Four months is great, my DD is 14 and killing it in all areas of life (school, sports, friends, top notch musician, etc.) and started daycare at 4 months. I was also financially in the same position as your wife when she went and I'm now the primary breadwinner so it's not terrible to be diversified.

Good daycare providers are amazing caregivers/nurturers.

We visited daycares and didn’t feel comfortable sending such a tiny baby to daycare so we got a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

I view it as coming out of her paycheck because the two are mutually exclusive (sort of). If she works, we pay for daycare. If she doesn’t work, we don’t pay for daycare. We don’t have the option to not have me work, as I make 6x as much. It’s just basic math/logic

If you feel so strongly against having the baby in daycare that you would torpedo her desire to be able to have a career, then you should be equally or more willing to pay for a nanny out of “your” 250k, without any resentment or feeling of martyrdom. Look into a nanny share, that’s less expensive. But news flash - your way of thinking is super unhelpful. You are a family unit. Your expenses are shared expenses. You are talking about the partner you are building your life with and the person you love most in the world, remember? She’s not just one of an array of childcare staffing options that you’re weighing against each other for cost/quality.
- SAHM

I love how this PP phrased it.

Look, short or nonexistent parental leave might be the norm in the US, but your post still comes off poorly. You’re essentially devaluing your wife’s entire career based solely on her paycheck. Suggesting she should be the one to stay home for a year just because she earns less is a bad look. I personally thought three months is young for daycare, still quitting her job to stay home with a partner who doesn't respect her professional contribution is a huge risk for her.

Also, daycare costs don't just 'come out' of her 40K—they come out of your household income of 290K. This is your child, too. With a 250K salary, you can afford a nanny if you think daycare is the wrong way to go.

My goodness - her job is 30 hours a week, some of that work from home, and she likes her coworkers? That is a unicorn job, and she should absolutely hold on to it. That is the holy grail job for a working mom.

Pay for whatever sort of care makes best sense for the family system for one year. Then reassess. My kid went from nanny at 4-8 months to small in-home day care until 2 and then standard toddler daycare/preschool until Kindergarten. You don’t need to plan it all out - make a decision for now in terms of care, and then change when it doesn’t work for you or your child anymore.

It is a short season of life, even if it seems long right now.

Get a nanny or nanny share if you feel strongly, but a good daycare is fine

A job you love is worth keeping.

Why aren't you taking parental leave, OP?

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

For the first year, I wouldn't do daycare. Can you hire a nanny?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

I view it as coming out of her paycheck because the two are mutually exclusive (sort of). If she works, we pay for daycare. If she doesn’t work, we don’t pay for daycare. We don’t have the option to not have me work, as I make 6x as much. It’s just basic math/logic

If you feel so strongly against having the baby in daycare that you would torpedo her desire to be able to have a career, then you should be equally or more willing to pay for a nanny out of “your” 250k, without any resentment or feeling of martyrdom. Look into a nanny share, that’s less expensive. But news flash - your way of thinking is super unhelpful. You are a family unit. Your expenses are shared expenses. You are talking about the partner you are building your life with and the person you love most in the world, remember? She’s not just one of an array of childcare staffing options that you’re weighing against each other for cost/quality.
- SAHM

Can you send a 4 month old to daycare? Yes. Should you? No.

Pretty much any competent adult can find employment at any time for 40k.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

I did the same, and it kept my sanity. Despite what everyone says, being a SAHM is not for everyone. In fact, for a couple of years, with 2 kids, we paid more to day care than what I was bringing home in income. You have to do what works for everyone in the family, which sometimes means short term sacrifice for long term gain

My husband and I alternated leave so our son wasn't in care until 6 months, but I went back around 5 months. I tried going to groups and meet ups and such but I found maternity leave incredibly isolating. My PPA didn't really improve until I could get back into my routine. Being home alone I'd spiral thinking about bad things that might happen.

My kid is a happy healthy kid. He never got the promised daycare illnesses, my husband and I both working means both of us get to spend a lot of time with our kids because we don't need to push for OT.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

I view it as coming out of her paycheck because the two are mutually exclusive (sort of). If she works, we pay for daycare. If she doesn’t work, we don’t pay for daycare. We don’t have the option to not have me work, as I make 6x as much. It’s just basic math/logic

This is a harmful attitude that you need to cut out. The child is both of yours and viewing her as the expected caretaker and so "paying" for care is inappropriate. It will harm your marriage to view it this way. You guys have to be a team or it won't end up well at all.

She's a person, not a role in your house.

Anonymous wrote:My wife wants to send our child to daycare at 4 months so that she can go back to work. If she waits an entire year she’s worried they won’t hold the job for her and she’ll have to start over again, and she likes her team. She works in education administration earning around 40k/yr. I make 250k. So we don’t depend on her salary and most would be eaten up by daycare costs, which would be about $1500/month in our area for an in home daycare. I’m okay with daycare but worry that 4 months is too young for our daughter as I’ve seen most advice suggest starting at the 1 year mark.

Interested in hearing people’s thoughts on this.

I did the same, and it kept my sanity. Despite what everyone says, being a SAHM is not for everyone. In fact, for a couple of years, with 2 kids, we paid more to day care than what I was bringing home in income. You have to do what works for everyone in the family, which sometimes means short term sacrifice for long term gain

All you people who have healthy high schoolers who went to daycare, good for you. Surprised that no one has mentioned vaccinations. Are you aware the FIRST measles vax dose is administered at the 12 month appointment? (Lots of parents out there consider vaccines to be optional). Perhaps an in-house nanny would be an alternative.

Yes. They're only little for a short period of time.