Why do you live in the suburbs?

OP did not say that he is a dad? Did he?

When my kids were little, I took care of them and I was regularly taking them to the zoo, aquarium, parks, museums, shows, mommy and me classes, grocery shopping, errands etc. I did not have any close friends and when I went back to work, I realized that I did not even have time for my kids and household. I became a SAHM again.

OP seems to have no kids and lots of money. I would think that he should -
- go to therapy and understand what he should do to make his wife like him and change his DB situation
- start some new ventures to create alternate revenue streams,
- start an organic garden at home or grow a food forest,
- start learning new things in a community college or online.
- pick up a hobby - photography, cooking
- pick up skills that may be needed in the new dystopian world
- travel in US and around the world whenever he gets good cheap tickets.
- visit his family often.
- get solar panels installed. Get an energy audit of his house done. Other home improvements
- entertain more.
- go to the gym
- organize meet ups
- start a charitable organization for a good cause


OP, just don't have an affair, OR mess up your health/wealth/relationship/reputation OR have bad habits like addiction/gambling/porn OR do anything morally or legally bad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:volunteer in school and join the PTA.

When we moved here, I was wfh, and so the only people I met were through my kids' school.

- a man at the PTA meeting?! That will go over well.

OP here. Would it be odd? I feel as if other moms might think I have nefarious reasons for joining. I can't imagine a lot of other moms would like a 20-30 year old male joining the PTA....

No...it's not 1960! Our PTA had 2 Dad Presidents while we were there

Agree! I see dads at PTA meetings and running PTA fundraisers and events.

There are 2-3 issues with you that I can see.

1 - You are bored in the suburbs because a) no kids b)no work day c)no companions in the daytime.

2 - Your youth and you are not too many years out of college where you were guaranteed fun and companions at all time.

3 - Dead Bedroom

Here are my 2 cents -
# 2 - you just have to accept that college is over and you will never ever have that much time and that many companions again in life.

# 3 - you have to figure this out with your wife. If it means that you try and schedule sex twice in the weekends, so be it. Sorry, I cannot help you with it. Marriages are worth saving. Also, thinking that this is a starter marriage is going to bring you to relationship doom.

#1 - No. Do not have a child. Your marriage needs time. You and your wife need time.
- Not having a work day is not a problem but a huge advantage. You may start new ventures, learn new skills, work on your health and fitness, and work on acquiring wealth, get more education (online courses for free).
- Commit to going to DC and doing deep dives and exploring the museums - one museum a month. Read up on what you will see, watch documentaries, and then go and see.

Is your wife happy with how much she is working?

Agree with PP - if your child/ren do any sports, help coach. My husband had a great time doing this - it was a sport he had never played, but he learned a lot from other coaches and YouTube. If your kids aren’t doing sports and you have free time in the afternoons you could volunteer coach with other sports leagues. There are also adult casual pick up games of various sports in the daytime. You could also volunteer with a food kitchen or shelter. Or you could organize something in the community for less fortunate families/kids (book drive, sports equipment exchange, coat drive, collect and donate hygiene products for schools).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this. I presume you are working during the day? If you go to the gym, have kids, own a business AND do chores then how do you have so much additional free time?

I suspect you’re not working that much. Owning a business is a lot of work!! Do you have staff?

Played the market when I was young and got lucky (was afforded that opportunity due to family money) then inherited money from my family on top of that. Because of that cushion I took some risk in my young 20s and then started a business online which has been profitable and doesn't require much work. Can't get anymore specific than that or I'll dox myself (if I haven't already).

Chores aren't too bad: grew up in a house where it was the one minute rule and clean as you go and I am someone who really enjoys a clean space.

Sounds like you have zero drive whatsoever. Your wife must be annoyed with you sitting around doing chopped liver.

What to do?
SAHMs of course!

