Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to the PP who grew up in neglect - sorry your Mom didn't go trick or treating with you, let alone didn't move you into the dorms. No joke, it's just irresponsible. My DS stopped trick or treating when he was 12, he now stays home and gives out candy, but I always went with him and his friends. And I go with him on college tours. I can't imagine NOT moving him into the dorms.

I do, however, want to stress the need for independence among today's teenagers, and just let it ago. Let them make their own plans, don't drive them everywhere. It teaches responsibility. So they will take a bus if they don't own a car. Or an uber. Or ride a bike. But to call another parent and scold them for "not picking up your child", especially if that parent is ill, is rude, unnecessary, and ridiculous. If she expected me to apologize and go "yes, Ma'am, I will do better", well, she was wrong.

I have a 17 year old. A lot of this is contextually dependent, especially in the DC area. When we lived in DC, it was fine for DC to walk and take public transit. Now we live in Potomac and public transit is mostly a non-starter except for some pretty basic bus routes, and driving is more of a minefield because kids aren't driving from Tenleytown to a garage in Shaw in city traffic (alone, with friends, or in Ubers), instead they're driving on 270 or the ICC and that's a totally different ballgame. Where do you live and do your kids' friends live in the same neighborhood (meaning is this a public or private school situation)?

It sounds like your heated phone call was a bunch of things rolled into one. It's rude to criticize another parent, but also kind of crazy to hang up on someone. Is it possible their child isn't allowed to Uber and yours is and that's where the conflict is? Is their child a girl?

While I do know lots of overprotective parents (17 and still not allowed to get a permit) I also know ones who tout independence but have virtually no boundaries and it's in the name of abdication of responsibility. There's gray zones, too.

Your kid is 17 and can’t even get a permit? What’s wrong with your kid?

What’s wrong with YOU that makes you unable to read?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to the PP who grew up in neglect - sorry your Mom didn't go trick or treating with you, let alone didn't move you into the dorms. No joke, it's just irresponsible. My DS stopped trick or treating when he was 12, he now stays home and gives out candy, but I always went with him and his friends. And I go with him on college tours. I can't imagine NOT moving him into the dorms.

I do, however, want to stress the need for independence among today's teenagers, and just let it ago. Let them make their own plans, don't drive them everywhere. It teaches responsibility. So they will take a bus if they don't own a car. Or an uber. Or ride a bike. But to call another parent and scold them for "not picking up your child", especially if that parent is ill, is rude, unnecessary, and ridiculous. If she expected me to apologize and go "yes, Ma'am, I will do better", well, she was wrong.

I have a 17 year old. A lot of this is contextually dependent, especially in the DC area. When we lived in DC, it was fine for DC to walk and take public transit. Now we live in Potomac and public transit is mostly a non-starter except for some pretty basic bus routes, and driving is more of a minefield because kids aren't driving from Tenleytown to a garage in Shaw in city traffic (alone, with friends, or in Ubers), instead they're driving on 270 or the ICC and that's a totally different ballgame. Where do you live and do your kids' friends live in the same neighborhood (meaning is this a public or private school situation)?

It sounds like your heated phone call was a bunch of things rolled into one. It's rude to criticize another parent, but also kind of crazy to hang up on someone. Is it possible their child isn't allowed to Uber and yours is and that's where the conflict is? Is their child a girl?

While I do know lots of overprotective parents (17 and still not allowed to get a permit) I also know ones who tout independence but have virtually no boundaries and it's in the name of abdication of responsibility. There's gray zones, too.

Your kid is 17 and can’t even get a permit? What’s wrong with your kid?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where on earth do you live? My middle schooler and his classmates take public transportation to and from school and around the city. I wish they’d take it to museums, but of course they’re not doing that.

OP: Falls Church. He takes metro, buses, Ubers. Our school is within a walking distance, so no need for a car. Once he moves to college, sure, I can get him one.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to the PP who grew up in neglect - sorry your Mom didn't go trick or treating with you, let alone didn't move you into the dorms. No joke, it's just irresponsible. My DS stopped trick or treating when he was 12, he now stays home and gives out candy, but I always went with him and his friends. And I go with him on college tours. I can't imagine NOT moving him into the dorms.

I do, however, want to stress the need for independence among today's teenagers, and just let it ago. Let them make their own plans, don't drive them everywhere. It teaches responsibility. So they will take a bus if they don't own a car. Or an uber. Or ride a bike. But to call another parent and scold them for "not picking up your child", especially if that parent is ill, is rude, unnecessary, and ridiculous. If she expected me to apologize and go "yes, Ma'am, I will do better", well, she was wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to the PP who grew up in neglect - sorry your Mom didn't go trick or treating with you, let alone didn't move you into the dorms. No joke, it's just irresponsible. My DS stopped trick or treating when he was 12, he now stays home and gives out candy, but I always went with him and his friends. And I go with him on college tours. I can't imagine NOT moving him into the dorms.

