Anonymous wrote:Women posters will hang you dry very soon. I hate that about women.

Nobody hates women more than other women.

Anonymous wrote:I like when I see men commenting on posts here, it actually makes me feel happy and kind of like… wow. Even when you don’t agree with the OP, it’s usually more like “I don’t like that” without attacking, and I respect that. It makes me want to talk to men more. Most of my friends are men, and I think men are underappreciated. A lot of women hate men for no reason, and it’s odd.

First and most importantly, how are you doing? I hope everything going well in your life.

What do you actually want?
Like in life, in relationships, all of

How can women make things better for you?

What makes you feel respected or valued?

What do you want from the woman you’re with?

What kind of woman do you actually want to date?

And do you think men are devalued right now?

53 year old man here. Divorced. 3 kids.
My answers to your questions reflect the views of most men I talk to.

What do you actually want? Like in life, in relationships, all of
Peace. That is the entire answer. That is it. Every single man over the age of 25 wants peace. Not excitement. Not drama. Not somebody to challenge him. Not somebody to keep him on his toes. Peace.

How can women make things better for you?
Women can make things better by accepting men as they are, rather than attempting to fix them. Stop trying to improve him. Stop trying to make him a better man. The entire rest of the world is already doing that. His boss. His competitors. The bill collector. Every single person he meets every single day is telling him he is not good enough. If you are the woman in his life your only job is to be the one person that thinks he is good enough right now. That is it. That is the thing no other human being on earth can give him.

What makes you feel respected or valued?
Respect is not telling me you love me. Respect is not cooking me dinner. Respect is when you disagree with me, but you never embarrass me in front of other people. Respect is when another man comes at me, you do not stand there neutral. Respect is when you do not run and tell every single one of your girlfriends and your mom every single complaint you have about me.

Love is optional. Respect is mandatory. A man will leave a woman that loves him but does not respect him 100 times out of 100. He will stay with a woman that respects him and does not love him long before the reverse.

What do you want from the woman you’re with?
Loyalty. Not fidelity. Loyalty. Fidelity is the smallest part of loyalty. Loyalty means you are on my team. First. Before everybody else. Before your friends. Before your family. Before your feelings.

What kind of woman do you actually want to date?
The number one most attractive trait a woman can have is low maintenance. Not low maintenance financially. Low maintenance emotionally.
A man that has his stuff together does not care about your degree. He does not care about your job. He does not care about your 6 figure salary. He does not care how many countries you have been to. What he cares about is: Are you pleasant to be around. Can I bring you around my people and not be embarrassed. Can I go to sleep and know you are not going to wake me up at 3am to have an argument about something that happened 3 years ago. That is it.

Do you think men are devalued right now?
Absolutely. Undeniably. Men have always been disposable. That is not new. For 100 thousand years men were the ones that went to fight the tiger. We were the ones that went to war. What is new is that now men are disposable and unappreciated. Before, if you went and fought the tiger, if you worked 60 hours a week, society would at least say thank you. Now you do all that exact same stuff, and you are told you are the problem. You are told you are privileged. You are told you are not doing enough.

There is no reward. There is no respect. There is no gratitude. And then everybody acts surprised that men are checking out. That men don't want to get married anymore. That men are going their own way. Why would they? What is in it for him?

Now you can be mad. You can go call me a misogynist. But not a single one of you will say I lied.

First and most importantly, how are you doing? I hope everything going well in your life. Going well

What do you actually want? Peace and quiet
Like in life, in relationships, all of

How can women make things better for you? Well, I don't want unhealthy debates and I don't want a competitive streak. Leave your work at work.

What makes you feel respected or valued? Peace and quiet

What do you want from the woman you’re with? Peace and quiet with no added layers of bs.

What kind of woman do you actually want to date? One who also needs peace and quiet. Not sloppy or stinky would be a plus. No tats and all teeth available and present.

And do you think men are devalued right now? In the DMV? yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you actually want?

Here is my attempt to answer:

Like in life, in relationships, all of

I want a fun companion. She should be smart, empathetic, interesting and attractive. She should be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.

How can women make things better for you?

She can be calming when things are stressful. She can remind me of good things about me when things are going badly. She can be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me..

What makes you feel respected or valued?

