Anonymous wrote:You seem like a troll.

Anonymous wrote:You seem like a troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing fine. This is all part of the process. You'll figure it out. Your parents can do some, but honestly, most of this is lessons that most people learn the hard way. Sounds like you're already doing that! Good. Here's where you go from here:

1) Don't go for a graduate degree when you don't have a career path in mind unless you have an enormous amount of generational wealth. Loving writing and being great at it is awesome, and opens up career doors for you. Graduate degrees will always be there for you if you want/need them once you have a little more life experience and a better idea what you want.

2) Internship sounds great, but it's time to start looking for a job for after it ends (I assume it's a summer internship?) You don't need to have this all figured out right now, you just need something to get you going, pay the bills, and start giving you a sense of "okay, here's what I like/don't like about various jobs having actually worked at a place for real people." Start asking around (maybe the career center at your school, too) and figure out where/how to look for and apply for jobs (I won't give advice about this, I've been out of the entry level job market too long) and just see what looks interesting and lines up with your skills. Most of my friends (in our 40s now) ended up in solid career paths through this method. They had a few different jobs in their 20s, one of them clicked, and that's what they're doing now. Very few set out on a Career Path and had that work out, and at least one who did that, successfully, is now miserable at work.

3) Set BIG boundaries with this thesis advisor. That's honestly, the biggest red flag in your post, especially given that you're kinda between friend groups right now. NO personal chat (from you or from him). Never go to his house. If your spidey sense ever tingles, say you feel nauseous and leave. You don't want to cut that tie, but you need to keep it all professional. If he starts over promising ("I can get you started as a novelist! I have tons of ties in publishing! You're a once in a generation talent!") back. away. That will end poorly for you! If you are a once in a generation talent, someone who isn't creepy will notice the regular way.

You'll be fine! Just keep on keepin' on. Good luck!

Thank you for the encouragement. This is all very helpful for me to hear.

Re: Professor. Yes, there's a lot of red flags with him. But honestly, I've told him so much about my personal life (because I had to for creative writing classes, which are inherently personal and intimate), and he's told me so much about his personal life (especially regarding his divorce with the other prof) that it would feel really weird and out of character for me to not engage in any personal chat. Especially since most of my creative writing is based on my personal life and my family story, it would feel almost un-academic for me to not tell him about my personal life.

I know it's super unprofessional of him to confess to me (as a current student) about all the happenings of his divorce, especially since he's telling me that "these are things that you should not tell the other students! Just keep this private between you and me." But... I kinda like feeling special and singled out by a professor? Like I know it's super toxic and really dangerous, but I really do enjoy it when an authority figure singles me out and portrays me as special, or above other students. And yes, I'm in therapy (and have been in therapy for the past 8 years). BUT... I have to say, I have a MASSIVE crush on this professor and would TOTALLY date him. Yes, I'm only confessing this because it's an anonymous forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing fine. This is all part of the process. You'll figure it out. Your parents can do some, but honestly, most of this is lessons that most people learn the hard way. Sounds like you're already doing that! Good. Here's where you go from here:

1) Don't go for a graduate degree when you don't have a career path in mind unless you have an enormous amount of generational wealth. Loving writing and being great at it is awesome, and opens up career doors for you. Graduate degrees will always be there for you if you want/need them once you have a little more life experience and a better idea what you want.

2) Internship sounds great, but it's time to start looking for a job for after it ends (I assume it's a summer internship?) You don't need to have this all figured out right now, you just need something to get you going, pay the bills, and start giving you a sense of "okay, here's what I like/don't like about various jobs having actually worked at a place for real people." Start asking around (maybe the career center at your school, too) and figure out where/how to look for and apply for jobs (I won't give advice about this, I've been out of the entry level job market too long) and just see what looks interesting and lines up with your skills. Most of my friends (in our 40s now) ended up in solid career paths through this method. They had a few different jobs in their 20s, one of them clicked, and that's what they're doing now. Very few set out on a Career Path and had that work out, and at least one who did that, successfully, is now miserable at work.

