The reality is, there aren't enough spots at T1 schools for everyone going into high schools. Why are people shocked when their kids don't get into a T1 school? And justifying their belief that they should because they've paid XXX amount of dollars...ummmm almost everyone who is around paid the same amount, and has the same belief so, why do you think your money is worth more or your child is somehow the one who should get into T1? Every parent at say St. B's wants their kid to go T1, and thought that their son getting into St. B's would ensure their top high school choice but that's impossible when people insist that only going to a list of about 5 schools will mean success. Kids will have to go to "lesser" schools, and you are not getting scammed, or cheated, if that's your kid. I get being disappointed because what you had envisioned will not pan out, but that probably wouldn't have happened at Summit High School in NJ either because you have to start tracking in the top 10% of the class in literally middle school to even be allowed to take honors and APs. Or at Bronx Science because you needed to come in having already taken Geometry to make it into the top tier of students who will even be considered for the precious spots for APs. Your kid isn't going to fail at life because they "only" got into Fieldston or Grace or Dwight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op - his school doesnt do grades so it's hard for me to track in the same way.

His non prepped ISEE scores were all over the place also from one test to the next so also hard to tell. I got a couple tutors for him after discussing with him bc we agreed (he and I) that it would be better to know what he can achieve with best effort while he is still in 7th and track accordingly, rather than guess. He's had math tutoring this year overall

I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

Is this an uptown, very small k-8 co-ed? I’m only aware of one k-8 that doesn’t give grades which is why I ask. Because if it’s that school, I’d hire a consultant if it’s in budget. A friend went through the high school process and the results were shocking.

Shocking how so?

Bad shock, not happy shock.

If we’re talking about the same school. Look at their exmission page. The verbiage is intentionally ambiguous “the following is a current list of high schools to which our graduates have been accepted.” This year? Ever? Regardless the list for 60k/ year— it’s not great.

All the boys k-8s do this. I assume the median outcome is actually pretty bad, like a bad 2T

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op - his school doesnt do grades so it's hard for me to track in the same way.

His non prepped ISEE scores were all over the place also from one test to the next so also hard to tell. I got a couple tutors for him after discussing with him bc we agreed (he and I) that it would be better to know what he can achieve with best effort while he is still in 7th and track accordingly, rather than guess. He's had math tutoring this year overall

I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

Is this an uptown, very small k-8 co-ed? I’m only aware of one k-8 that doesn’t give grades which is why I ask. Because if it’s that school, I’d hire a consultant if it’s in budget. A friend went through the high school process and the results were shocking.

Shocking how so?

Bad shock, not happy shock.

If we’re talking about the same school. Look at their exmission page. The verbiage is intentionally ambiguous “the following is a current list of high schools to which our graduates have been accepted.” This year? Ever? Regardless the list for 60k/ year— it’s not great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

My colleague and friends all have been paying for enrichment classes, academic classes, tutors, etc... since early childhood. If you listen to Zarna Garg podcast/book, she talks about how she couldn't relate to HM parents sending their child to summer camps. She preferred to hire a tutor over the summer and homeschool her children. NYC is very competitive if you are aiming for TT schools. It becomes a family endeavors built around being admitted and thriving at TT schools. It is not for everyone. When my child reaches 7 grade, they will have to enjoy the grind otherwise I feel it best they have a sweet experience during high school.

op - i mean the whole value prop of paying alllll these years for me was we trusted them to track us towards the 'good' exmissions they promised. And they do have good exmissions overall. But I kept asking them year after year how the academics were and did we need more tutoring and they always said fine. I feel like if they'd said - look this kid is heading for dwight I would have either pulled him out or got him tutoring or both. Who wants to pay all their money to a school to get their kid into another expensive school they could have got the kid into after sending them to free school (and which is arguably not much better than free school.)

You are absolving yourself of any responsibility. If you have such high aspirations you are normally the parent that volunteer at the school, knows all their child classmates and faculty, observes where their child stand relative to their peers, knows the curriculum, etc...

On the positive it best to find out now compared to high school, but you need to have an honest assessment on your child capability and desires. Is he a competitive person in nature and does he aspire to grind academics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

My colleague and friends all have been paying for enrichment classes, academic classes, tutors, etc... since early childhood. If you listen to Zarna Garg podcast/book, she talks about how she couldn't relate to HM parents sending their child to summer camps. She preferred to hire a tutor over the summer and homeschool her children. NYC is very competitive if you are aiming for TT schools. It becomes a family endeavors built around being admitted and thriving at TT schools. It is not for everyone. When my child reaches 7 grade, they will have to enjoy the grind otherwise I feel it best they have a sweet experience during high school.

op - i mean the whole value prop of paying alllll these years for me was we trusted them to track us towards the 'good' exmissions they promised. And they do have good exmissions overall. But I kept asking them year after year how the academics were and did we need more tutoring and they always said fine. I feel like if they'd said - look this kid is heading for dwight I would have either pulled him out or got him tutoring or both. Who wants to pay all their money to a school to get their kid into another expensive school they could have got the kid into after sending them to free school (and which is arguably not much better than free school.)

