This is a hard one for most parents. On one hand, many of us may feel like the stakes are bigger for our kids because things are different now. Less room for error. I have to remind myself constantly that I’m not doing my college kid any favors by helicoptering or spoonfeeding or being in more frequent contact. Many of us managed with no internet, snail mail, posted flyers, and maybe the weekly parent phone call. Thanks all for reminding me to do better or do less with my college kid. There’s no one good or right answer to the helicoptering issue.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a friend who does a comedy show at their college. Her friend is on the parent Facebook page for the school and uses posts from that page as fodder for her comedy show.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a friend who does a comedy show at their college. Her friend is on the parent Facebook page for the school and uses posts from that page as fodder for her comedy show.

Easy material

My daughter has a friend who does a comedy show at their college. Her friend is on the parent Facebook page for the school and uses posts from that page as fodder for her comedy show.

Anonymous wrote:At DC's school where they are an RA, they are instructed to NEVER provide their phone numbers to parents. DC learned why when during freshman move in a mom asked if they could text DC if their child did not wake up in time for their classes. There are parents who take it to another level.

That reminds me of my DD’s freshman year. Her roommate was Indian, like from India where her parents lived multiple time zones away. Numbers were exchanged in case of an emergency meaning we had the roommate’s number and her parents had our DD’s number.

One afternoon, dd was sleeping late and awakened by the roommate’s mother calling her frantically from India. She had been trying to call her daughter because she wasn’t showing up on Live360 as being in the chemistry building and that she must’ve overslept. My kid kindly let the mother know that it was a holiday that day and there were no classes.

Her roommate was mortified. She had turned off her phone. Apologized profusely. It never happened again. They’re all seniors now and still good friends.

Anonymous wrote:All ivies except Cornell. They are like ants at the rest - the heavily curated experiences the parents manufactured for the kids to get into the ivies shifts over to targeting IB or MBB internships

When my kid enrolled at at Princeton, I was impressed at how quickly they told the parents to leave after move in. As in immediately. The school maintained this posture, really putting a lot of emphasis on student independence. I went to college without parents in my life, so helicoptering was never my thing but was impressed at the school’s posture. Now, no doubt there were a number of parents helicoptering anyway.

Anonymous wrote:At DC's school where they are an RA, they are instructed to NEVER provide their phone numbers to parents. DC learned why when during freshman move in a mom asked if they could text DC if their child did not wake up in time for their classes. There are parents who take it to another level.

Wow

At DC's school where they are an RA, they are instructed to NEVER provide their phone numbers to parents. DC learned why when during freshman move in a mom asked if they could text DC if their child did not wake up in time for their classes. There are parents who take it to another level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two types of helicopter parents.

The good kind who are gradually pulling back but still helping their special needs kids through the journey of life.

The bad kind who are vicariously looking for a second chance at success in life by trying again as their kids constant surrogate.

Unfortunately the bad kind outnumber the good kind at least 5 to 1 in every university setting.

The worst ones accompany there kids to job interviews.

Are you saying they sit next to their kid during the actual job interview? Really? Everything in this culture is 'do it alone' whether that be go to a job interview alone or wherever else (fill in the blank). But what's wrong with a parent (or friend) accompanying them to an interview for moral support (waiting in the car or office lobby) or to park the car while their kid (or friend) goes in?

Why would they need moral support? Tell them good luck and send them on their way. Sitting in the car? Do you have no life?

Figures. you don't understand the meaning of moral.

No, I don’t in this context. You can do it by not sitting there in the car. Out of sight, out of mind. You could do that just as well at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All ivies except Cornell. They are like ants at the rest - the heavily curated experiences the parents manufactured for the kids to get into the ivies shifts over to targeting IB or MBB internships

Ha! Cornell parent here. There are definitely helicopter parents as evidenced by the parents FB group. I nearly lost it when a mom posted asking for how to get the schedule for the bus that runs through campus and town. I responded that it’s her kid’s job to learn how to navigate these type of situations and figure out how to reach out to the resources on campus to find the schedule. Some other mom scolded me for my response saying that the kids are studying so much and that it’s okay to help with things like this. 😂😂😂

OP—they are on every campus. Don’t be one.

