distant (my kids grandma sees them only every 3-4 years for reference). I don’t think it’s reasonable to have expected the entire family to schedule the funeral around an 8th grade graduation.

If your child really feels strongly about this, they can talk with dad directly. Keep in mind that if you were married, there would be an expectation that she go.

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely not make my kid miss promotion for the funeral of a grandma she sees once a year. No way.

How many times a year would be necessary to skip "promotion"?

I would definitely not make my kid miss promotion for the funeral of a grandma she sees once a year. No way.

Is she close to the grandma?
I think promotion ceremony if not close.

How does she feel about it?

My sibling missed my grandfather's funeral becuase he was at an 8th grade award trip for something he won. No one told him about he death until after the event because they didn't want to "ruin the big day" for him. To this day, he is bitter about having missed that funeral.

She's old enough that her opinion matters. And, this should be between her and her dad.

Anonymous wrote:Funerals are inconvenient. As is death. Your daughter would be attending the funeral to bring comfort to HER LIVING FATHER. To be a visual, living reminder that families live on through new generations.

This is 8th grade. A gorilla could get through 8th grade. This is not an achievement worthy of being upset at missing the ceremony. Be the adult and teach your daughter how to prioritize family over fun.

WTF?? A teenager is her own person, not a crutch or a symbol to tote around.

Funerals are for the benefit of the living who need them, which may or may not include a grandchild who had limited contact with the deceased.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not clear on what you’re asking. Are you asking how to handle the exhusband because he’s not going to the graduation? Or are you suggesting the ex-husband wants to get to miss their own eighth grade graduation?

Ex is not active at all in the kids schooling. My DD and I have been looking forward to end of the year activities and promotional ceremony. Ex’s mom passed and family wants to hold funeral activities that would prevent DD from participating in class trip and promotional ceremony.

I know your kid is excited, but you can’t expect a family to plan a funeral around an eighth graders “graduation”. Your ex may still be an absentee parent, do the bare minimum but his parent just died. Curious if you have lost a parent yet? I’m sorry if you have, but if you haven’t, you might want to take a step back on this one.

Have lost a parent and planned that parent’s funeral.

I still would put my children first (and did when parent passed).

Most families have a lot of competing demands and there will be more grandchildren than just one to consider. A day at the amusement park is pretty small potatoes.

Anonymous wrote:If it's not his custody week, isn't she old enough to decide?

This. She should decide.

I'm team OP and think the dad is selfish to try to make the DD miss her school events. Adults don't need their minor children present to grieve that adult's parent. But it should be up to the DD.

Funerals are inconvenient. As is death. Your daughter would be attending the funeral to bring comfort to HER LIVING FATHER. To be a visual, living reminder that families live on through new generations.

This is 8th grade. A gorilla could get through 8th grade. This is not an achievement worthy of being upset at missing the ceremony. Be the adult and teach your daughter how to prioritize family over fun.

If it's not his custody week, isn't she old enough to decide?