They always always say you are fine to a middle of the pack student. If everyone pulls their B students out, how could they continue taking tuitions from you. It's just impossible for every kid to be a straight A student.

This is similar to college application process. Until junior/senior year, in every parent-teacher meeting, they will say you are fine! And you should apply to schools you love, and ED to your dream school!
Senior first semester comes, they will start steering kids. Now they will ask you to do a sanity check on your college list. They will tell you it's impossible to support so many kids ED to a same school. What happens to dream school?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

My colleague and friends all have been paying for enrichment classes, academic classes, tutors, etc... since early childhood. If you listen to Zarna Garg podcast/book, she talks about how she couldn't relate to HM parents sending their child to summer camps. She preferred to hire a tutor over the summer and homeschool her children. NYC is very competitive if you are aiming for TT schools. It becomes a family endeavors built around being admitted and thriving at TT schools. It is not for everyone. When my child reaches 7 grade, they will have to enjoy the grind otherwise I feel it best they have a sweet experience during high school.

op - i mean the whole value prop of paying alllll these years for me was we trusted them to track us towards the 'good' exmissions they promised. And they do have good exmissions overall. But I kept asking them year after year how the academics were and did we need more tutoring and they always said fine. I feel like if they'd said - look this kid is heading for dwight I would have either pulled him out or got him tutoring or both. Who wants to pay all their money to a school to get their kid into another expensive school they could have got the kid into after sending them to free school (and which is arguably not much better than free school.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op - his school doesnt do grades so it's hard for me to track in the same way.

His non prepped ISEE scores were all over the place also from one test to the next so also hard to tell. I got a couple tutors for him after discussing with him bc we agreed (he and I) that it would be better to know what he can achieve with best effort while he is still in 7th and track accordingly, rather than guess. He's had math tutoring this year overall

I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

Is this an uptown, very small k-8 co-ed? I’m only aware of one k-8 that doesn’t give grades which is why I ask. Because if it’s that school, I’d hire a consultant if it’s in budget. A friend went through the high school process and the results were shocking.

Shocking how so?

Anonymous wrote:
I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

My colleague and friends all have been paying for enrichment classes, academic classes, tutors, etc... since early childhood. If you listen to Zarna Garg podcast/book, she talks about how she couldn't relate to HM parents sending their child to summer camps. She preferred to hire a tutor over the summer and homeschool her children. NYC is very competitive if you are aiming for TT schools. It becomes a family endeavors built around being admitted and thriving at TT schools. It is not for everyone. When my child reaches 7 grade, they will have to enjoy the grind otherwise I feel it best they have a sweet experience during high school.

Anonymous wrote:op - his school doesnt do grades so it's hard for me to track in the same way.

His non prepped ISEE scores were all over the place also from one test to the next so also hard to tell. I got a couple tutors for him after discussing with him bc we agreed (he and I) that it would be better to know what he can achieve with best effort while he is still in 7th and track accordingly, rather than guess. He's had math tutoring this year overall

I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

Is this an uptown, very small k-8 co-ed? I’m only aware of one k-8 that doesn’t give grades which is why I ask. Because if it’s that school, I’d hire a consultant if it’s in budget. A friend went through the high school process and the results were shocking.

op - his school doesnt do grades so it's hard for me to track in the same way.

His non prepped ISEE scores were all over the place also from one test to the next so also hard to tell. I got a couple tutors for him after discussing with him bc we agreed (he and I) that it would be better to know what he can achieve with best effort while he is still in 7th and track accordingly, rather than guess. He's had math tutoring this year overall

I feel dumb in retrospect for not proactively getting him more support regardless of the school saying it wasn't necessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid a. had adhd (that didn't manifest in academics - was more socially oriented when kid was 8,9 in impulse control and was now under control) and b. was at a K-8 that never flagged any academic issues ever (even when asked about tutoring), and then the school raised Dwight as an option for high school, how would you feel? To me it's the lowest hanging fruit private that I would have expected to be floated as an option if we'd all for years been working on academic issues. But maybe I'm understanding it wrong?

I really don’t think they’ll flag a B student for academic issues. They just don’t do that anymore nowadays. Would they recommend tutoring for a B student? No, they view a B student as academically competent.

But they also wouldn’t recommend TT or high T2 schools because they would not be a match with a B student. I think that’s where the confusion comes from.

This! My friend and I were just talking about this. She pulled her child out of a K-8 off cycle (going into 7th) because she was starting to see how it was going to shake out with lots of kids ahead of hers at an all boys TT when her son was not doing badly enough to be counseled out, but also not towards the top of the class. She expressed frustration that they kept telling her he was "doing fine" and that he didn't need a tutor, when she of course found out later almost everyone had a tutor so that they could get As. I've heard this scenario quite a few times over the last year or so.

