You can get around all the apps everyone is talking about but (a) it is a pain; and (b) it can be helpful to start easing kids into using tech productively with parental guidance. For example, my 8th grader is super disorganized and anxious, but over the year, she has gotten in the habit of adding all her engagements/appointments to the family google calendar, rsvping to her team app, participating in the groupme chats independently with her supervisor at the camp she will be working at this summer/signing up for shifts, she manages her allowance on the bank app, keeps up a to-do list app, health portal for making/canceling appointments, etc. Things like NYT games app and spotify are nice to have (we do all the puzzles together in the morning). She has less than 1 hr of phone time per day, and as long as parents set healthy limits, it has been just fine. She does not have internet access let alone social media - you don't have to allow those things.

This thread makes it sound like every kid in FCPS is on a high school sports team.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

Not solo communication Messages on an app that go to the entire team.

For example, my son’s coach sent a message to the team yesterday that practice moved inside due to heat. It was sent to all the players and coaches, but not to the parents. My 17 year old then told me.

And that is fine. We have told our child that group emails do not have to include us. Emails to his friends, don't include us and never needed to. Solo emails to adults need to include us. The exception is to teachers when using the school approved email address.

Some organizations prohibit adults from communicating only with the child, Scouting America, for pretty obvious reasons, requires that parents are included on emails to an adult in the Troop. If a Scout sends me something and I don't see their parent, I add the parent or the Scoutmaster. It is a hard and fast rule. We flat out tell parents if their kid has received an email from an Adult in Scouts that they were not included on, tell us immediately.

I understand that the cases of abuse are rare events but I know that I can decrease he likelihood of my kid being abused with some guidelines. I don't think being CCed on an email to an adult volunteer for a club or an activity when sending an email to that individual is unreasonable for an 8th grader or a 9th grader. Things shift as kids get older but this topic is about an 8th grader going into 9th grade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

Not solo communication Messages on an app that go to the entire team.

For example, my son’s coach sent a message to the team yesterday that practice moved inside due to heat. It was sent to all the players and coaches, but not to the parents. My 17 year old then told me.

My kid is a freshman and was on a high school sports team. There were often last minute practice changes from the coach that went out as a group text to the team. Parents were not involved.

If your 8th grader is in public school, they would be a massive outlier in our area. Probably 1% don't have a cell phone. If you are in a K-8, I think you can get away with it longer because you are dropping them off/picking them up or they are on a bus.

The ship has sailed on friends and they are already left out anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you folks have high school kids?

Adults will communicate with your kids without you being involved. You think for 15-18 year olds they copy mommy on all the messages to the group?

I have a friend whose kid was sexually stalked and abused by a coach in HS. Requiring adults include a parent on communication decreases the likelihood of kids being groomed and abused.

Group messages are different but individual messages are not allowed.

Ok. Good luck getting all the adults and your kid to follow your rules. The thing some of you don’t seem to get is you’re going to lose the control you are so tightly trying to hold onto.

The way to attempt to prevent bad things from happening to your kids is not what some of you all are doing.

This idea that if you don’t give your kid a phone you will block out all the “bad” things, whatever that means to you, is naive and black and white thinking. It’s a cop out.

Parent your kid.

I guess they don’t “need” one, but it makes basic high school functionality infinitely easier.

They can contact you if after school plan changes.

They can text you if they need a ride/don’t feel comfortable at a party.

They can join the app to find out info for their sport or activity.

They can contact their friends (we have no landline, so not sure how my kid would do this without a phone).

Etc.

My kid was a marching band section leader, and he communicated with his section by text daily… including info the kids needed to know, recaps, etc. One kid did not have a phone, and while it wasn’t the end the world, it was much more difficult to get info to that kid. So be aware that if you don’t let your HS kid have a phone, they will miss out. Not just on making plans with friends or texting with them, but also on information, date changes, etc about clubs and sports they do. This is 2026, and high schoolers are expected to have phones, right or wrong. That’s how everything is set up.

That said, you can restrict what your kid does on the phone. My kid is 16 and doesn’t use the phone excessively, is barely on social media, phone does not go in his room at night, he knows we can check it anytime, etc. People saying no to phones but yes to iPads— well, that’s kind of hypocritical. Your kid can still access harmful content without the benefit of taking a phone with them in case they need to contact you.

