Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

This is what I would do: call up this mutual friend and ask if she is ok because you are concerned.

You sound like a stalker or, at a minimum, a person with poor boundaries/no respect for boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:Because the amount of times I've gotten an apology for abusive, needy and selfish behaviour on the part of a friend I can count on one hand, and all of those times the friend went back to her old ways after apologizing.

These people always want to have an "open conversation" with you when you distance yourself--to manipulate you back into the orbid. That's why you have to close the door.

Yes! They just can't or don't want to change. I am going through this now. I told her I needed space -she didn't give me space for long. I told her I am trying to change how I relate to people and how much of myself I give without getting what I need -she told me she isn't changing. I told her this friendship feels one sided -she became defensive and insulted me. I wrote her a letter explaining what I need from a friendship and that I have to limit my time with those who aren't reciprocal -she insulted me again. I distanced myself again -she reached out after a month and I responded neutrally and without encouraging further contact. I'm praying she leaves me alone because the final option is ignoring and not answering her texts, etc. I don't want to do that, but she doesn't seem to grasp that I don't have the bandwidth for her anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this to a long term friend. All she talked about was herself all the time.

yep and when I tried to talk about myself/my interests/my concerns, she changed the subject or made it about her.

I feel like I was this friend and I feel terrible about being so focused on myself. FWIW, I'm grateful for the patience and support my friend showed me for as long as she did and I totally understand the slow-fade/ghosting. I hope your self-centered friend appreciated you as well. I have a lot more self-awareness now but am hesitant to reach back out to my old friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

This is what I would do: call up this mutual friend and ask if she is ok because you are concerned.

Omg don’t be stalker ish. Leave the person alone! Move on.

Anonymous wrote:Because the amount of times I've gotten an apology for abusive, needy and selfish behaviour on the part of a friend I can count on one hand, and all of those times the friend went back to her old ways after apologizing.

These people always want to have an "open conversation" with you when you distance yourself--to manipulate you back into the orbid. That's why you have to close the door.

Exactly.

Because the amount of times I've gotten an apology for abusive, needy and selfish behaviour on the part of a friend I can count on one hand, and all of those times the friend went back to her old ways after apologizing.

These people always want to have an "open conversation" with you when you distance yourself--to manipulate you back into the orbid. That's why you have to close the door.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

This is what I would do: call up this mutual friend and ask if she is ok because you are concerned.

OP, I would think long and hard about this. Is she your "safe space" to talk about your issues. Do you ask for her help with any regularity? Then this could be about her finally feeling used.

However, if she is the one who is always asking for help, or you are her safe space to discuss her issues, then maybe she has moved beyond her problems and no longer wants to talk about them. Or she has moved beyond the time in life that you were a part of and she feels she no longer has anything to talk to you about. If that's the case, then she was just a situational friend.

Basically, if you think deeply about it, you will probably come up with the answer on your own.

Anonymous wrote:There could have been a close death, she could have med issues, maybe she’s very hectic at work, her kids might have incredible issues, etc.

But she had time to go to lunch with a different mutual friend.

Anonymous wrote:Right now I'm ghosting friends who are taking more than they are giving.

I did this with a friend. I am not the type to say, you're too needy, every discussion is about you, everyone in your opinion wrongs you. After several years of it, I just got so I was over it. She reached out as normal and I didn't reply. Then she had a friend reach out to me, and I said that I was swamped and had a lot going on.

I did feel badly about it. But I realized I was her outlet, her place to vent. The last time we spoke I carefully disagreed with her that she should be upset by something someone had done and she said: How could you say that?! And then I got a laundry list of all the reasons I was wrong. Frankly, that she would reach out and then have a friend reach out was a perfect example of how she really didn't realize how trying she was.

Who knows why someone ghosts another. But if you already know the person is still fine and seeing other friends then I would let it alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how were this a man texting a woman, the responses would all be take a hint, get it through your thick skull she’s not interested, stop being pushy and creepy, etc.

The same applies here. Take a freaking hint. For whatever reason - and frankly, the reason is none of your business - she does not value your friendship anymore.

Sorry but you have to just move on. Friendships fade all the time. The only people in life you can truly rely on are family and your kids.

This is a very very odd view of the world

+1 The reason are none of her business, so she shouldn’t have any feelings about it? Another oddly defensive take.

If someone doesn’t want to date you anymore, are you obligated to send them detailed reasons why, too? That’s not how life works. Relationships and friendships simply fade. Nobody owes you an explanation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how were this a man texting a woman, the responses would all be take a hint, get it through your thick skull she’s not interested, stop being pushy and creepy, etc.

The same applies here. Take a freaking hint. For whatever reason - and frankly, the reason is none of your business - she does not value your friendship anymore.

Sorry but you have to just move on. Friendships fade all the time. The only people in life you can truly rely on are family and your kids.

This is a very very odd view of the world

+1 The reason are none of her business, so she shouldn’t have any feelings about it? Another oddly defensive take.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how were this a man texting a woman, the responses would all be take a hint, get it through your thick skull she’s not interested, stop being pushy and creepy, etc.

The same applies here. Take a freaking hint. For whatever reason - and frankly, the reason is none of your business - she does not value your friendship anymore.

Sorry but you have to just move on. Friendships fade all the time. The only people in life you can truly rely on are family and your kids.

This is a very very odd view of the world

dp. It is a fair view of the situation, given the provided information. Leave the person alone.

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting how were this a man texting a woman, the responses would all be take a hint, get it through your thick skull she’s not interested, stop being pushy and creepy, etc.

The same applies here. Take a freaking hint. For whatever reason - and frankly, the reason is none of your business - she does not value your friendship anymore.

Sorry but you have to just move on. Friendships fade all the time. The only people in life you can truly rely on are family and your kids.

This is a very very odd view of the world

It’s interesting how were this a man texting a woman, the responses would all be take a hint, get it through your thick skull she’s not interested, stop being pushy and creepy, etc.

The same applies here. Take a freaking hint. For whatever reason - and frankly, the reason is none of your business - she does not value your friendship anymore.

Sorry but you have to just move on. Friendships fade all the time. The only people in life you can truly rely on are family and your kids.