I feel respected and valued when a woman expresses and her conduct shows respect, and when she says and her conduct shows she values me. Talk is good but talk is cheap. She also has to be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.

What do you want from the woman you’re with?

I want stimulating conversation, honesty, intellect, and kindness. She also should be horny frequently and and enjoy having sex with me.

What kind of woman do you actually want to date?

I want to date a smart, kind, funny, attractive woman.
Age is unimportant if she's younger. If she's older, she better be incredible.She also should be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.


And do you think men are devalued right now?

I think women think that because men are bad at expressing their emotions, men must not have emotions. That's a common attitude and it's really dumb. Some women also don't realize how important men are in their lives and the lives of their children.

My favorite part about this is the subtext that tells us that PP is probably lazy and absolutely does not understand that women’s desire is 100% tied to their partner’s ability to ignite their ardor (no, I’m not talking chores) and attractiveness (no, you can’t have a big gut and expect this).

It goes deeper than that. Starting in the 70s but really peaking in the 90s/00s was the concept that women's sexuality was underestimated. While there were positives that came out of that, a big negative was that men were told a story that women are horny just like them. But that isn't the case, it isn't even in the ballpark of being true. So, you had this cohort of men who grew up thinking that women had the same level of desire and that they didn't need to put in much effort because, well, they didn't need much from women to make them horny. We got to the point where the idea was "if you really love me, you should want me all the time." The reality is that women's desire is much more conditional. Now you have middle-age women who are just checking out of sex, not caring if they ever have it again, and younger women avoiding relationships because the male cohort is brainwashed. It is a giant mess.

I think most women are horny but not just like men. Post divorce, most women I've been with have wanted sex as often as I did or more. They'd wake me up in the middle of the night. They'd call me to tell me they were horny. But a lot of those women said they couldn't feel sexual with most men and some had to spend a lot of time with me before they wanted to have sex, even though there was instant attraction. Mostly I've dated women over 45. I've dated a few under 35. Most of the ones under 35 were ready to go on the first or second date.

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW but I will do some self-reflection. Been with DH for 40 years. 35 yrs of happy marriage.

- Similar background, similar education, value system, similar families.
- Attraction and attractiveness.
- Easy going personality, low drama, have good boundaries.
- Generally not sweating the small things
- Loyal, Loving

Yay!
Good for the both of you.

I am a DW but I will do some self-reflection. Been with DH for 40 years. 35 yrs of happy marriage.

- Similar background, similar education, value system, similar families.
- Attraction and attractiveness.
- Easy going personality, low drama, have good boundaries.
- Generally not sweating the small things
- Loyal, Loving

“men rarely hear appreciation unless they’re actively doing something useful.”

“because men are bad at expressing their emotions, men must not have emotions.”

What do you mean by this? Are these things from the manosphere? My husband says some of these same things, and I have no idea what he is talking about or what he means in a practical way.
He doesn’t want me to help him learn to express his emotions better. He doesn’t want to work on his own intrinsic sense of self-worth so that he’s can believe it or hear it when people say they love him when he isn’t “doing something useful.”

Am I supposed to waive a magic wand over him? Bathe him in the rivers of Dante’s Pergatorio?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you actually want?

Here is my attempt to answer:

Like in life, in relationships, all of

I want a fun companion. She should be smart, empathetic, interesting and attractive. She should be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.

How can women make things better for you?

She can be calming when things are stressful. She can remind me of good things about me when things are going badly. She can be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me..

What makes you feel respected or valued?

I feel respected and valued when a woman expresses and her conduct shows respect, and when she says and her conduct shows she values me. Talk is good but talk is cheap. She also has to be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.

What do you want from the woman you’re with?

I want stimulating conversation, honesty, intellect, and kindness. She also should be horny frequently and and enjoy having sex with me.

What kind of woman do you actually want to date?

I want to date a smart, kind, funny, attractive woman.
Age is unimportant if she's younger. If she's older, she better be incredible.She also should be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.


And do you think men are devalued right now?

I think women think that because men are bad at expressing their emotions, men must not have emotions. That's a common attitude and it's really dumb. Some women also don't realize how important men are in their lives and the lives of their children.

