Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine hosted the shower, and invited friends of hers that I had never met. They weren’t invited to the wedding.

As the bride you should have reviewed the guest list. I hope they didn't feel obligated to give you gifts.

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely do not go to the shower. That is a gift grab, and unless there is a good reason, quite insulting.

100% this. I would be very insulted. It's totally a gift grab. So very rude. I would not send a gift.

Gift grab. Decline without guilt.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is your relationship with this person?

I don't want to be too specific, but it is along the lines of book club/sports team friend. And this is THE bridal shower: this is not a situation where another club member is hosting a small shower solely for members of the club.

I generally have pretty unpopular opinions about weddings. Family hosting shower? Fine. No kids? Fine. Cash bar? Fine. And I find this incredibly tacky and in poor taste. It's such an obvious gift grab.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how well you know the person. I've been invited to showers for co-workers, book club members, tennis team members, etc but would never expect to be sent an invite to their actual wedding. This is not something to be personally offended about.

I feel like in these situations, it’s more common for the group to throw a sort of mini shower separately. When I got married, I was in a church small group. I did not invite the women to my wedding nor my shower. At one of our regular meetings, though, someone brought cupcakes and the group gave me a gift off my registry they’d pitched in to buy, which I thought was so kind! We’ve since done similar for other group members even though we have not been invited to the actual wedding or shower.

Just because its common to you does not mean its universally common.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine hosted the shower, and invited friends of hers that I had never met. They weren’t invited to the wedding.

Wow. People really need to get familiar w/ Emily Post. BTW, do you consider that person a good friend b/c that's really odd thing to do?

A friend of mine hosted the shower, and invited friends of hers that I had never met. They weren’t invited to the wedding.

This is a gift grab and it is shameless.

This happened to me recently. I did not go and did not send a gift. If you don’t want to invite me to your wedding, you don’t get to expect that I will still send a gift and go to your shower to discuss the wedding plans that I am not invited to! So tacky.

Literally no. How gross.

I’d go, bring a wrapped gift, and gush about how excited you are for the wedding. Then ask the bride in front of others, “I haven’t received the wedding invite yet, though…do you have a website so I can see the logistics? Or when are the invites going out?”

Send them a cheap item like a picture frame from tj maxx but put it in a Tiffany’s box.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends. If it’s all the women from your office or a church group or a hobby group, I don’t think it’s offensive. I’ve also seen it done with destination or hometown weddings and a shower in the city the bride is actually living has similarly aged/time of life friends (neighbors/colleagues/etc) who aren’t expected to schlep wherever for the actual ceremony. Not weird to me.

OP this is exactly why it's tacky for a close member of the family to throw a wedding shower. If a friend wants to throw a shower and invite you, it shouldn't matter whether or not you were invited to the wedding. Also, +1 that church weddings are open to the public.

What?

Sigh.

“If a friend hosts the shower” it doesn’t matter if you’re invited to the actual wedding??? What?

Listen, an office shower thrown by colleagues for colleagues that is held at the office has nothing to do with the actual wedding. It’s just a typical work thing we do. Your coworkers don’t expect an invite to your wedding. They primarily just want an excuse to eat cake and not work for 2 hours and then skip out of work early.

This has nothing to do with non-work related showers, so I’m not sure how you are distinguishing between a friend or relative hosting a shower.

I realize old etiquette rules prevent relatives from hosting a shower, and I’ve always felt that was just stupid.

Parents typically host the wedding and engagement party, so why not a shower?

Anyway, it’s weird to invite someone to a shower but not the wedding. Really weird.

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends. If it’s all the women from your office or a church group or a hobby group, I don’t think it’s offensive. I’ve also seen it done with destination or hometown weddings and a shower in the city the bride is actually living has similarly aged/time of life friends (neighbors/colleagues/etc) who aren’t expected to schlep wherever for the actual ceremony. Not weird to me.

OP this is exactly why it's tacky for a close member of the family to throw a wedding shower. If a friend wants to throw a shower and invite you, it shouldn't matter whether or not you were invited to the wedding. Also, +1 that church weddings are open to the public.