I would definitely attend the 90th birthday party for my side of the family, and I'd bring my son. In your situation, I'd leave it up to DH what he wanted to do. If he feels strongly about attending the wedding on his side, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

I’d go to the 90yr old bday with my kid and let husband choose which event he wants to go to.

Anonymous wrote:Did you already RSVP to the wedding? If so, you go. If not, I’d take your son to the birthday and send your husband to the wedding. But the kids room thing is not a big deal at all— that wouldn’t influence my deviation.

This

For me it might depend on which event would mean I’d see more people I don’t see very often.

The 9yo in the kids’ room is annoying but she doesn’t know whether your child will get antsy, and she’s trying to just eliminate that potential source of disruption. I wouldn’t be stewing over that in your shoes, nor would I make that a deciding factor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to the wedding. I cannot believe you are upset that they want your kid to stay in the kids' room during the ceremony. I'm sure your son would prefer it.

Seriously. I, a 54 yo woman, would prefer to hang out in the kids room during the ceremony. The reception is the fun part.

Ha!

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the OP has a 9 year old that will sit quietly in a church. Bravo for you OP. Some parents would be okay with their 9 year old using a device in the church. Sit in the back of the church with your kid and keep him quiet. It will be okay.

It sounds like the OP *thinks she has* a 9 yo who will sit quietly in a church. Her perception may not mesh with reality.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

OP, you are approaching this in a really strange way. He can hang out with is cousins at the 3+ hour reception, where he can actually talk with them. Not being able to sit quietly with them at a religious ceremony is not a big deal at all.

Also, this may be time for some self-reflection. There is a reason the bride and groom requested this. Is your son sometimes disruptive? There's a big difference between an immature 9 yo and a mature 13 yo. If you take an honest look at this, you may begin to understand.

Anonymous wrote:Go to the wedding. I cannot believe you are upset that they want your kid to stay in the kids' room during the ceremony. I'm sure your son would prefer it.

Seriously. I, a 54 yo woman, would prefer to hang out in the kids room during the ceremony. The reception is the fun part.

Which event would you look back on more fondly? For me, it would be the birthday party, without question. I fully support no-child weddings but a 90th birthday party is much more important. The wedding couple may get divorced. The 90-yr-old may never get another birthday, and they want you there.

The reception is the fun part. What 9 year old will be deeply moved by a wedding ceremony?

All you parents who think your kid’s feelings are more important than the bride and groom getting the wedding they want are part of the reason why kids today are such snowflakes. Be annoyed, fine. But keep it to yourselves and either go and do as bride asks or don’t go. How is this hard?

I also think in this particular instance the op just wants an excuse to not go.

100% go see your cousin and take your son. What DH does is up to him. My great grandfather’s 95 year old cousin just died a few months ago, the last of that generation, and not many left in my father’s or grandfather’s generation’s either. When they are gone, they are gone. Send a beautiful gift and go celebrate at the party.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Let me be clear. My son is the youngest cousin. My husband's cousins' children are teens/adults. Everyone is scattered throughout the country so if they do come, he will not know anyone. He will be stuck with way younger kids in a very weird situation. Yes, he ultimately will be fine, but upset that he can't go sit with his cousins. There was a handwritten note from the bride in the invitation asking us to drop him off in the kids room.

We still haven't decided what to do.

That is not a weird situation. You think he'll be the youngest, but you actually have no idea. You think his older cousins adore him, but they might just tolerate him and be happy that they can hang out without him. My sons are early twenties and late teens, and they have a cousin that age. Yes, they play with him and include him etc, but that they also prefer to hang out within their own age group---just like apparently you are complaining about for your son. Maybe it's time for him to learn.

90th party ^ correction

Skip wedding
Attend deceased family member event