7th grade is a good year for a phone if your kid can handle it. They use it for group chatting about life and activities. The music departments use it on field trips to say when to board buses and where to go. They use it for communication with pickups after sports and clubs. They are beginning to learn while you can have lots of conversations about handling it and situations. This way they won’t go over the deep end with a new phone on 9th grade.

Anonymous wrote:Do you folks have high school kids?

Adults will communicate with your kids without you being involved. You think for 15-18 year olds they copy mommy on all the messages to the group?

I have a friend whose kid was sexually stalked and abused by a coach in HS. Requiring adults include a parent on communication decreases the likelihood of kids being groomed and abused.

Group messages are different but individual messages are not allowed.

There's a new phone law about no phones bell to bell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan on getting my kid a dumb phone once they can drive.

No need beforehand. Being a social outcast builds characrter.

I'm a long way away from this, but we've signed a pledge not to give our kindergartener a phone or social media access the entire time she's at her Catholic K-8.

When we get to high school the most I would do would be a dumbphone or whatever equivalent to a LightPhone exists at that time. Apparently it includes a camera, driving directions, texting, and voice, which is all that my kids need. Full-functionality smartphones are a huge distraction and will only drag down my child's grades.

I think you are in a unique position, in that your child's peers will be (presumably) following the same rules. My 7th grader does not have a phone, in a big public MS, and it's a significant social challenge. His friends are making plans on text chains, or setting up group projects, and counting on a bunch of 13 year-olds to remember that the need to text Larlo's mom because he does not have a phone is not a reliable strategy.

If you managed to hold strong into MS, it will be at least partially because every other kid will have signed the same pledge, which is a very different situation than kids who are not in private schools.

They have this same pledge at our K-8 but there is always the kid with divorced parents who gets a phone in 2nd grade to communicate when they’re at the other house and then the whining starts. By 5th grade a lot of the “cool” kids are getting phones especially if older siblings already have them.
I’m content to let my kid be uncool. He’s getting the watch for 6th grade.

Compliance with the pledge at our school is extremely high. At a recent school wide extracurricular event I saw only one child with a phone. But there’s a lot of ideological sorting into our school, so it’s way easier to get compliance from the parents. I don’t think a pledge like this would work in a public school or even a non-religious private.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan on getting my kid a dumb phone once they can drive.

No need beforehand. Being a social outcast builds characrter.

I'm a long way away from this, but we've signed a pledge not to give our kindergartener a phone or social media access the entire time she's at her Catholic K-8.

When we get to high school the most I would do would be a dumbphone or whatever equivalent to a LightPhone exists at that time. Apparently it includes a camera, driving directions, texting, and voice, which is all that my kids need. Full-functionality smartphones are a huge distraction and will only drag down my child's grades.

I think you are in a unique position, in that your child's peers will be (presumably) following the same rules. My 7th grader does not have a phone, in a big public MS, and it's a significant social challenge. His friends are making plans on text chains, or setting up group projects, and counting on a bunch of 13 year-olds to remember that the need to text Larlo's mom because he does not have a phone is not a reliable strategy.

If you managed to hold strong into MS, it will be at least partially because every other kid will have signed the same pledge, which is a very different situation than kids who are not in private schools.

They have this same pledge at our K-8 but there is always the kid with divorced parents who gets a phone in 2nd grade to communicate when they’re at the other house and then the whining starts. By 5th grade a lot of the “cool” kids are getting phones especially if older siblings already have them.
I’m content to let my kid be uncool. He’s getting the watch for 6th grade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

By high school your kid will be on things like remind, team snap, canvas, etc. All sorts of adults (coaches, teachers. EC leaders) will message them on these platforms and you will have nothing to do with it, which is normal and developmentally appropriate. They will not be texting your kids personal cell number but your kid would likely need some way to see and respond to all these messages in the various parts of their life much like you might need to see messages for your life. They will be treated like independent human beings in high school.

All of my teen's activities/communication has been accessible via computer. While there were apps for everything, it was also available through web browser so a phone wasn't required.