Lots of parents worked hard and hard working kids and some ride the wave of connections or athlete. Junior and senior years of HS are the hardest watching your kids go through application process, comparing themselves to others and trying to drown out the noise of parents who are patting themselves on the back who are at the same time ignorant of the struggles of others. Do your best to be there for your teen. Nothing you do can stop the actions of others but you can do everything in your power to prop up your kid through this stressful time.
Life after HS changes alot and these feelings will disappear. Adulting moves in and you will be surprised how much you move on. Some kids won't make it their freshman year (stress, anxiety, partying too much, financial). You never know what is behind the curtain.

OP, the feelings are real. My children are at schools that these people either wouldn't know or would look down upon. It stung for a few months and then when September came around, life moved on.

I came to realize those comparison feelings won't stop at college admittance (internships? jobs? married? traveling? grandkids? etc) so I had to learn to accept the feelings. ride through it and move on!

One of the people I work with turned down MIT due to finances. Ended up at Montana State--his instate option. He's doing extremely well.

This is a thinly veiled question suggesting that the only worthwhile end for your adult children is that they end up MAKING BANK !!!

There's nothing in here about their being happy, contented, in love, having a great support system, enjoying life.

I have a FIL like this. The first thing out of his mouth with any endeavor by their 20 grandchildren is ... how much will you earn doing that, though?

They're actually all up in arms now because full college tuition was paid for a niece/nephew who now works with the homeless, director of a shelter. Not even understanding that the only way that grandchild can work there is BECAUSE of being from a wealthy family.

They feel no pride in that whatsoever in that grandchild. It's a shame.

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, when I hear of a kid who’s going to an Ivy, my initial instinct is to feel sorry for them.

Me too . They’ve entered the rat race so young. It comes at a high price for the young kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a Big 4 consulting firm for many years. Thinking back, the Senior Managers/Partners when I was a Staff came from schools like UMD, George Mason, UVA (obviously on a different level, but not an ivy), Tech, FSU, UMBC, etc.) I knew one person who went to an ivy in the entire time I was there.

You are referring to Deloitte, PWC, Accenture and one other (can’t remember) when you mean Big 4?

Yes, it’s Deloitte, PWC, EY, KPMG.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need to stop talking about it but if you do talk about it with your kid, try to focus on folks you know that are successful without that degree. In our house, both me and DH are very successful in our careers and both went to inexpensive state colleges ranked very much lower than Ivys. Even when our kids started chasing prestige a little, we reminded them of ourselves and others who are successful from lots of paths.

And for a more recent example, my oldest graduated a private school that is definitely ranked between 50 and 100 and is doing great. He is on his second job of his career (after being recruited from his first job to an offer that is more money and better) and he is making money and doing what he set out to do. He also lives in NYC, his first choice location. There are a lot of paths and jobs and the Ivy kids are not the only ones to be successful.

Your example isn’t great…your kid still attended a college in the top 2% of all colleges in the country.

DP: My kid had acceptances at 5 schools ranked from 70-100. All with merit, the two privates with 35% of tuition/year. My kid had a 1240/3.5UW/No AP/basic ECs. And they had a pick of several schools in the 70-100 range. Had we needed money, they had two ranked in the 120-140 range with excellent merit (one with 75% of tuition at a private that is currently ~$70K total costs).

So yes, for any kid who seriously thinks they have the resume for a T25-30 school, there are so many schools they can get admitted to, with great merit in just the 50-100 range. I get my kid is above average (remember 1250 on SAT puts you at 85/86percentile nationally--that's damn good still).
And why yes, those schools are still in the top 2-5% of schools nationally. Hence why snobs and everyone needs to realize an excellent education can be had for good price, just look outside the tippy top schools.

Honestly, if one of my *unhooked* kids went to an Ivy, I'd be impressed with us too! In the worst frivolous sense of the word I'd try not to show it, though. My oldest attends a T50. My neighbor's oldest goes to community college. My oldest's friend doesn't even attend college, but is at a ballet company!

There are many paths, OP. I sympathize with feeling inadequate and resentful if everyone in your circle is preening themselves, but we all know Ivies are for bragging rights. They do not magically confer wealth, happiness or continued good health.