My favorite part about this is the subtext that tells us that PP is probably lazy and absolutely does not understand that women’s desire is 100% tied to their partner’s ability to ignite their ardor (no, I’m not talking chores) and attractiveness (no, you can’t have a big gut and expect this).

It goes deeper than that. Starting in the 70s but really peaking in the 90s/00s was the concept that women's sexuality was underestimated. While there were positives that came out of that, a big negative was that men were told a story that women are horny just like them. But that isn't the case, it isn't even in the ballpark of being true. So, you had this cohort of men who grew up thinking that women had the same level of desire and that they didn't need to put in much effort because, well, they didn't need much from women to make them horny. We got to the point where the idea was "if you really love me, you should want me all the time." The reality is that women's desire is much more conditional. Now you have middle-age women who are just checking out of sex, not caring if they ever have it again, and younger women avoiding relationships because the male cohort is brainwashed. It is a giant mess.

Anonymous wrote:I like when I see men commenting on posts here, it actually makes me feel happy and kind of like… wow. Even when you don’t agree with the OP, it’s usually more like “I don’t like that” without attacking, and I respect that. It makes me want to talk to men more. Most of my friends are men, and I think men are underappreciated. A lot of women hate men for no reason, and it’s odd.

First and most importantly, how are you doing? I hope everything going well in your life.

What do you actually want?
Like in life, in relationships, all of

How can women make things better for you?

What makes you feel respected or valued?

What do you want from the woman you’re with?

What kind of woman do you actually want to date?

And do you think men are devalued right now?

NHonestly, I think most men just want some peace, purpose, and someone who genuinely wants them around . not just for what they provide, but for who they are.

As for me personally:

In life: I want stability, meaningful relationships, financial freedom, and a life that feels calm more than performative.
In relationships: loyalty, emotional safety, attraction, honesty, and teamwork. Someone who feels like a partner instead of an opponent.

How women can make things better?
A lot of men rarely hear appreciation unless they’re actively doing something useful. Simple things matter more than people realize: respect, kindness, reassurance, feeling wanted, being spoken to with patience instead of contempt. Most men remember those things for years.

What makes me feel respected:

Being listened to without immediately being assumed wrong or malicious
Feeling trusted
Effort being reciprocated
Affection initiated sometimes
Support during hard times, not just during successful times

What I’d want from a woman:

Emotional maturity
Loyalty
Communication without cruelty
A sense of humor
Peaceful energy
Someone who can disagree without trying to humiliate or “win”

The kind of woman I’d date is honestly just someone authentic. Not perfect. Just warm, self-aware, caring, emotionally stable, and able to build together instead of constantly testing the relationship.

And yes, I do think a lot of men feel devalued right now. Not because women have gained rights or independence. That is a good thing!but because there’s a growing feeling that men are only appreciated conditionally. A lot of men feel emotionally disposable, and many just stop talking about it because vulnerability is often treated differently when it comes from men.

That said, I don’t think it’s “men vs women.” Most normal people want the same things: love, respect, safety, understanding, and someone who chooses them consistently.

Also, the fact that you asked these questions sincerely probably means more than you realize.

I've never met a woman who claimed most of her friends were men who turned out to be sufferable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:55 y.o. male lawyer here, make around $400k, have 2 DC's, one wife.
Generally, life is pretty good, as I get to do spend time on what I love: my DC's, family, work, exercising, and a few hours a week on my obscure hobby.
What would I like?
1) i wish everyone (my wife and DC's) appreciated how demanding it is to come up with the $20k per month that is required to keep the household running. I'm not saying that we don't live well, but that private school, that big house, all those school extra curricular activities aren't free, and I'm the one responsible for them. On top of that, I still have to attend recitals, teach them how to ride a bike, and be a therapist when a DC is having an emotional crisis.
2) I also LOVE it when my wife makes the effort to look hot. After everything that I do for (1), it's a nice reward that I wish I got more often.

Wow
How did you find a nice house and maintain it?
How did you do your private school search and application process?
How did you find the right ECs, teachers, coaches, and programs for your various children?
How do you transport your kids to/from private school or their ECs?
How do you stay on top of your growing children’s academic, social and EC needs? And parent and discipline them, when need be?
How do you support your spouse in her goals and endeavors? Beyond paying for them

Wow. Are you my DW?

