How are you this triggered by the word what?

The only one I get annoyed by is DH when he does this. It’s obvious he did hear me but didn’t like what I said so he does this. So I don’t say anything and just look at him blankly in silence. But that is a different situation.

Must be a regional thing. I say what all the time. I can see when people screw up their faces and say what? Like they’re really confused. Like, say whaaaa? That doesn’t seem offensive either.

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure in traditional upper class England "what" is much more polite than "pardon"

No, that's not about being polite. It's a social class marker in the UK.

A polite upper class person says "what", while a polite chav says "pardon", thinking he/she is posh.

Source: I taught in a UK boarding school for three years, working with a lot of upper class Brits, young and old. The obsession with social class is even more intense in the UK than on DCUM, and their rules and metrics are even more intricate.

It’s a pause word. Just like um, er, huh,

Anonymous wrote:I’ve talked about this very subject with my family and friends who are white. I am white.

Exactly none of us find this rude

However, I’ve had my ass handed to me on more than one occasion at work when I have responded “what? “ to an African-American colleague. One woman absolutely lied to me and told me to never do that again and then didn’t speak to me.

This is in the District of Columbia and the black women who decided to lash out at me are DC residents and DC natives

Ha! Welcome to DC. This is a right of passage! Black women in office jobs in DC often times like to make life difficult for their white coworkers lol. It’s a form of “payback”.

My dyslexic kid with auditory processing did this to buy time to process the information while you were talking repeating yourself.

He learned to stop saying it but he stands quiet looking at you processing and people are always like did you hear me and he’s like yes. Then responds about 10 seconds later, which sounds quick but it’s really long.

My boss does this as a verbal tic but it’s more like “eeeh”, she’s British.

Pretty sure in traditional upper class England "what" is much more polite than "pardon"

Anonymous wrote:I’ve talked about this very subject with my family and friends who are white. I am white.

Exactly none of us find this rude

However, I’ve had my ass handed to me on more than one occasion at work when I have responded “what? “ to an African-American colleague. One woman absolutely lied to me and told me to never do that again and then didn’t speak to me.

This is in the District of Columbia and the black women who decided to lash out at me are DC residents and DC natives

Black people care more about respect. I am white and grew up in DC (in a majority black neighborhood) and this makes total sense to me.

“I’m sorry?”
“What was that?”
“I didn’t hear you, could you repeat that please?”

It’s also rude to launch into a question or whatever without first saying “good morning” or “hello” but white people do this all the time.

I think it sounds very rude to say “what?” but in addition to my environment this was strongly reinforced at home.

My husband is a “what”-er and it makes my skin crawl.

What is appropriate to say changes over time and in different cultures. The Dowager Countess on Downton classically said, “What?” When she didn’t like what one of the granddaughters said to her.

Anonymous wrote:It's funny to me people are saying that "what?" offends black women because I was literally juuuuust watching "Amber Says What?" from Seth Myers, and it's literally just a black woman comically saying "what?" to various pop culture and current event items. It's very funny!

That's a different "what" than the one under discussion here.

Anonymous wrote:I say “you’ll need to speak up.” People that don’t annunciate and project are annoying.

+1
It’s so incredibly rude.

I say “you’ll need to speak up.” People that don’t annunciate and project are annoying.

Anonymous wrote:You’re not apologizing for not being able to hear, you’re acknowledging the inconvenience of making them repeat themself.

NP

No one is making anyone do anything.

If they don’t want the “inconvenience” (LOL btw) of repeating themselves, maybe they should talk louder in the first place.

"What?", assuming gentle body language and tone, is an absolutely fine and efficient way to convey that you didn't hear someone.

Anonymous wrote:You’re not apologizing for not being able to hear, you’re acknowledging the inconvenience of making them repeat themself.

Maybe they should apologize to the person who can’t hear them for not speaking clearly or loudly.