I feel sorry for OP's beau. I can't imagine being shackled to someone so shallow she obsesses over the exact specifications of a ring instead of figuring out how she can better contribute to her family. Just an astonishing admission.

I not only chose it, I paid for it (he didn’t have a Costco membership).

It’s fine to do it that way. I didn’t want an engagement ring. My husband really wanted me to have one. We went together to the store and he headed over to Jamba Juice while I picked something out. I picked something that was very low cost for our demographic.

He spent like the first year looking at other women’s rings and wondering why I didn’t get something fancier (he did the same thing with strollers when we had our first kid). It made me laugh.

I also didn’t particularly need a proposal with a capital P. I knew we were getting married. We were making plans. He wanted to get down on one knee so he did. I was like “yes” and went back to doing what I was doing.

Different strokes.

Anonymous wrote:I want to choose my own ring. Am I totally unromantic if I choose it myself and just leave the proposal part up to my partner? He stray gave me a beautiful promise ring which I wear on my right hand. But I admit I’m shallow and still want a traditional diamond solitaire (will buy lab).

Almost everyone does this. You're going to wear it every day for many years. If husband is going to pick the ring then (a) why do you even want one, and (b) it indicates you don't want to choose anything in your married life (which is fine if you want that).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not judge me …:

What is a promise ring?

A junior engagement ring.

OP, why don't you propose to him and buy your own ring? Why the theater of he proposes and buys you the ring you've picked out?

Thank you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I know lots of couples who went ring shopping together. My DH and I did and I picked out the ring/setting together. He followed up with the jeweler, picked out the stone, bought it and then planned the proposal.

OP, no I mean I pick it out on my own. I don’t want to shop together (that sounds awful by the way - my partner is not materialistic and hates shopping, and I am sloooow and would want to go everywhere and look online and read reviews, etc).

What’s to stop you from doing all this research on your own, and then taking him to one or two places or looking at one or two websites together?

DP

He "hates shopping". He would "hate" being brought to one or two places or looking at one or two websites.

We talked about diamond cuts and size. He proposed with a stone on a temporary band then we later went together to shop settings. Also designed wedding band to match and he picked out his wedding band at same time. One stop shopping.

Anonymous wrote:My husband proposed without the ring. We were being gifted jewelry to have remade into wedding jewelry, and it was COVID, so we got engaged with the original jewelry (which was not a ring but had small heirloom diamonds in it), and then found a jeweler we liked and had custom rings made.

Please don’t say gifted.

A huge % of people I know did this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not judge me …:

What is a promise ring?

A junior engagement ring.

OP, why don't you propose to him and buy your own ring? Why the theater of he proposes and buys you the ring you've picked out?

This. So ridiculous. If I was this guy I'd run. And I'm a woman

DH and I picked it out together and then several months later he proposed.

I never had an engagement ring. We went on a honeymoon instead.
I have 3 stacked channel set ruby, diamond, diamond and sapphire anniversary rings that I wear 24x7.
We have been married 45 years.
People in their 20s with graduate degrees apparently have a lot more discretionary income than we did.

Well, unless you don't have good jewelry, a ring isn't that important. What's important is two people making a sincere commitment. If focus is on the ring, better line up a shark lawyer in advance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I know lots of couples who went ring shopping together. My DH and I did and I picked out the ring/setting together. He followed up with the jeweler, picked out the stone, bought it and then planned the proposal.

OP, no I mean I pick it out on my own. I don’t want to shop together (that sounds awful by the way - my partner is not materialistic and hates shopping, and I am sloooow and would want to go everywhere and look online and read reviews, etc).

What’s to stop you from doing all this research on your own, and then taking him to one or two places or looking at one or two websites together?

My husband proposed without the ring. We were being gifted jewelry to have remade into wedding jewelry, and it was COVID, so we got engaged with the original jewelry (which was not a ring but had small heirloom diamonds in it), and then found a jeweler we liked and had custom rings made.