No, I wasn't raised with visiting family graves since we lived far from family. Now, my dad is buried in California but none of the family lives there anymore. One set of grandparents in the midwest, another in New England.

DH, however, grew up in a small city that both sides of his family had lived in for many generations. He was raised with regularly visiting family graves and thinks it's important. He always goes to see his parents graves when we are in town to see his brother.

When I did visit my dad's grave (mom used to live near it but now lives with us), I didn't feel his presence there. I feel his presence when I see DS head out to golf with his grandad's clubs, when I work in the garden, or watch a Vikings game.

My dad died over 35 years ago. We probably went once a year for the first few years. My mom passed about 5 years ago and buried with him and I went regularly until the cemetery got dangerous. Her body is there so that’s why I go. I also like to be sure that the plot is still there and looks right since we paid for it.

So do what you want and don’t compare to others.

No, it is creepy and pointless, and after reading the Necroscope series by Brian Lumley, I really don’t want to risk hearing them speak to me.

I actually find cemeteries fascinating, but no, very rarely (mine are at Arlington). Interesting place, but I feel no personal connection there.

That said, I understand why other people feel differently.

I visit my son’s grave. My life can be chaotic, and it’s a chance to slow down and remember his voice and how he felt in my arms, things that can be hard to hold on to.

I don’t think he’s there. It’s just a place.

Anonymous wrote:No. I don't understand the point. Going to the place where they're decomposing is of no comfort or interest to me.

+1. Thankfully my mom and her side of the family chose cremation without burial so no grave to visit (scattered instead).

My relatives are all buried or interned in Europe, so I visit occasionally when I travel back and am in the area. But no, I don't really think about it or care too much on the whole. Life is for the living Cemeteries are simply made for people to have a place to grieve, and once you are through that most people don't go back to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. As a Hindu, there is no grave. The cremated remains (ashes and whatever bones remained) was immersed in a river. The body is temporary, the soul is permanent. The body is destroyed and dispersed as million pieces of ashes so that the soul cannot follow it or remain attached to the dead body. It needs to move on.

How do we connect with our ancestors? We have a period every year where we pray for our ancestors and give them food and drink, also practice charity in their names.

Why give ancestors food and drink? They are dead. How is this any different the going to their grave. I guess just different ways to honor them but same sentiment.

Yes, we are honoring them, but there are no human body remains left. The body is destroyed and any remaining fragments of bones is dispersed in a way that it is hard to retrieve or identify. There is no skeleton of the dead person. Therefore - no zombie apocalypse in our stories.

Both of my parents are long deceased & are buried together in a beautiful military cemetery about a thirty-min. drive from where I live.

I rarely visit their grave…..like you OP, I just do not feel much of their presence there.
Though I DO believe in an afterlife.

I am a private person in general so I would feel extremely uncomfortable weeping, praying or simply talking at their gravesite.

No because it’s far away and I had a complicated relationship with her and I don’t really believe in afterlife

I do when I'm in town but if I happen to miss doing it, I don't feel guilty. I do find it emotionally moving when I do visit. I think of them though, day to day, always. A gravesite does not change that.

I grew up visiting often, always taking flowers, grave blankets at Christmas. I like cemeteries and feel a sense of closeness even though I know my family is not there. I don’t go as often as I did when I was a child but I still go.

There is no right or wrong, only what feels right for you.

Green burial should be the way but graves shouldn't be assigned forever, just recycle them every 5 years as without casket, that's how ling it takes for a body to fully decompose. With casket it can take 10-15 years.

Aquamation and cremation sound a bit gross but guess whatever is cheaper, dead people don't mind.

No. Graves are insane places my family is not there.