Anonymous wrote:The CEO of my company went to Marquette and has made at least $50M by the time he was 50. A bunch of super famous CEOs dropped out of college.

Agreed!! Marquette is a great school, with a 80%+ acceptance rate and 50% SAT of 1250 (86th% for SAT scores) and 3.6UW gpa is 50th%. Plenty of smart kids, plenty of kids you'd also except with those stats (I can say that, as I have a MU grad who was 50th percentile basically and loved their time at MU) our family knows two CEOs from MU and they are both amazing people who would do anything to help an MU alumni.
What does happen at MU is kids get a great education and develop into a good human being and get help to be launched into the real world (job or graduate school). Their placement for both is high.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me your adult child’s success story if they didn’t go to Ivy or Ivy+ college. In need of perspective from more experienced parents here. I am mom of HS junior and DC’s friends (from school, family , sports etc) who are seniors are all heading to Ivy and Ivy+ colleges. The obsession with prestige is real in this area. All these kids and their parents are so impressed with themselves. My DC is worried they won’t get into this type of school and they will be ‘the loser’ of the bunch despite my efforts to tell them that isn’t how it works. But it is getting to me too and I am becoming more anxious than I want to be. These parents constantly make comments when I mention schools my child hopes to get into with ‘oh that was my DC’s safety school - no one goes there unless they have to’. Sigh.

Not going to lie about advantages of attending top colleges but that being said, if you don't get in or can't afford the cost, you can also use advantages of being big fish in a small pool and then go for grad or professional degree from top colleges or top programs at average colleges. Just do well in academics, find good internships, avail research opportunities and enjoy extracurriculars to make the most of whichever school you go to. Life is a marathon not a sprint.

The "advantages" of attending a T25 university are minimal, especially to someone who isn't FGLI. FGLI kids are the ones who benefit the most from it, and even then that only happens if they can find a way to fit in socially and utilize the networking opportunities. Otherwise, the reason kids at T25 schools are successful is because they are smart, motivated, highly driven kids. They will excel at life wherever they attend college, not because of where they attend college

Anonymous wrote:Why are you talking about your kid and schools with anyone? Stop talking. It’s personal and private.

“We’re not sure yet. Just keeping options open. They all land in the right place. Do you think it will rain later?”

+1

Also, branch out and get yourself new friends! Why would you want to hang around with people who are so status focused and obnoxious?

Yes, plenty of people have very successful lives and careers and do not attend "elite" schools. In fact that is the majority of people. You get out of life what you put into it. that is what drives success.

Sorry Charlie.
Lots of HUGELY successful adults didn’t go to Ivys. I didn’t and I have done OK.
I know many people who did and some of them are crazy successful and some are not. So - maybe focus on the character building stuff instead. All else fails and they will then be a good person who works hard and tries new things etc. Those things are what matters. Truly.

Both my Asian-American kids are MCPS magnet school products. Both were high achievers.

DH and I have several advance degrees from our native country. HHI is pretty decent.

Both my kids went to MD public college on merit, so we did not pay tuition. Both of them had a loaded college fund. (Because DUH...). Both finished their undergrad with no student debt, Roth, and earnings from their internships.

Both got accepted in T5 schools for their STEM double majors. Both thought that it was not worth it to spend money on college tuition if they were getting a good education for less so both turned it down.

Both found their SOs in college. All in-demand STEM majors. Good jobs. Doing well. One married. One on way to get married.

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, when I hear of a kid who’s going to an Ivy, my initial instinct is to feel sorry for them.

+1
Same here.

Anonymous wrote:One of mine attended a school which ranked far below top 25 and eventually attended top grad school, amazing internships, job at a desired government agency then went into corporate world.

His friend attended our local state school then went to one of the top law school and then to a famous law firm.

Another one is at a top consulting firm after only an undergraduate degree from a low ranking lower school.

However, they were all motivated and bright students who only chose these schools for merit scholarships so they would've done well anywhere.

Most top school grads do well because top schools mostly admit top students, if they swapped students with community colleges, their outcomes wouldn't be as good.

+1

My DC went to a CTCL school which is often maligned on DCUM and graduated in 2018. DC has been highly successful professionally and is now working at a company doing work they love and making far more $ than I ever have - I'm guessing $300k or so? Their are finishing up a master's degree which their employer is paying for.