3) Set BIG boundaries with this thesis advisor. That's honestly, the biggest red flag in your post, especially given that you're kinda between friend groups right now. NO personal chat (from you or from him). Never go to his house. If your spidey sense ever tingles, say you feel nauseous and leave. You don't want to cut that tie, but you need to keep it all professional. If he starts over promising ("I can get you started as a novelist! I have tons of ties in publishing! You're a once in a generation talent!") back. away. That will end poorly for you! If you are a once in a generation talent, someone who isn't creepy will notice the regular way.

You'll be fine! Just keep on keepin' on. Good luck!

Thank you for the encouragement. This is all very helpful for me to hear.

Re: Professor. Yes, there's a lot of red flags with him. But honestly, I've told him so much about my personal life (because I had to for creative writing classes, which are inherently personal and intimate), and he's told me so much about his personal life (especially regarding his divorce with the other prof) that it would feel really weird and out of character for me to not engage in any personal chat. Especially since most of my creative writing is based on my personal life and my family story, it would feel almost un-academic for me to not tell him about my personal life.

I know it's super unprofessional of him to confess to me (as a current student) about all the happenings of his divorce, especially since he's telling me that "these are things that you should not tell the other students! Just keep this private between you and me." But... I kinda like feeling special and singled out by a professor? Like I know it's super toxic and really dangerous, but I really do enjoy it when an authority figure singles me out and portrays me as special, or above other students. And yes, I'm in therapy (and have been in therapy for the past 8 years). BUT... I have to say, I have a MASSIVE crush on this professor and would TOTALLY date him. Yes, I'm only confessing this because it's an anonymous forum.

Go to chumplady.com and read about ego kibbles. Your professor is using you to boost his ego. And vice versa.

There's a book about an Oberlin professor getting a divorce. Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies. Read that instead.

If you ever want to be happily married, you'll statistically do better avoiding divorced guys. Only some learn and change. And the cheater types lie like crazy. You can never trust them. Ever.

If I had been your mom I would have warned you off pets. Always more difficult when you don't own your own home.

You ARE doing better than I was at graduation. I didn't have any job. So kudos to you for having an internship and a plan. If you ever find yourself unemployed, don't retreat into a shell. Find a volunteer position that will keep you meeting people and interacting socially (a reason to get out of bed) until you find a paying job.

I agree with the person above who said to find a way to profitably use your language skills. You need some security an MFA can't provide.

Good luck!

Isabel Gillies's dh, while not great, was not a creep going for students. He fell for a younger professor and they are still married.

Wrong - he's now with a new wife and is no longer married to the colleague with whom he had the affair while he was married to Gillies.
https://oberlinreview.org/29009/uncategorized/love-in-the-literature/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing fine. This is all part of the process. You'll figure it out. Your parents can do some, but honestly, most of this is lessons that most people learn the hard way. Sounds like you're already doing that! Good. Here's where you go from here:

1) Don't go for a graduate degree when you don't have a career path in mind unless you have an enormous amount of generational wealth. Loving writing and being great at it is awesome, and opens up career doors for you. Graduate degrees will always be there for you if you want/need them once you have a little more life experience and a better idea what you want.

2) Internship sounds great, but it's time to start looking for a job for after it ends (I assume it's a summer internship?) You don't need to have this all figured out right now, you just need something to get you going, pay the bills, and start giving you a sense of "okay, here's what I like/don't like about various jobs having actually worked at a place for real people." Start asking around (maybe the career center at your school, too) and figure out where/how to look for and apply for jobs (I won't give advice about this, I've been out of the entry level job market too long) and just see what looks interesting and lines up with your skills. Most of my friends (in our 40s now) ended up in solid career paths through this method. They had a few different jobs in their 20s, one of them clicked, and that's what they're doing now. Very few set out on a Career Path and had that work out, and at least one who did that, successfully, is now miserable at work.

3) Set BIG boundaries with this thesis advisor. That's honestly, the biggest red flag in your post, especially given that you're kinda between friend groups right now. NO personal chat (from you or from him). Never go to his house. If your spidey sense ever tingles, say you feel nauseous and leave. You don't want to cut that tie, but you need to keep it all professional. If he starts over promising ("I can get you started as a novelist! I have tons of ties in publishing! You're a once in a generation talent!") back. away. That will end poorly for you! If you are a once in a generation talent, someone who isn't creepy will notice the regular way.

