Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

What if the stepparents have been in the kid's life since they were toddlers and essentially helped raise them. What if stepparents are footing the college expenses?

Because you can't buy a place in my life. Nor can you force me to be cared for by step-parents when I was too little to do anything about it and then hold it over my head for the rest of my life. You chose stepchildren, but we all know was the price of admission to marry my father and you would rather he had been childless. I didn't choose anything. So I don't owe you anything. Especially not if it means excluding my actual mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

What if the stepparents have been in the kid's life since they were toddlers and essentially helped raise them. What if stepparents are footing the college expenses?

It's not about you!

It's not pay-to-play. You can't outbid the other parent at auction for this role, that's not how it works. And you can't exclude a bio parent because they have less money FFS, it's not a country club! If there aren't enough seats, kid picks or defer to bio parents. The kid didn't ask for divorce and stepfamilies and all the complexity and tedium that it brings. If the kid wants to have both their bio parents there and that means no tix for stepparents, so be it. Sometimes kids are trying to build a relationship with their bio parent by including them, so the kid may feel it's important to include them *even though* they weren't around.

I'm not clear what "essentially helped" means. You helped or you didn't.

Whoa. Simmer down there. It's a simple observation.

Did you ever consider that not ALL people hate their stepparents? Did it occur to you that many have good, positive relationships? I don't think you because you seem trip-wired to denigrate ALL stepparents.

BTW, I am an adult stepchild FWIW

I am also an adult stepchild, and I am so happy that my stepmother never thought her greater wealth entitled her to exclude my mother from important events in my life. I said nothing to denigrate all step-parents. I just think it's massively selfish, tacky, and poor character to make this about who paid for what.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

What if the stepparents have been in the kid's life since they were toddlers and essentially helped raise them. What if stepparents are footing the college expenses?

It's not about you!

It's not pay-to-play. You can't outbid the other parent at auction for this role, that's not how it works. And you can't exclude a bio parent because they have less money FFS, it's not a country club! If there aren't enough seats, kid picks or defer to bio parents. The kid didn't ask for divorce and stepfamilies and all the complexity and tedium that it brings. If the kid wants to have both their bio parents there and that means no tix for stepparents, so be it. Sometimes kids are trying to build a relationship with their bio parent by including them, so the kid may feel it's important to include them *even though* they weren't around.

I'm not clear what "essentially helped" means. You helped or you didn't.

Whoa. Simmer down there. It's a simple observation.

Did you ever consider that not ALL people hate their stepparents? Did it occur to you that many have good, positive relationships? I don't think you because you seem trip-wired to denigrate ALL stepparents.

BTW, I am an adult stepchild FWIW

Would I be slightly annoyed? Yes and I would vent to my mom and my spouse and that would be the end of it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

What if the stepparents have been in the kid's life since they were toddlers and essentially helped raise them. What if stepparents are footing the college expenses?

It's not about you!

It's not pay-to-play. You can't outbid the other parent at auction for this role, that's not how it works. And you can't exclude a bio parent because they have less money FFS, it's not a country club! If there aren't enough seats, kid picks or defer to bio parents. The kid didn't ask for divorce and stepfamilies and all the complexity and tedium that it brings. If the kid wants to have both their bio parents there and that means no tix for stepparents, so be it. Sometimes kids are trying to build a relationship with their bio parent by including them, so the kid may feel it's important to include them *even though* they weren't around.

I'm not clear what "essentially helped" means. You helped or you didn't.

Anonymous wrote:Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

What if the stepparents have been in the kid's life since they were toddlers and essentially helped raise them. What if stepparents are footing the college expenses?

It’s crazy to have so many people go to an accepted students day. Is everyone going to go drop him off too?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s embarrassing is your repeated use of “kiddo.”

Side comment:

I cringe when I hear parents refer to their kids as "kiddos" or even worse "littles". So glad my kids left the nest before these terms became popular.

However, it's usually used to refer to younger kids, certainly below High School. Calling a STB college Freshman "kiddo" is so embarrassing. Don't use that term during the college tour.

This is cracking me up. Kiddo was quite popular in the 70s. I definitely used it in recent years. But whatever, different strokes and all that. But I will agree that it sounds weird after middle school.

Anonymous wrote:Other clue is referring to all the parents being a "cheering section", which he admits kid has no problem with. He doesn't see this from the kids' point of view, only his own. He wants "his time" with this kid, rather than recognizing it as the kids' moment and one that would benefit from the group sharing the goal of supporting the kid. He's not interested in being a team player with his ex.

(This is the profile of several of my good friends' exes. They're a type).

Hmm yeah I can see my ex being like this. But I can also see my stepmother being like this.

This is the time to start sucking it up and learn to be civil and spend time together. Dont make your kid do 2 separate HS graduation celebrations, navigate not hurting feelings when moving in to their dorm, 2 college graduation celebration, engagement parties, wedding activities, etc etc.

Other clue is referring to all the parents being a "cheering section", which he admits kid has no problem with. He doesn't see this from the kids' point of view, only his own. He wants "his time" with this kid, rather than recognizing it as the kids' moment and one that would benefit from the group sharing the goal of supporting the kid. He's not interested in being a team player with his ex.

(This is the profile of several of my good friends' exes. They're a type).

Anonymous wrote:You'll get better advice if you stop being so coy. Are you the stepmother hating the bio mom and judging everyone else's parenting? Are you the bio mom hating the AP/new wife?

This is 100% the remarried Dad. Clues are weird use of "kiddo" and seeming baffled at kid's struggle with independence. He blames mom for that.

I'll also go out on limb and say he's intimidated by mom's new husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only the parents should be there, no steps. Frankly most tours etc only allow potential student and 1 parent.

no, they don’t

My kid's college limits the number of people for tours and for admitted students day. It is super popular and when we went for the registered tour her junior year it was so crowded (because people bring grandparents, siblings, etc) that they had run out of chairs for the initial part. The room held over 100 people. Was nuts. So yeah, many schools do limit.

Easy- stepparents don’t belong there. Only parents

Just wait until the summer orientations weekend when they separate the parents and students so that the students can pick their classes without their parents while the parents go to a lecture on how to support their student in the fall: Like, encourage them to pick three clubs/activities and commit to attend each at least three times - as this helps the student meet people and establish their own community away from home. They also encourage the student to stay on campus for the first six weeks and not come home and encourage the parents to also refrain from visiting in the first six weeks. Again, this fosters the student acclimating to their new environment as well as promote independence (which according to OP, this particular student needs more of).