Anonymous
03/15/2026 13:35
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's for a scholarship at the community college where he was a student. I had given quite a bit toward funeral expenses, and when my brother announced the scholarship, I assumed that he and his wife were funding it and that they were offering everyone the opportunity to participate with symbolic contributions.
I like the advice to give now what I'd be willing to give at the end of the campaign to make up any shortfall. I'll do that, and try to tune out any future noise from troublesome relatives. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback.
Agree this is the best path forward. Honestly, $250 was way too little IMO. It should have been at least $1000. Fight your feelings of indignation. They lost their child. Try and imagine how you might react if you lost yours.
Ha, seriously? And if the parents decide they want, I don't know, a title to a parcel of land on the moon, or a memorial brick on a pathway at the Vatican, or some other foolishness? Where does it end? No one is obligated to indulge every grieving family member's entitled whim. So dumb.
Anonymous
03/15/2026 13:16
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's for a scholarship at the community college where he was a student. I had given quite a bit toward funeral expenses, and when my brother announced the scholarship, I assumed that he and his wife were funding it and that they were offering everyone the opportunity to participate with symbolic contributions.
I like the advice to give now what I'd be willing to give at the end of the campaign to make up any shortfall. I'll do that, and try to tune out any future noise from troublesome relatives. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback.
Agree this is the best path forward. Honestly, $250 was way too little IMO. It should have been at least $1000. Fight your feelings of indignation. They lost their child. Try and imagine how you might react if you lost yours.
NO.
Anonymous
03/15/2026 13:15
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the expectation that close family and close friends will give large sums to a fund that's not for a critical need and was not their idea in the first place. Even if people told them "I support you, and think a scholarship is a great idea", it still doesn't mean you should be on the hook for more than a token gesture. $250 is a token gesture, you have fulfilled your obligation in my view. Your relatives are way out of line. Grieving doesn't mean milking people for money, even for a legitimate charitable effort!
Not the same thing, but similar: many years ago, my best friend's husband wanted to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip on the other side of the world to write a book about a topic dear to his heart. It meant subsidizing a break from his work for several months, plus living expenses in that country. I gave a token amount. Apparently he was mad that everyone around him gave a token amount (his BIL gave much more, because he's generous that way, but it still wasn't nearly enough). I still do not understand why this man expected the people around him to just give him money for this project!
At one point in our lives, when we were young, DH and I had a life event and were temporarily homeless. We did lean on family for a few months, but didn't expect anything except help with room and board. We repaid everything as soon as we could. I would never ask anything of anyone if it was not a true, and dire, need.
Pretty extreme entitlement, lol.
Anonymous
03/15/2026 13:13
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's for a scholarship at the community college where he was a student. I had given quite a bit toward funeral expenses, and when my brother announced the scholarship, I assumed that he and his wife were funding it and that they were offering everyone the opportunity to participate with symbolic contributions.
I like the advice to give now what I'd be willing to give at the end of the campaign to make up any shortfall. I'll do that, and try to tune out any future noise from troublesome relatives. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback.
Agree this is the best path forward. Honestly, $250 was way too little IMO. It should have been at least $1000. Fight your feelings of indignation. They lost their child. Try and imagine how you might react if you lost yours.
Anonymous
03/15/2026 10:34
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
You gave. I would detach from all the drama. Take the high road and be kind and respectful, but you are allowed to have boundaries.
My son's school has a bunch of scholarships that have gone unfilled despite many in need. They require essays and other hoops nobody has the time for. He has a scholarship and doesn't need more, but friends who could really use the money, but don't have the time for the hoops. So you may be contributing to something that doesn't even help anyone.
Also there should not be a monetary requirement to prove your love. Detach from their irrational behavior and give them grace.
My son's school has a bunch of scholarships that have gone unfilled despite many in need. They require essays and other hoops nobody has the time for. He has a scholarship and doesn't need more, but friends who could really use the money, but don't have the time for the hoops. So you may be contributing to something that doesn't even help anyone.
Also there should not be a monetary requirement to prove your love. Detach from their irrational behavior and give them grace.
Anonymous
03/15/2026 03:36
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
OP here. It's for a scholarship at the community college where he was a student. I had given quite a bit toward funeral expenses, and when my brother announced the scholarship, I assumed that he and his wife were funding it and that they were offering everyone the opportunity to participate with symbolic contributions.
I like the advice to give now what I'd be willing to give at the end of the campaign to make up any shortfall. I'll do that, and try to tune out any future noise from troublesome relatives. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback.
I like the advice to give now what I'd be willing to give at the end of the campaign to make up any shortfall. I'll do that, and try to tune out any future noise from troublesome relatives. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 21:23
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
$250 plus another $100 ($50 x 2 birthdays) is not much for this situation. I would have given more up front. However, I don’t think the parents are going to meet their $25k goal at this point.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 21:08
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Say nothing. Do nothing based on what they say. Contribute what you feel right about in your heart. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 20:59
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
What is wrong with you people??? Their kid died. OP's nephew died. $250 is an embarrassment. I would have given ten times that much. Hell I would have given more.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 20:49
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Two years of grieving a beloved child is nothing. Please cut them some slack. Donate more or don’t but they are suffering and disappointed this idea didn’t play out how they hoped. They likely won’t reach their goal, which must feel awful. They are living through every parent’s worst nightmare and if this is a coping mechanism it’s far from the worst one.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 20:36
Subject: Re:endowed scholarship drama
Anonymous wrote:I would withhold judgment and give as much as I could. It’s your nephew.
No, that's ridiculous. Grief does not entitle you to jerk behavior, especially years after the event.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 20:33
Subject: Re:endowed scholarship drama
I would withhold judgment and give as much as I could. It’s your nephew.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 20:17
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Yes. I misread and thought $250k. That's about $12,000 a year. Not sure if this is a private school K-12 scholarship or college.
But $25k unless it is a one shot is not a lot as an award at 4 or 5 percent a year.
I think PPs are right grieving family sees this as cash merit for their child but really should have gotten most then, not expect initial and then birthday merit each year.
But $25k unless it is a one shot is not a lot as an award at 4 or 5 percent a year.
I think PPs are right grieving family sees this as cash merit for their child but really should have gotten most then, not expect initial and then birthday merit each year.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 20:10
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but what is this scholarship for? 25K is not much if they want to use interest earnings for an actual payout. I also agree that this is something the parents should have self-funded if they want such a memory.
Good point.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 19:01
Subject: endowed scholarship drama
Sorry, but what is this scholarship for? 25K is not much if they want to use interest earnings for an actual payout. I also agree that this is something the parents should have self-funded if they want such a memory.