Kids are so much faster figuring out bus systems on their phone anyways. At one student welcome day, a current junior said they had to learn to do laundry in the dorm when they moved in freshman year. One admitted kid turned to their parent and exclaimed: "what? don't you learn that before you get to college?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just look at the parent fb groups for almost any college. Helicopter parents are everywhere. But that's not a reason for your child to avoid a school -- they aren't interacting with parents.

This. That’s where you’ll see such critical questions posed like

HOW MANY WASHCLOTHS ARE YOU SENDING WITH YOUR KID? IM THINKING SIX.

HOW MANY BRITTA FILTER PITCHERS CAN FIT INTO A DORM FRIDGE? IS IT OK IF THEY JUST SHARE ONE AND REFILL IT MORE FREQUENTLY?

Yes, these are two real posts I saw in FB groups. That I ended up leaving.

How many filter pitchers can fit in one of those mini fridge btw? And where do students go to have water filtered via the britta? There's no sink in the dorm rooms at least not in most rooms.

I'm sure your kids are capable of finding the sink in the bathroom and carrying the Brita back to their room. Right?

The sink used by all those kids? "Excuse me Larlo can you stop brushing so I can get to that sink to fill this pitcher with water?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two types of helicopter parents.

The good kind who are gradually pulling back but still helping their special needs kids through the journey of life.

The bad kind who are vicariously looking for a second chance at success in life by trying again as their kids constant surrogate.

Unfortunately the bad kind outnumber the good kind at least 5 to 1 in every university setting.

The worst ones accompany there kids to job interviews.

Are you saying they sit next to their kid during the actual job interview? Really? Everything in this culture is 'do it alone' whether that be go to a job interview alone or wherever else (fill in the blank). But what's wrong with a parent (or friend) accompanying them to an interview for moral support (waiting in the car or office lobby) or to park the car while their kid (or friend) goes in?

Why would they need moral support? Tell them good luck and send them on their way. Sitting in the car? Do you have no life?

Figures. you don't understand the meaning of moral.

Anonymous wrote:All ivies except Cornell. They are like ants at the rest - the heavily curated experiences the parents manufactured for the kids to get into the ivies shifts over to targeting IB or MBB internships

Ha! Cornell parent here. There are definitely helicopter parents as evidenced by the parents FB group. I nearly lost it when a mom posted asking for how to get the schedule for the bus that runs through campus and town. I responded that it’s her kid’s job to learn how to navigate these type of situations and figure out how to reach out to the resources on campus to find the schedule. Some other mom scolded me for my response saying that the kids are studying so much and that it’s okay to help with things like this. 😂😂😂

OP—they are on every campus. Don’t be one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just look at the parent fb groups for almost any college. Helicopter parents are everywhere. But that's not a reason for your child to avoid a school -- they aren't interacting with parents.

This. That’s where you’ll see such critical questions posed like

HOW MANY WASHCLOTHS ARE YOU SENDING WITH YOUR KID? IM THINKING SIX.

HOW MANY BRITTA FILTER PITCHERS CAN FIT INTO A DORM FRIDGE? IS IT OK IF THEY JUST SHARE ONE AND REFILL IT MORE FREQUENTLY?

Yes, these are two real posts I saw in FB groups. That I ended up leaving.

How many filter pitchers can fit in one of those mini fridge btw? And where do students go to have water filtered via the britta? There's no sink in the dorm rooms at least not in most rooms.

I'm sure your kids are capable of finding the sink in the bathroom and carrying the Brita back to their room. Right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two types of helicopter parents.

The good kind who are gradually pulling back but still helping their special needs kids through the journey of life.

The bad kind who are vicariously looking for a second chance at success in life by trying again as their kids constant surrogate.

Unfortunately the bad kind outnumber the good kind at least 5 to 1 in every university setting.

The worst ones accompany there kids to job interviews.

Are you saying they sit next to their kid during the actual job interview? Really? Everything in this culture is 'do it alone' whether that be go to a job interview alone or wherever else (fill in the blank). But what's wrong with a parent (or friend) accompanying them to an interview for moral support (waiting in the car or office lobby) or to park the car while their kid (or friend) goes in?

Why would they need moral support? Tell them good luck and send them on their way. Sitting in the car? Do you have no life?