Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 22:09     Subject: "fancy" experiences
We make quite a bit more than that, but both of us are very frugal. I've stressed about the metaphorical guac in all my choices for my whole life. Only the past few years I've been actively trying to shake that emotional baggage and focus on the joy I'm getting instead of the cost of each choice.

We both love tea parties and have been to a bunch of fancy ones and loved it. We recently did one that was over $1k. We got all dressed up, had a lovely time with our kids, and also got an amazing family photo. Yeah that's a lot of money, but having another thousand dollars won't matter much after a certain threshold of savings and income. The memories and the photos do though.

Lots of experiences also have a window of time in your life when they're fun. Spend money to create happiness now, don't wait until you're too old or the circumstances have changed and it's not fun anymore.

Since you're starting from the already frugal position I would say make a yearly budget for how much you're willing to spend on experiences. Then double that amount. Then go live your life and have fun!
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 21:07     Subject: Re:"fancy" experiences
I too am frugal - not going to list the ways. When I was really poor I never splurged on things that cost money. But once we weren’t living paycheck to paycheck we did start doing splurge events. Like many others said, we love concerts. I am a huge broadway fan and go a few times a year - booked way in advance with cheap Sam day round trip train tickets and eating grab and go food. We always have a gym membership. We sometimes go to baseball games.

Life is short. Don’t overspend. But don’t die wishing you had done High Tea when you can afford it. Take lots of photos so you can look back on it and remember how special it was.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 20:21     Subject: Re:"fancy" experiences
I have opportunities to go to both the Taylor Swift concert and Adele for free.

And I turned them down, and the reason was, it was free, I told the person that I would not appreciate them as much as somebody else would.

Oddly they asked me if there was any concert that I would appreciate I said Bocelli but there were other concerts. I went to that I appreciated. It’s just the thought that so many people were trying to get those tickets and that somebody would feel like it was life altering. I didn’t feel good taking them.

Other concerts my work gave me tickets to were J Lo, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill,
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 20:17     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.


As my income has increased substantially, I still struggled with feeling ripped off. For instance, as a celebration, my wife and I went to the Four Seasons for 90 minute massages. It was nearly $1,000 with tip and just felt like a waste. Like it was nice, but it wasn’t thaaaaat nice.


I mean ... that's not where you go for massages.


Tell me where to go?
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 20:07     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.


As my income has increased substantially, I still struggled with feeling ripped off. For instance, as a celebration, my wife and I went to the Four Seasons for 90 minute massages. It was nearly $1,000 with tip and just felt like a waste. Like it was nice, but it wasn’t thaaaaat nice.


I relate to this.

I think there is this massive gap in terms of service and experiences between middle class and very rich, and it sucks. Like a middle class person would go get a massage at Massage Envy using a coupon. And it wouldn't be amazing but it wouldn't be terrible. They might think "hmm, this could be nicer" and they might even wonder if it was worth the $150 or $200 they spent for a special experience. They might wonder if being able to go to a nicer spa would make for a much better experience.

But then you go to the nicer spas and you spend double or triple or quadruple the amount and is it twice or three times or four times as nice? No. It's like... a little nicer. That's it.

I think you don't get to a truly luxurious experience where you feel truly, completely pampered until you are so rich you can get the personal masseuse who comes to $20,000/night suite or something. But that's truly just for the really rich people, not for UMC or even slightly wealthier people.

Which has led me, a regular UMC person, to decide that for the most part I will just do the much less expensive and less "luxurious" version of most things, save the money for retirement so I can stop working a little sooner or feel a bit more financially secure, and accept that I'm never going to do certain things (fly in lie-flat first class seats overseas, stay at a White Lotus-level resort, eat at certain Michelin starred restaurants, get my hair cut by the sort of person who cuts the hair of celebs and socialites, etc.). It's fine. I still have more than like 99.9% of the world population, I will get over it.


Massages are one of those things where you need to find a good therapist, and they aren’t necessarily at the high end places. The fancy places may have great ambience but I’ve had totally meh massages are really high end resorts and I have a great therapist at a local reasonably priced tiny studio.

Tea is sort of the same. It’s a fun girls day out but how good it is can vary although ambience is usually nice. I had tea at the Waldorf in DC recently and I thought it wasn’t great, and crazy expensive. Fortunately I wasn’t paying.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 20:02     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.


This.

Especially true for experiences "designed" for families and kids. We have done some of these and my kids didn't care at all. They'd be happier at a decent playground or doing taco night at our house or something.

A lot of this stuff is designed to look good on social media but not to actually be fun. So you're supposed to go and pose for photos where you look like you are having a lot of fun but in reality you spend most of the time standing in lines to go to the place where you take the photo/video you are supposed to post on social media.

I don't post on social media so this is not worthwhile to me.

I am inherently suspicious of anything that most people find out about via seeing on other people's social media.


I feel like this is nonsense made up by someone who wants to feel better about never going and doing anything.

None of the "stuff" originally referenced by OP is "designed to look good on social media but not to actually be fun."
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 20:00     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.


As my income has increased substantially, I still struggled with feeling ripped off. For instance, as a celebration, my wife and I went to the Four Seasons for 90 minute massages. It was nearly $1,000 with tip and just felt like a waste. Like it was nice, but it wasn’t thaaaaat nice.


