🎶Keep climbing, keep bragging, knowing you can always count on me…for shade…that’s what DCUM’s for!🎵

Both. That's the whole point. The inclusion language and the cutthroat behavior come from the same place. These people have learned that the most effective way to secure competitive advantage for their children is to do it while loudly caring about others.

Think about it from first principles. If you were going to dedicate your entire adult life to funneling your offspring into the ruling class, would you announce that? Or would you join the diversity committee, cry at the MLK assembly, and quietly make sure little Atticus or Waverly has the right internship, the right therapist, the right college counselor, and the right letter of recommendation from the right person you met at the right gala?

The ones who seem nice are the ones who've mastered the form. The ones who seem cutthroat are just less polished. Same destination.

You asked which is reality and which is fiction. The niceness is real. The concern for social justice is real. The cutthroat ambition is real. The sincerity is the only fiction, and not because these people are lying exactly. They've lived inside the story so long they can no longer tell the difference between what they believe and what it's useful to believe.

Which, if you think about it, is the most frightening option of all.

Such a range at both private and pubic...but private is self-selected for those who went through the application process, so no surprise that many PPs see more edge for competitiveness in this group. But people in both groups strategize for their kids and their families based on all sorts of factors in this area, it just may not be as obvious in the public school cohort.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters OP, there are so many varieties of personalities in public or private. The most entertaining types are the snobs who are not built in a way to be looking down on others. If they never leave home without their harness, they just might get there…but it is still not quite enough. Keep climbing honey!

Also the condescending ones that write in DCUM.

Esp when they are blind to their own faults.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters OP, there are so many varieties of personalities in public or private. The most entertaining types are the snobs who are not built in a way to be looking down on others. If they never leave home without their harness, they just might get there…but it is still not quite enough. Keep climbing honey!

Also the condescending ones that write in DCUM.

I don’t think it matters OP, there are so many varieties of personalities in public or private. The most entertaining types are the snobs who are not built in a way to be looking down on others. If they never leave home without their harness, they just might get there…but it is still not quite enough. Keep climbing honey!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the scale of niceness and sincereness (0-10), parents at elite private schools are a 6.7.

(OP asks a stupid question and we can give her a stupid answer.)

6.9 IMO

Exactly 4.20 - such a BS question

They are not. The one person I know at Bullis is a stone cold B. Elite level mean girl and has the extensive grotesque budget to back it up.

Having had kids in both, the elite privates have a higher % of ultra competitive and judge-mental parents.

Anonymous wrote:You're not going to get objective answers here because this is the private school forum and most posters are private school types.

I will say this, though. To me, the weirdest part about private schools is that parents matter. In public schools, we don't give a shit about the parents. It's a school, not a country club.

💯 this.

You're not going to get objective answers here because this is the private school forum and most posters are private school types.

I will say this, though. To me, the weirdest part about private schools is that parents matter. In public schools, we don't give a shit about the parents. It's a school, not a country club.

There are all types of people in private schools parent community. Some of them are obviously looking for making rich friends, some others are sonmuch into showing off their wealth. But also there are some parents down to earth, treating people equally. You cannot tell how rich those parents are. They talk normal, wear normal clothes, and do not try to show anything to anyone.

Anonymous wrote:I think that all parents are proud of their kids, this is likely more pronounced at private schools with the humble brags being presented in ways like asking questions for upcoming class registration. IT is indeed a silent race. A race for what schools accepted your child, a race for what HS accepted your child, and a race for where your child ultimately gets accepted to college. It is what it is because all the parents want the best for their kids.

The competitive vibe is real. We’re at a progressive K-8 with a whole child approach and I am still shocked by parents asking questions clearly aimed at tabs keeping. Believe me, you can tell the difference vs. casual convos. They are clearly gunning for a certain high school etc. or at a minimum want to size up their kid against yours. Not all parents are like this but enough

Having had kids in public and private I’d say private school parents are more intense. Nice to a**hole scale is similar (both types of schools have both), but I do think there is an undercurrent of desired achievement for the investment (financial and otherwise) parents in privates have made for their kids. Lots of expectations implicit and/or explicit and therefore more pressure and stress on kids, especially high school. Lots of high achievers expecting high achievement. Some of this vibe in public, but way way more in private, in my experience.

Anonymous wrote:I think that all parents are proud of their kids, this is likely more pronounced at private schools with the humble brags being presented in ways like asking questions for upcoming class registration. IT is indeed a silent race. A race for what schools accepted your child, a race for what HS accepted your child, and a race for where your child ultimately gets accepted to college. It is what it is because all the parents want the best for their kids.

It’s anxiety too. Let’s be honest.