You'll be fine! Just keep on keepin' on. Good luck!

Thank you for the encouragement. This is all very helpful for me to hear.

Re: Professor. Yes, there's a lot of red flags with him. But honestly, I've told him so much about my personal life (because I had to for creative writing classes, which are inherently personal and intimate), and he's told me so much about his personal life (especially regarding his divorce with the other prof) that it would feel really weird and out of character for me to not engage in any personal chat. Especially since most of my creative writing is based on my personal life and my family story, it would feel almost un-academic for me to not tell him about my personal life.

I know it's super unprofessional of him to confess to me (as a current student) about all the happenings of his divorce, especially since he's telling me that "these are things that you should not tell the other students! Just keep this private between you and me." But... I kinda like feeling special and singled out by a professor? Like I know it's super toxic and really dangerous, but I really do enjoy it when an authority figure singles me out and portrays me as special, or above other students. And yes, I'm in therapy (and have been in therapy for the past 8 years). BUT... I have to say, I have a MASSIVE crush on this professor and would TOTALLY date him. Yes, I'm only confessing this because it's an anonymous forum.

Go to chumplady.com and read about ego kibbles. Your professor is using you to boost his ego. And vice versa.

There's a book about an Oberlin professor getting a divorce. Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies. Read that instead.

If you ever want to be happily married, you'll statistically do better avoiding divorced guys. Only some learn and change. And the cheater types lie like crazy. You can never trust them. Ever.

If I had been your mom I would have warned you off pets. Always more difficult when you don't own your own home.

You ARE doing better than I was at graduation. I didn't have any job. So kudos to you for having an internship and a plan. If you ever find yourself unemployed, don't retreat into a shell. Find a volunteer position that will keep you meeting people and interacting socially (a reason to get out of bed) until you find a paying job.

I agree with the person above who said to find a way to profitably use your language skills. You need some security an MFA can't provide.

Good luck!

Isabel Gillies's dh, while not great, was not a creep going for students. He fell for a younger professor and they are still married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing fine. This is all part of the process. You'll figure it out. Your parents can do some, but honestly, most of this is lessons that most people learn the hard way. Sounds like you're already doing that! Good. Here's where you go from here:

1) Don't go for a graduate degree when you don't have a career path in mind unless you have an enormous amount of generational wealth. Loving writing and being great at it is awesome, and opens up career doors for you. Graduate degrees will always be there for you if you want/need them once you have a little more life experience and a better idea what you want.

2) Internship sounds great, but it's time to start looking for a job for after it ends (I assume it's a summer internship?) You don't need to have this all figured out right now, you just need something to get you going, pay the bills, and start giving you a sense of "okay, here's what I like/don't like about various jobs having actually worked at a place for real people." Start asking around (maybe the career center at your school, too) and figure out where/how to look for and apply for jobs (I won't give advice about this, I've been out of the entry level job market too long) and just see what looks interesting and lines up with your skills. Most of my friends (in our 40s now) ended up in solid career paths through this method. They had a few different jobs in their 20s, one of them clicked, and that's what they're doing now. Very few set out on a Career Path and had that work out, and at least one who did that, successfully, is now miserable at work.

3) Set BIG boundaries with this thesis advisor. That's honestly, the biggest red flag in your post, especially given that you're kinda between friend groups right now. NO personal chat (from you or from him). Never go to his house. If your spidey sense ever tingles, say you feel nauseous and leave. You don't want to cut that tie, but you need to keep it all professional. If he starts over promising ("I can get you started as a novelist! I have tons of ties in publishing! You're a once in a generation talent!") back. away. That will end poorly for you! If you are a once in a generation talent, someone who isn't creepy will notice the regular way.

You'll be fine! Just keep on keepin' on. Good luck!

Thank you for the encouragement. This is all very helpful for me to hear.

Re: Professor. Yes, there's a lot of red flags with him. But honestly, I've told him so much about my personal life (because I had to for creative writing classes, which are inherently personal and intimate), and he's told me so much about his personal life (especially regarding his divorce with the other prof) that it would feel really weird and out of character for me to not engage in any personal chat. Especially since most of my creative writing is based on my personal life and my family story, it would feel almost un-academic for me to not tell him about my personal life.