I mean ... that's not where you go for massages.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:57     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.


As my income has increased substantially, I still struggled with feeling ripped off. For instance, as a celebration, my wife and I went to the Four Seasons for 90 minute massages. It was nearly $1,000 with tip and just felt like a waste. Like it was nice, but it wasn’t thaaaaat nice.


I relate to this.

I think there is this massive gap in terms of service and experiences between middle class and very rich, and it sucks. Like a middle class person would go get a massage at Massage Envy using a coupon. And it wouldn't be amazing but it wouldn't be terrible. They might think "hmm, this could be nicer" and they might even wonder if it was worth the $150 or $200 they spent for a special experience. They might wonder if being able to go to a nicer spa would make for a much better experience.

But then you go to the nicer spas and you spend double or triple or quadruple the amount and is it twice or three times or four times as nice? No. It's like... a little nicer. That's it.

I think you don't get to a truly luxurious experience where you feel truly, completely pampered until you are so rich you can get the personal masseuse who comes to $20,000/night suite or something. But that's truly just for the really rich people, not for UMC or even slightly wealthier people.

Which has led me, a regular UMC person, to decide that for the most part I will just do the much less expensive and less "luxurious" version of most things, save the money for retirement so I can stop working a little sooner or feel a bit more financially secure, and accept that I'm never going to do certain things (fly in lie-flat first class seats overseas, stay at a White Lotus-level resort, eat at certain Michelin starred restaurants, get my hair cut by the sort of person who cuts the hair of celebs and socialites, etc.). It's fine. I still have more than like 99.9% of the world population, I will get over it.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:50     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.


This.

Especially true for experiences "designed" for families and kids. We have done some of these and my kids didn't care at all. They'd be happier at a decent playground or doing taco night at our house or something.

A lot of this stuff is designed to look good on social media but not to actually be fun. So you're supposed to go and pose for photos where you look like you are having a lot of fun but in reality you spend most of the time standing in lines to go to the place where you take the photo/video you are supposed to post on social media.

I don't post on social media so this is not worthwhile to me.

I am inherently suspicious of anything that most people find out about via seeing on other people's social media.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:40     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:If your hhi is under 300k, do you sometimes do something like a tea at a beautiful hotel, a round of golf (if you golf, or whatever equivalent) at a local resort, a concert that costs $500/ticket...? I never do any of these things. I was at a gorgeous hotel last week just passing by and saw the tea and it looked like an experience I would enjoy, but I find it very hard spending $250+ on a single event over in one hour or two.


I do because my mom turned 65 and died two months later. I save and I am responsible with my finances and every now and again I can have afternoon tea or a spa day or go to a concert.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:28     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.


As my income has increased substantially, I still struggled with feeling ripped off. For instance, as a celebration, my wife and I went to the Four Seasons for 90 minute massages. It was nearly $1,000 with tip and just felt like a waste. Like it was nice, but it wasn’t thaaaaat nice.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:25     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Some of these things are just ripoffs, which is why I have trouble doing them.

Like the prices are dramatically inflated so strivers can feel superior.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:14     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My HHI is now a lot higher than that (but that’s a very recent phenomenon), and the high teas and really expensive massages still feel just stupid expensive to me for the amount of money, time spent, and enjoyment. But, if it’s something that brings you a ton of joy, it may well be worth it. I personally do really enjoy certain really expensive fine dining and don’t feel bad about it (and didn’t at my lower HHI either).


afternoon teas, not high teas. High tea is working-class dinner.


lol
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:13     Subject: "fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:I’m super frugal, like cut my own hair, wear drugstore makeup if at all, nondesigner purse I use for years, but I did go to the Little Inn at Washington to see the hype of a three Michelin star restaurant. It was fun, whimsical and charming. I wouldn’t go again but I’m glad I did.


I've been twice over the past 20 years or so and enjoyed it both times, but I don't know enough about food to appreciate it and I don't drink, so I probably won't go again. That big cow-shaped cheese cart that lets out "mooooo" is amazing, though. I loved that thing. I would consider going again just to see it and get some cheese from it, lol (that is something that I actually do appreciate, a cheese course in lieu of dessert).
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 19:11     Subject: Re:"fancy" experiences
Anonymous wrote:My HHI is under $100K, and I went to a fancy tea once but someone else paid. I would never pay $500 for a concert ticket. There was a year when I survived on $19k and I kept telling myself things I wanted were "for other people". And even though I'm doing much better financially now, I still believe that. Regular people don't fly on private planes. Regular people don't have weekly cleaning ladies. Regular people don't use Waymo. Or regularly get boba or whatever else. I have a cousin who joined her county's ski club and went on skip trips this winter. She's always posting pictures of her eating /drinking out with friends. Bars, wineries, restaurants. I can't afford that. That's for other people, not me.


Accurate ^^. We've all been sold a lie with regard to what a "regular" lifestyle is, thanks to SM. That lie was always there in marketing, but with SM it's taken off like never before and convinced us we are missing out on things that everyone else is doing, when everyone else is in fact not doing those things.

Hell, I don't even know what Waymo is.