Hate to make this devolve into some trite commentary, but these sorts of exercises are humiliating for stay at home parents. The worst are the instagram videos of the SAHM's that are trying to show how difficult their lives are, and then show them taking their kids to school, grocery shopping, cleaning their home, preparing meals. Imagine doing all of that plus an outside job!

Anonymous wrote:I work a very part time job so I can be the primary parent in my household. I also do the vast majority of housework and family admin.

I do think my spouse and kids deeply value the unpaid work I do.

I do not think SOCIETY values the work I do.

I work ft but flexible job and honestly I don't think my family values it in a true way. Yes, they'll say thanks for food and things like that, but there is zero respect for mental space for me: I am constantly asked all the time about this and that problem so I never have peace, and I carry 3 people's needs at all times on top of my own. Just now dh asked me advice about his work, for something critical. He was upset when I told him that was way too big a thing for me to help out with. Yesterday I had just finished work and dd called to ask me for input on something, day before I had a stressful day and ds is the one who kept having questions. It's not just the physical labor, I can handle that. The mental is crushing and if I don't do it they absolutely resent me and think I am being selfish if I don't help. Then dh thinks I am too stressed out and serious and need to relax.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work a very part time job so I can be the primary parent in my household. I also do the vast majority of housework and family admin.

I do think my spouse and kids deeply value the unpaid work I do.

I do not think SOCIETY values the work I do.

That’s funny, I was just about to write something similar.

It’s just the area we live in that’s majority two-income earners. Before we moved here, there were many SAHP and I fit right in there.

I agree. I grew up in the Richmond suburbs and it was very common there (even though my own mom worked, but out of necessity.) I feel like in other areas people are more comfortable having a SAHM with a middle class life, whereas here it feels like you are only “allowed” to have a SAHM lifestyle if the family is rich. You are judged if you SAH and don’t provide lavish things to your kids. I don’t know.

Anonymous wrote:I work a very part time job so I can be the primary parent in my household. I also do the vast majority of housework and family admin.

I do think my spouse and kids deeply value the unpaid work I do.

I do not think SOCIETY values the work I do.

That’s funny, I was just about to write something similar.

It’s just the area we live in that’s majority two-income earners. Before we moved here, there were many SAHP and I fit right in there.

So many of the problems that we have as a society is because no one is doing the things that women used to do. I’m not saying that women should stop working at all, but a hole now exists in our communities and the lives of children and families that we are all feeling the effects of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

Sigh. Your parents are supposed to model parenting behavior. You don't receive formal training with the possible exception of some high school activities. Of course, nothing keeps you from learning. For instance, books continue to exist.

This is the dumbest response I’ve ever seen.

And yet, still accurate.

Anonymous wrote:I work a very part time job so I can be the primary parent in my household. I also do the vast majority of housework and family admin.

I do think my spouse and kids deeply value the unpaid work I do.

I do not think SOCIETY values the work I do.

If I'm society, I certainly do. Not that any of my SAHM neighbors owe anyone any help. They don't owe their neighbors anything. But, when they go to the store, they ask a group of us full time working moms if we need anything. If we run out of anything, they offer it. Sometimes they give my kids a ride. Not because I ask them but because they can and it's convenient enough for them in the moment. I try not to take advantage of the offers too often because I need to be able to handle my life but it's very appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

Sigh. Your parents are supposed to model parenting behavior. You don't receive formal training with the possible exception of some high school activities. Of course, nothing keeps you from learning. For instance, books continue to exist.

This is the dumbest response I’ve ever seen.

I work a very part time job so I can be the primary parent in my household. I also do the vast majority of housework and family admin.

I do think my spouse and kids deeply value the unpaid work I do.

I do not think SOCIETY values the work I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

Sigh. Your parents are supposed to model parenting behavior. You don't receive formal training with the possible exception of some high school activities. Of course, nothing keeps you from learning. For instance, books continue to exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I really knew how much work it took to raise kids, I would never have had them. For me they haven’t been worth it.

Aren’t you a peach.

She might just be realistic. She might have harder to raise children.

Or maybe just struggles with raising children. Doctors go through years and years of training before being allowed to practice, and yet parents receive little to zero parenting training before becoming parents.

We also did fine until I left. They fell into debt really fast. Their work wondered why they were leaving early and coming late. They were lucky not to lose their job.
They had always been the spender as the higher earner and probably failed to cut spending fast. They underestimated what it takes to get the kid to school and back, do the grocery shopping, run errands, laundry, go to doctor's appointments.
They never said that I was worthless, but they believed they could do it alone. Their mental health went first, then physical.

The article starts with a bit of a misrepresentation although the discussion of child care costs is a real one.

While the need for affordable child care is clear, the definition of affordability is not. The most commonly cited definition is the 7% affordability benchmark from the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), in which child care is considered affordable if it does not exceed 7% of a household’s income. However, as described in the preamble to the 2016 Child Care and Development Fund final rule and recent testimony to the House Education and Labor Committee, this 7% benchmark was never meant to be an affordability metric for all families. Rather, it is a recommendation for how much a low-income, working family receiving a child care subsidy should pay as a co-payment for child care services. As the current child care market is driven by private pay families, with only 6.4% of children in early childhood education programs receiving public or private subsidies, broadly applying the 7% benchmark overlooks the significant public funding covering the gap between 7% of a family’s income and the price of child care.

The Child Care and Development Block Grant (CCDBG) Act of 2014 requires states to establish a sliding fee scale for parents who receive subsidies in order to share the costs of their child care services. After the bipartisan reauthorization of CCDBG, HHS recommended parental copayments not exceed the benchmark of 7% of a household’s income. HHS chose the 7% benchmark to reflect U.S. Census Bureau data that showed the average percent of monthly income spent by all families on child care stayed consistent at about 7% from 1997 to 2011. Because low-income families disproportionately spend more of their income on child care compared to higher income families, HHS recommended the 7% benchmark in order to achieve parity in child care cost burden. This benchmark only applies to the required copayments required of low-income families receiving a child care subsidy.

Unfortunately, the subsidy scale is based off of FPL limits, up to 200%. And there are glaring issues with the FPL to begin with such as the fact that it has never been updated to reflect 1) modern costs and inflation 2) geographical COL concerns: "never accounted for the explosion in housing, childcare, health care and transportation costs, and it ignores geographic differences that make rent in Jackson, Mississippi a very different reality from rent in New York City or Los Angeles."

This is what anyone who is between the starvation income of FPL limits and an adjusted MC will tell you. Because it doesn't reflect the reality of the current economic markets for housing, food, etc. there is a point where you are better off being extra poor because you receive subsidies compared to making more than the FPL because you are still in starvation limits economically but are expected to pay for everything. Its an abyss.

It also doesnt take into account working household dynamics. A SAHP + working parent making 100k is different than dual working parents making 100k. THe former doesnt pay for childcare nor transport x 1. Couple that with the former living in WV versus DC and its even worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d hate to see the bill from my DH for doing the taxes. I don’t think I can afford him.

Good lord, I do the taxes too. DH *definitely* can't afford me.

Good thing DH and I are a team and we work together to make life work.

We were too. Until we weren’t.

Is that because he didn't pay you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d hate to see the bill from my DH for doing the taxes. I don’t think I can afford him.

Good lord, I do the taxes too. DH *definitely* can't afford me.

Good thing DH and I are a team and we work together to make life work.

We were too. Until we weren’t.