I do, however, want to stress the need for independence among today's teenagers, and just let it ago. Let them make their own plans, don't drive them everywhere. It teaches responsibility. So they will take a bus if they don't own a car. Or an uber. Or ride a bike. But to call another parent and scold them for "not picking up your child", especially if that parent is ill, is rude, unnecessary, and ridiculous. If she expected me to apologize and go "yes, Ma'am, I will do better", well, she was wrong.

I have a 17 year old. A lot of this is contextually dependent, especially in the DC area. When we lived in DC, it was fine for DC to walk and take public transit. Now we live in Potomac and public transit is mostly a non-starter except for some pretty basic bus routes, and driving is more of a minefield because kids aren't driving from Tenleytown to a garage in Shaw in city traffic (alone, with friends, or in Ubers), instead they're driving on 270 or the ICC and that's a totally different ballgame. Where do you live and do your kids' friends live in the same neighborhood (meaning is this a public or private school situation)?

It sounds like your heated phone call was a bunch of things rolled into one. It's rude to criticize another parent, but also kind of crazy to hang up on someone. Is it possible their child isn't allowed to Uber and yours is and that's where the conflict is? Is their child a girl?

While I do know lots of overprotective parents (17 and still not allowed to get a permit) I also know ones who tout independence but have virtually no boundaries and it's in the name of abdication of responsibility. There's gray zones, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is quite a social butterfly, while I am not. While he was little, sure, I organized playdates, joined the PTA, carpooled, obviously drove him everywhere. But I really hoped once he'd got older, I wouldn't have to deal with other parents, their drama, rigidity, rules, so I raised a pretty independent boy. He is not afraid to use public transportation, he flies across the country by himself to see his grandparents. When other parents hear about this, they openly judge me, they take pride that their children don't know how to buy a bus ticket, and they drive them everywhere. They are 16-17 yo! They go everywhere with them, it's insane. Most recently I had a Mom scold me because my DS took an uber from a friend's party (he is getting a car this summer). Apparently, I should've come to pick him up, but I was home sick with a stomach bug. I know, I should've kept my cool, but I told her it was none of her business. She was aghast and I hung up on her. She then proceeded to text other parents, word got around, and I got a few messages about "safety".

How flexible are you with your teens? When do you expect to let it go?

Honestly, its less about independence than you are a hands off parent. Good brag. Uber occasionally is fine if you are sick but it sounds like you have your kids parent themselves. I wouldn't allow most of what you do and nothing wrong with that.

Your son sounds like he gets slapped around a lot. Do you not let your 17 year old son take public transportation, or an Uber?

OP, you must not live in DC, because you won’t find any teenagers restricted from doing the above for families that live in the city.

My kid doesn't have a lot of free time between school and activities. At 17, I expect them to drive. We drive. No, I'm not paying for uber except an emergency. They cannot be late for some things.

Anonymous wrote:Where on earth do you live? My middle schooler and his classmates take public transportation to and from school and around the city. I wish they’d take it to museums, but of course they’re not doing that.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to the PP who grew up in neglect - sorry your Mom didn't go trick or treating with you, let alone didn't move you into the dorms. No joke, it's just irresponsible. My DS stopped trick or treating when he was 12, he now stays home and gives out candy, but I always went with him and his friends. And I go with him on college tours. I can't imagine NOT moving him into the dorms.

I do, however, want to stress the need for independence among today's teenagers, and just let it ago. Let them make their own plans, don't drive them everywhere. It teaches responsibility. So they will take a bus if they don't own a car. Or an uber. Or ride a bike. But to call another parent and scold them for "not picking up your child", especially if that parent is ill, is rude, unnecessary, and ridiculous. If she expected me to apologize and go "yes, Ma'am, I will do better", well, she was wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're the rigid one, as in, you weird rules about what you should do, and you have very poor social skills, with the mental rigidity commonly associated with Asperger's or high-functioning autism.

The only reason you're being ostracized is because you were horrifically rude to the other parent. You've only got yourself to blame. This isn't about parenting difference at all.

How rude. I’ve been seeing a pattern of diagnosis OPs as high functioning autistic lately. It’s rude and uncalled for.

But here it's warranted. OP should not have attacked the other parent, and given her post, she avoids social interactions (that she calls drama) and does her own thing. She's proud of going against the grain of whatever parenting style is happening in her area (clearly not DC), but despite believing others should just accept her rudeness, she's hypersensitive when others are rude to her.

From my perspective, the red flags are all there. I know a lot of autistic adults. They all tend to behave that way, because they lack social awareness and are quite prickly.

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe you.

You love stirring up drama, so you're contradicting yourself.

Anonymous wrote:You're the rigid one, as in, you weird rules about what you should do, and you have very poor social skills, with the mental rigidity commonly associated with Asperger's or high-functioning autism.

The only reason you're being ostracized is because you were horrifically rude to the other parent. You've only got yourself to blame. This isn't about parenting difference at all.

Anonymous wrote:This is not real.