Oh and my husband is really working on organizing a regular poker night. Once you have a few good friends these things are not hard, most people love to be invited to things! I am a very socially anxious person but have decided I’m a grown adult and I can handle rejection so I have really started working on this and people in general seem very grateful. Don’t feel like you can only be friends with people exactly like you. We don’t have much in common with our neighbors and they are quite a bit older than us but we still enjoy their company and vice versa (I hope).

Give us at least the general age of your kids. That should help. You absolutely can volunteer through the PTA - there are dads who always do the parents vs teachers basketball game and one who organizes a fun run each year. It’s a good way to meet people and see you hit it off with anyone.

My husband has also made some dad friends through coaching our son’s sports team. Not why he did it but man the one thing men will show up for is sports.

If your kid has a friend with a remotely normal seeming set of parents invite them over for meal some weekend and let the kids play. It can be pizza, no one cares. You have to put yourself out there a little bit. It’s definitely harder for dads to make friends through kids and most men’s friends around here seem to be through work but it’s doable.

How old are your kids? At school or at home with you?
If they’re at home you could try starting up a Dads meetup group.
When DD was little I had friends where the mom was a nurse and the Dad was a firefighter so I did stuff with both of them depending on the day. There are other Dads out there doing shift work who have kids during the week that would be interested in getting together. You gotta get something started though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this. I presume you are working during the day? If you go to the gym, have kids, own a business AND do chores then how do you have so much additional free time?

I suspect you’re not working that much. Owning a business is a lot of work!! Do you have staff?

Played the market when I was young and got lucky (was afforded that opportunity due to family money) then inherited money from my family on top of that. Because of that cushion I took some risk in my young 20s and then started a business online which has been profitable and doesn't require much work. Can't get anymore specific than that or I'll dox myself (if I haven't already).

Chores aren't too bad: grew up in a house where it was the one minute rule and clean as you go and I am someone who really enjoys a clean space.

Too much time and too much money. You’re definitely going to step out. Gird your loins and guard your fortune accordingly.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this. I presume you are working during the day? If you go to the gym, have kids, own a business AND do chores then how do you have so much additional free time?

I suspect you’re not working that much. Owning a business is a lot of work!! Do you have staff?

Played the market when I was young and got lucky (was afforded that opportunity due to family money) then inherited money from my family on top of that. Because of that cushion I took some risk in my young 20s and then started a business online which has been profitable and doesn't require much work. Can't get anymore specific than that or I'll dox myself (if I haven't already).

Chores aren't too bad: grew up in a house where it was the one minute rule and clean as you go and I am someone who really enjoys a clean space.

Too much time and too much money. You’re definitely going to step out. Gird your loins and guard your fortune accordingly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:volunteer in school and join the PTA.

When we moved here, I was wfh, and so the only people I met were through my kids' school.

- a man at the PTA meeting?! That will go over well.

OP here. Would it be odd? I feel as if other moms might think I have nefarious reasons for joining. I can't imagine a lot of other moms would like a 20-30 year old male joining the PTA....

No...it's not 1960! Our PTA had 2 Dad Presidents while we were there

Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this. I presume you are working during the day? If you go to the gym, have kids, own a business AND do chores then how do you have so much additional free time?

I suspect you’re not working that much. Owning a business is a lot of work!! Do you have staff?

Played the market when I was young and got lucky (was afforded that opportunity due to family money) then inherited money from my family on top of that. Because of that cushion I took some risk in my young 20s and then started a business online which has been profitable and doesn't require much work. Can't get anymore specific than that or I'll dox myself (if I haven't already).

Chores aren't too bad: grew up in a house where it was the one minute rule and clean as you go and I am someone who really enjoys a clean space.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:volunteer in school and join the PTA.

When we moved here, I was wfh, and so the only people I met were through my kids' school.

- a man at the PTA meeting?! That will go over well.

OP here. Would it be odd? I feel as if other moms might think I have nefarious reasons for joining. I can't imagine a lot of other moms would like a 20-30 year old male joining the PTA....

No...it's not 1960! Our PTA had 2 Dad Presidents while we were there