Did I say that I didn't appreciate that she cooks, gets the house ready for the cleaning lady, helps the DC's with homework, puts them down to bed, etc?
NO.

I said that acknowledgment of my contribution would be appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:55 y.o. male lawyer here, make around $400k, have 2 DC's, one wife.
Generally, life is pretty good, as I get to do spend time on what I love: my DC's, family, work, exercising, and a few hours a week on my obscure hobby.
What would I like?
1) i wish everyone (my wife and DC's) appreciated how demanding it is to come up with the $20k per month that is required to keep the household running. I'm not saying that we don't live well, but that private school, that big house, all those school extra curricular activities aren't free, and I'm the one responsible for them. On top of that, I still have to attend recitals, teach them how to ride a bike, and be a therapist when a DC is having an emotional crisis.
2) I also LOVE it when my wife makes the effort to look hot. After everything that I do for (1), it's a nice reward that I wish I got more often.

Wow
How did you find a nice house and maintain it?
How did you do your private school search and application process?
How did you find the right ECs, teachers, coaches, and programs for your various children?
How do you transport your kids to/from private school or their ECs?
How do you stay on top of your growing children’s academic, social and EC needs? And parent and discipline them, when need be?
How do you support your spouse in her goals and endeavors? Beyond paying for them

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:55 y.o. male lawyer here, make around $400k, have 2 DC's, one wife.
Generally, life is pretty good, as I get to do spend time on what I love: my DC's, family, work, exercising, and a few hours a week on my obscure hobby.
What would I like?
1) i wish everyone (my wife and DC's) appreciated how demanding it is to come up with the $20k per month that is required to keep the household running. I'm not saying that we don't live well, but that private school, that big house, all those school extra curricular activities aren't free, and I'm the one responsible for them. On top of that, I still have to attend recitals, teach them how to ride a bike, and be a therapist when a DC is having an emotional crisis.
2) I also LOVE it when my wife makes the effort to look hot. After everything that I do for (1), it's a nice reward that I wish I got more often.

lol you want big thank yous for paying the bills and teaching your kids to ride a bike? That ain’t how it works. You just do those things and be the parent and when the kids are like 25 they realize and will be grateful.

+1
Totally giving bitter

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:55 y.o. male lawyer here, make around $400k, have 2 DC's, one wife.
Generally, life is pretty good, as I get to do spend time on what I love: my DC's, family, work, exercising, and a few hours a week on my obscure hobby.
What would I like?
1) i wish everyone (my wife and DC's) appreciated how demanding it is to come up with the $20k per month that is required to keep the household running. I'm not saying that we don't live well, but that private school, that big house, all those school extra curricular activities aren't free, and I'm the one responsible for them. On top of that, I still have to attend recitals, teach them how to ride a bike, and be a therapist when a DC is having an emotional crisis.
2) I also LOVE it when my wife makes the effort to look hot. After everything that I do for (1), it's a nice reward that I wish I got more often.

Sir DCUM is getting ready to tear you you to pieces

Plz explain why?

Anonymous wrote:What do you actually want?

Here is my attempt to answer:

Like in life, in relationships, all of

I want a fun companion. She should be smart, empathetic, interesting and attractive. She should be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.

How can women make things better for you?

She can be calming when things are stressful. She can remind me of good things about me when things are going badly. She can be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me..

What makes you feel respected or valued?

I feel respected and valued when a woman expresses and her conduct shows respect, and when she says and her conduct shows she values me. Talk is good but talk is cheap. She also has to be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.

What do you want from the woman you’re with?

I want stimulating conversation, honesty, intellect, and kindness. She also should be horny frequently and and enjoy having sex with me.

What kind of woman do you actually want to date?

I want to date a smart, kind, funny, attractive woman.
Age is unimportant if she's younger. If she's older, she better be incredible.She also should be horny frequently and enjoy having sex with me.


And do you think men are devalued right now?

I think women think that because men are bad at expressing their emotions, men must not have emotions. That's a common attitude and it's really dumb. Some women also don't realize how important men are in their lives and the lives of their children.

My favorite part about this is the subtext that tells us that PP is probably lazy and absolutely does not understand that women’s desire is 100% tied to their partner’s ability to ignite their ardor (no, I’m not talking chores) and attractiveness (no, you can’t have a big gut and expect this).