Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So monogrammed cufflinks aren’t a thoughtful gift, but cash is? Wow.

but only if it's a sufficient amount of cash.

It is pretty standard to give the new teen cash to put towards his/her future. Old school tradition. By giving monogrammed cufflinks they are trying to "cheap out" and make it seem "thoughtful" (adult monogrammed gift) rather than do the traditional. It would be generous from a family friend. But not from grandfather, especially given what his own parents did for his child.

However, maybe it's a cover for the dad actually being in a precarious financial situation. Maybe he doesn't have as much money as he pretends to have. Or he's just cheap and his new wife is a ball-b*ster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is you step mom Jewish? I hate to pin this all on his wife, but over and over I’ve seen the dynamic of a new wife not caring about her husbands kids or grandkids. And causing the man to give less or show up less than he would normally. And if she’s not Jewish this might play into it even more.

Of course, a real man doesn’t let his wife control his family relations, so it’s his fault anyways.

This. No respectable man of means, whose own parents gave his child 1,800 in the 90s, gives cufflinks to his grandchild for his bar mitzvah unless it is new-wife driven. Especially if she isn't Jewish. That said, I don't know how you possibly address that without further making new wife really put the brakes on more interaction. Separately, on't expect any inheritance.

You shouldn't expect it anyway. No one owes you their money.

Anonymous wrote:I'd just be sure to mention in front of him that your mom's husband does very well because they gave "X".

This. I would watch a show based on this. In my head all of this was said in a very NY Jewish accent.

Anonymous wrote:Is you step mom Jewish? I hate to pin this all on his wife, but over and over I’ve seen the dynamic of a new wife not caring about her husbands kids or grandkids. And causing the man to give less or show up less than he would normally. And if she’s not Jewish this might play into it even more.

Of course, a real man doesn’t let his wife control his family relations, so it’s his fault anyways.

This. No respectable man of means, whose own parents gave his child 1,800 in the 90s, gives cufflinks to his grandchild for his bar mitzvah unless it is new-wife driven. Especially if she isn't Jewish. That said, I don't know how you possibly address that without further making new wife really put the brakes on more interaction. Separately, on't expect any inheritance.

Anonymous wrote:So monogrammed cufflinks aren’t a thoughtful gift, but cash is? Wow.

but only if it's a sufficient amount of cash.

That was a nice gift.

So monogrammed cufflinks aren’t a thoughtful gift, but cash is? Wow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is you step mom Jewish? I hate to pin this all on his wife, but over and over I’ve seen the dynamic of a new wife not caring about her husbands kids or grandkids. And causing the man to give less or show up less than he would normally. And if she’s not Jewish this might play into it even more.

Of course, a real man doesn’t let his wife control his family relations, so it’s his fault anyways.

She is Jewish but not very religious - she and her own kids were not bar/bat mitzvah’d. I am sure she doesn’t care about the tradition and also doesn’t care about supporting her step-grandson.

I'm shocked by these gift amounts but if that is the tradition, he blew it.

A step-mother comes with a STEPFATHER.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid probably doesn’t even understand. I wouldn’t say anything but I wouldn’t be overly generous of him in the future

This unless you are expecting a large inheritance.

The cuff links are a really nice gift. They are something a man would use, and they were monogrammed so made special for your son. At $400 they sound like they are of decent quality. (How did you know they cost $400?)

That said, your dad cheaped out. He is either mentally slipping or else is just clueless at remembering and extrapolating.

Your kid probably doesn’t even understand. I wouldn’t say anything but I wouldn’t be overly generous of him in the future

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth does it even matter in the slightest, OP? Had your dad given $1000 or $2000 how much of a difference would that make in anyone's life?

You sound really petty and greedy.

Meh. I’m not Jewish but this would definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth.

This gift, much like the milestone is very symbolic. And the grandfather’s behavior is just careless. He was there for his children’s bar mitzas. He fully understands and he does not care.

Play the long game

There's nothing to say. $400 is a nice gift.