Anonymous wrote:As someone whose (now ex) H cheated while I was pregnant, I would absolutely want to know.

First of all, STDs are extremely dangerous for babies.

Second, I found out eventually. I would have rather found out earlier, especially before the baby was born so I could have made better arrangements and not been dealing with the cheating postpartum.

Same!!! I would want to know. I found out my H was cheating 10 days after my daughter was born. There were people who knew who didn't speak up and I still struggle with that.

Anonymous wrote:Where did the STD justification come from? Why would he have STDs? Was your friend concerned that she was going to give him an STD?

Just because he's sexually active does not mean he's not careful. What is this narrative, anyway? "People who have non monogamous sex are diseased." Like it's medieval Europe.

Touched a nerve there, eh?

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. MYOB, this is a horrible idea. You want her to figure this out while pregnant, with a baby? That is cruel and selfish. You want her kids to grow up with divorced parents? That is horrible. Cheating isn’t even that serious anyways. I have multiple family members and friends, who I know have cheating spouses, but I would never tell them.

Unlike you someone people actually have self-respect.

Yes tell her. I would want to know.

Stay out of it

Pregnant women get tested for STDS as part of prenatal care. That's not a good reason to not MYOB.

For all we know, they had an open marriage, at least at the time. Don't go looking for drama just to make your own life more interesting.

Absolutely not. MYOB, this is a horrible idea. You want her to figure this out while pregnant, with a baby? That is cruel and selfish. You want her kids to grow up with divorced parents? That is horrible. Cheating isn’t even that serious anyways. I have multiple family members and friends, who I know have cheating spouses, but I would never tell them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if for no other reason than her being able to get checked for STDs. If she has them, her fetus has them.

If OP is worried about STDs, she should start by asking her friend to get checked. If her friend is clean, then he is clean.

I don't know if this has occurred to you, but the kind of guys who are cheating om their pregnant wives are often not monogamous in their cheating.

Another vote for stay out of it.
My one and only pregnancy was completely sidelined by my then husband and his identity crisis. All these years later, I still wish he had been able to keep himself together for those few months but he couldn’t. I was extremely stressed and our child ended up being born a little early and under 5 lbs. Maybe that all would have happened anyway but it may well have been from the additional stress I was under. This is not your drama, stay out of it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It seems the consensus is to tell her. What would you even say? My friend doesn’t want to be involved so obviously I’ll keep her anonymous.

Make it anonymous and mail to her. Don’t have your name on anything, or traceable to you or your friend.

I’m in the minority apparently but I would absolutely want to know if my H was cheating on me. Why would you not tell her? How is it fair to support this man’s lies and make her base her whole marriage on a lie? I would tell her. Join the sisterhood and don’t let her trust a cheating jerk who might even give her STDs. Who knows …

Anonymous wrote:No. You don't know their circumstances. They could have an open marriage.

In that case, who cares, right?

No. You don't know their circumstances. They could have an open marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It seems the consensus is to tell her. What would you even say? My friend doesn’t want to be involved so obviously I’ll keep her anonymous.

Then you don't tell her. You cannot tell her without providing evidences. That is irresponsible. To provide evidences you would have to expose your friend. Don't be stupid.

This was my first thought. You have no idea what can of worms this might open and it could put your friend in a bad/humiliating/dangerous situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It seems the consensus is to tell her. What would you even say? My friend doesn’t want to be involved so obviously I’ll keep her anonymous.

Then you don't tell her. You cannot tell her without providing evidences. That is irresponsible. To provide evidences you would have to expose your friend. Don't be stupid.

She can do whatever she wants with the info. She can do nothing, pay better attention, or confront her husband. He’s not going to tell the truth either way, and he’s sure not going to give up his AP’s names, but at least she will know.