Anonymous
Post 05/20/2026 18:49     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Holding hands? Flirting ? Kissing ? sex? Or sexting?

All of those maters but what in practical terms would trigger a breakup? Don’t tell me any of those are the same, because it’s not true. Sex is the worst offense, but some of the other could be not so bad. What do you think?


Behavior you would be inclined to hide from your partner. That’s the threshold.

I’m having an affair and I’m not hiding it from my husband. He knows about it. He doesn’t like it but won’t divorce over it. I’m glad this isn’t considered cheating.


He is the one cheating himself out of a life worth living. You are just the catalyst feeding his self hatred and a symbol of his unworthiness. I would hate to be in both off your situations.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2026 05:25     Subject: Re:What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
In a nutshell - anything that pertains to a romantic interest in another person.

Everyone has a different threshold.
For me - - holding hands w/another person would constitute cheating in my heart + mind.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 18:30     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Holding hands? Flirting ? Kissing ? sex? Or sexting?

All of those maters but what in practical terms would trigger a breakup? Don’t tell me any of those are the same, because it’s not true. Sex is the worst offense, but some of the other could be not so bad. What do you think?


Behavior you would be inclined to hide from your partner. That’s the threshold.

I’m having an affair and I’m not hiding it from my husband. He knows about it. He doesn’t like it but won’t divorce over it. I’m glad this isn’t considered cheating.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 18:04     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
If you have to ask if you are cheating then the boundaries have probably already been crossed.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 12:05     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you would not do it in front of or tell your spouse then it is cheating

And if I would do it in front of or tell my spouse then it is NOT cheating?


Right, if this is something you wouldn’t and do not hide then it’s probably not cheating.

I have had vaguely flirty conversations with a spouse’s friend while spouse was there, spouse has done the same in front of me – not cheating.

I have a handsy make out session with spouse’s same friend – spouse would be incredibly hurt and would want to kill- cheating.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 11:59     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, we talked about cheating. Human beings do have attractions to people other than their spouse. Obviously full PIV is cheating unless you have an open marriage. But I'll put it this way, if I found out DH was confiding with a woman at work, even if it was never physical, that would bother me - emotional cheating? First, she would probably have a window into the marriage, second, why isn't he talking about these things to me?


What about women who vent every intimate detail of their marriage to their girlfriends? Do they not also have a window into the marriage?


I also don't find that appropriate, and DH would be angry if that was the case. Unless there is some kind of violence, it's nobody's business.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 11:56     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, we talked about cheating. Human beings do have attractions to people other than their spouse. Obviously full PIV is cheating unless you have an open marriage. But I'll put it this way, if I found out DH was confiding with a woman at work, even if it was never physical, that would bother me - emotional cheating? First, she would probably have a window into the marriage, second, why isn't he talking about these things to me?


What about women who vent every intimate detail of their marriage to their girlfriends? Do they not also have a window into the marriage?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 11:33     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, we talked about cheating. Human beings do have attractions to people other than their spouse. Obviously full PIV is cheating unless you have an open marriage. But I'll put it this way, if I found out DH was confiding with a woman at work, even if it was never physical, that would bother me - emotional cheating? First, she would probably have a window into the marriage, second, why isn't he talking about these things to me?


Agreed, there is no term I find more insulting than “work wife”. It shows you’ve stepped far over the boundaries of a healthy professional relationship and view your co-worker in some way similar to a spouse. When I’ve heard this in a professional setting I immediately assume the people involved are having an emotional affair and maybe a physical one.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 11:25     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Before we got married, we talked about cheating. Human beings do have attractions to people other than their spouse. Obviously full PIV is cheating unless you have an open marriage. But I'll put it this way, if I found out DH was confiding with a woman at work, even if it was never physical, that would bother me - emotional cheating? First, she would probably have a window into the marriage, second, why isn't he talking about these things to me?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 11:23     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:Holding hands? Flirting ? Kissing ? sex? Or sexting?

All of those maters but what in practical terms would trigger a breakup? Don’t tell me any of those are the same, because it’s not true. Sex is the worst offense, but some of the other could be not so bad. What do you think?


Dianna, is that you?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 10:49     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
This is a conversation that should be had at the beginning of the relationship. Then if you violate those agreements, you have cheated.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 10:47     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Flirting I think is the only one that sounds petty. We all laugh and make conversation with the opposite sex. Context would matter on that e.g., private texts vs just making conversation at an event.


Emotional affairs are a type of cheating


This is so dumb. No one ever got an emotional STD or an emotional unintended pregnancy.

There is not even a coherent definition of "emotional affair" beyond, "it hurts my feelings that my husband prefers the attention of this non-shrewish woman."


A physical boundary is a very loose boundary in reference to fidelity. Emotional affairs take the joy and attention missing from your marriage and move it outside the marriage. Your lack of awareness and description of her as shrewish are probably the reasons for the distance and dissatisfaction you both feel.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2026 08:20     Subject: What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
Ok, let’s assume I do want to have sex with a person outside my marriage but don’t want to cheat. Is consuming porn ok as a substitute?

Even if a person doesn’t cheat it doesn’t mean that they are faithful in their thoughts.