I have heard the teachers are eligible to provide private tutoring for students in their class. I am not sure how everyone handles the conflict of interest. There is a real possibility we go public for high school if it turns out to be more merit base compared to private.

Our school does not allow teachers who teach the students tutor them. It's a hard no due to conflict of interest.

Public school...is even more complicated than private in many ways. You have SHS high schools, which is one day for one test, and only the test scores matter for the SHS high schools. Bad day? You're out of luck. Then you have tiers for general schools, whereby the DOE assigns tiers based on 7th grade grades ONLY, and normally the tier 1 cut-off is about a GPA of 94.5% in the four core subjects of math, science, ELA and social studies. Doesn't matter what school you go to, how hard it is, every school's grades count the same. There is no weighing for honors, and that tier will pretty much decide if you get into one of the elite Manhattan schools. Then you layer onto that the lottery, where you are at the mercy of fate. Some schools you can then also take an additional test/essay that factors into your overall score (think Bard, Beacon, any of the Consortium schools). It's incredibly stressful and no less complicated than privates. My son was Tier 1, but had a 70% lottery number and didn't want to take anymore tests or assessments (plus the Specialized high schools are notoriously bad for LD supports) and we got placed at Manhattan Village Academy, which is a lovely, excellent public school, but my son was like, this is it? No gym, no guarantee of multiple years of a language, not many arts options...

NYC high school admissions is not for the faint of heart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid a. had adhd (that didn't manifest in academics - was more socially oriented when kid was 8,9 in impulse control and was now under control) and b. was at a K-8 that never flagged any academic issues ever (even when asked about tutoring), and then the school raised Dwight as an option for high school, how would you feel? To me it's the lowest hanging fruit private that I would have expected to be floated as an option if we'd all for years been working on academic issues. But maybe I'm understanding it wrong?

I really don’t think they’ll flag a B student for academic issues. They just don’t do that anymore nowadays. Would they recommend tutoring for a B student? No, they view a B student as academically competent.

But they also wouldn’t recommend TT or high T2 schools because they would not be a match with a B student. I think that’s where the confusion comes from.

This! My friend and I were just talking about this. She pulled her child out of a K-8 off cycle (going into 7th) because she was starting to see how it was going to shake out with lots of kids ahead of hers at an all boys TT when her son was not doing badly enough to be counseled out, but also not towards the top of the class. She expressed frustration that they kept telling her he was "doing fine" and that he didn't need a tutor, when she of course found out later almost everyone had a tutor so that they could get As. I've heard this scenario quite a few times over the last year or so.

I have heard the teachers are eligible to provide private tutoring for students in their class. I am not sure how everyone handles the conflict of interest. There is a real possibility we go public for high school if it turns out to be more merit base compared to private.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid a. had adhd (that didn't manifest in academics - was more socially oriented when kid was 8,9 in impulse control and was now under control) and b. was at a K-8 that never flagged any academic issues ever (even when asked about tutoring), and then the school raised Dwight as an option for high school, how would you feel? To me it's the lowest hanging fruit private that I would have expected to be floated as an option if we'd all for years been working on academic issues. But maybe I'm understanding it wrong?

I really don’t think they’ll flag a B student for academic issues. They just don’t do that anymore nowadays. Would they recommend tutoring for a B student? No, they view a B student as academically competent.

But they also wouldn’t recommend TT or high T2 schools because they would not be a match with a B student. I think that’s where the confusion comes from.

This! My friend and I were just talking about this. She pulled her child out of a K-8 off cycle (going into 7th) because she was starting to see how it was going to shake out with lots of kids ahead of hers at an all boys TT when her son was not doing badly enough to be counseled out, but also not towards the top of the class. She expressed frustration that they kept telling her he was "doing fine" and that he didn't need a tutor, when she of course found out later almost everyone had a tutor so that they could get As. I've heard this scenario quite a few times over the last year or so.

Anonymous wrote:If your kid a. had adhd (that didn't manifest in academics - was more socially oriented when kid was 8,9 in impulse control and was now under control) and b. was at a K-8 that never flagged any academic issues ever (even when asked about tutoring), and then the school raised Dwight as an option for high school, how would you feel? To me it's the lowest hanging fruit private that I would have expected to be floated as an option if we'd all for years been working on academic issues. But maybe I'm understanding it wrong?

I really don’t think they’ll flag a B student for academic issues. They just don’t do that anymore nowadays. Would they recommend tutoring for a B student? No, they view a B student as academically competent.

But they also wouldn’t recommend TT or high T2 schools because they would not be a match with a B student. I think that’s where the confusion comes from.

The observation about boys and admissions is interesting. In my kid's class it seems like the girls are going to more prestigious schools even though some of them are not as strong academically. Some of this may be that the girls have more options and some are going to ss schools which may have some prestige but are not impossible to get into if you're full pay. Some of the boys seem to have chosen less prestigious options even when they got into higher ranked schools. Boy parents may be prioritizing commute and workload.