I know it's super unprofessional of him to confess to me (as a current student) about all the happenings of his divorce, especially since he's telling me that "these are things that you should not tell the other students! Just keep this private between you and me." But... I kinda like feeling special and singled out by a professor? Like I know it's super toxic and really dangerous, but I really do enjoy it when an authority figure singles me out and portrays me as special, or above other students. And yes, I'm in therapy (and have been in therapy for the past 8 years). BUT... I have to say, I have a MASSIVE crush on this professor and would TOTALLY date him. Yes, I'm only confessing this because it's an anonymous forum.

Go to chumplady.com and read about ego kibbles. Your professor is using you to boost his ego. And vice versa.

There's a book about an Oberlin professor getting a divorce. Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies. Read that instead.

If you ever want to be happily married, you'll statistically do better avoiding divorced guys. Only some learn and change. And the cheater types lie like crazy. You can never trust them. Ever.

If I had been your mom I would have warned you off pets. Always more difficult when you don't own your own home.

You ARE doing better than I was at graduation. I didn't have any job. So kudos to you for having an internship and a plan. If you ever find yourself unemployed, don't retreat into a shell. Find a volunteer position that will keep you meeting people and interacting socially (a reason to get out of bed) until you find a paying job.

I agree with the person above who said to find a way to profitably use your language skills. You need some security an MFA can't provide.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are doing fine. This is all part of the process. You'll figure it out. Your parents can do some, but honestly, most of this is lessons that most people learn the hard way. Sounds like you're already doing that! Good. Here's where you go from here:

1) Don't go for a graduate degree when you don't have a career path in mind unless you have an enormous amount of generational wealth. Loving writing and being great at it is awesome, and opens up career doors for you. Graduate degrees will always be there for you if you want/need them once you have a little more life experience and a better idea what you want.

2) Internship sounds great, but it's time to start looking for a job for after it ends (I assume it's a summer internship?) You don't need to have this all figured out right now, you just need something to get you going, pay the bills, and start giving you a sense of "okay, here's what I like/don't like about various jobs having actually worked at a place for real people." Start asking around (maybe the career center at your school, too) and figure out where/how to look for and apply for jobs (I won't give advice about this, I've been out of the entry level job market too long) and just see what looks interesting and lines up with your skills. Most of my friends (in our 40s now) ended up in solid career paths through this method. They had a few different jobs in their 20s, one of them clicked, and that's what they're doing now. Very few set out on a Career Path and had that work out, and at least one who did that, successfully, is now miserable at work.

3) Set BIG boundaries with this thesis advisor. That's honestly, the biggest red flag in your post, especially given that you're kinda between friend groups right now. NO personal chat (from you or from him). Never go to his house. If your spidey sense ever tingles, say you feel nauseous and leave. You don't want to cut that tie, but you need to keep it all professional. If he starts over promising ("I can get you started as a novelist! I have tons of ties in publishing! You're a once in a generation talent!") back. away. That will end poorly for you! If you are a once in a generation talent, someone who isn't creepy will notice the regular way.

You'll be fine! Just keep on keepin' on. Good luck!

Thank you for the encouragement. This is all very helpful for me to hear.

Re: Professor. Yes, there's a lot of red flags with him. But honestly, I've told him so much about my personal life (because I had to for creative writing classes, which are inherently personal and intimate), and he's told me so much about his personal life (especially regarding his divorce with the other prof) that it would feel really weird and out of character for me to not engage in any personal chat. Especially since most of my creative writing is based on my personal life and my family story, it would feel almost un-academic for me to not tell him about my personal life.

I know it's super unprofessional of him to confess to me (as a current student) about all the happenings of his divorce, especially since he's telling me that "these are things that you should not tell the other students! Just keep this private between you and me." But... I kinda like feeling special and singled out by a professor? Like I know it's super toxic and really dangerous, but I really do enjoy it when an authority figure singles me out and portrays me as special, or above other students. And yes, I'm in therapy (and have been in therapy for the past 8 years). BUT... I have to say, I have a MASSIVE crush on this professor and would TOTALLY date him. Yes, I'm only confessing this because it's an anonymous forum.