As soon as kids go to college we are leaving DC and buying acreage somewhere to enjoy for a couple decades. We'll be 47/48 so we should have 20 decent years. I want 1 level living, a separate walkout basement apartment or small secondary living set up like a carriage house in case a kid or parent needs to move in with us, and 5+ acres.

Our NoVA house is only 1500 sf so it's fine, but it's set up terribly with bedrooms upstairs and laundry in the basement and I don't want to deal with it after the kids are gone.

Once our adult children are buying houses, I know I do not want to have the bigger house. I don't want to be the one in the more expensive house in the more expensive area, better located with a shorter commute, having the better schools. It will seem upside down.

I hope to have what it takes, resources and motivation to help that happen.

When our youngest is done or close to done with college. We had kids late, so we will be in our late 60s when our last one graduates.

In our late 50s we are slowing down spending and I am sorting through and getting rid of stuff. Imagine it's going to take a while, but really need to pare things down before we retire and probably want to move.

I think it's important to be realistic. My parents generation only had to help grandparents move out of 1 bedroom because they downsized once when kids went to college and again when the husband retired. My MIL never worked and accumulated so much crap. My mother barely worked, spent so many years traveling, dining, pampering while dad earned and could not be bothered to sort their stuff, other than once a year spending a few hours.

I helped my mother for about a year with shredding, sorting, donating, but she was so nasty and entitled through the whole process. I worked, one of my kids has SN and finally when my husband had a health event I told her I could no longer help her. She made threats about inheritance which worked well because she had buckets of money to hire people.

Quite a few helpers have quit because the amount of junk she stashes and the amount of papers she kept is just mountains and she is so bossy and mean when you help. She has informed me well over 100 times over the years that is is truly my job to empty her close to 4000 square feet house when the time comes, not my sister's job, not my brother's job, but mine and I am a horrible person for saying I won't do it. She is able bodied, but feels her job is to travel Europe, get massages, get her nails done and complain.

So yeah, we are already downsizing in our 50s, will do it again in 60s and then 70s. I will never be so entitled and selfish with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on your health and how big your house is. If you have an 8000SF home in McLean, maybe you downsize when the kids are in college/done with college.

If you have a 3000 or 4000SF house with a first floor master suite, I would think there's no urgency unless you need the equity out of it or don't want to pay for cleaning and lawn care as you get older.

Lol, 3-4k sf house is not a small house. Particularly if you're cleaning it yourself.

I posted that- if the master is on the first floor, you don't use the second floor unless people are staying with you. My parents moved to a house like this and were fine until about age 70. In their case, they had laundry and the master bedroom on the main level, and the cleaners only did the second floor a few times a year (mostly just dusting).

What happened at 70 that caused them to not be able to handle the house? My parents at 70 and live in a 4-5k sqft house, but I'm having a hard time convincing them to downsize. All the bedrooms and laundry are on the second level.

One parent developed a life limiting illness and the other parent didn't want to live in the "big house" alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on your health and how big your house is. If you have an 8000SF home in McLean, maybe you downsize when the kids are in college/done with college.

If you have a 3000 or 4000SF house with a first floor master suite, I would think there's no urgency unless you need the equity out of it or don't want to pay for cleaning and lawn care as you get older.

Lol, 3-4k sf house is not a small house. Particularly if you're cleaning it yourself.

I posted that- if the master is on the first floor, you don't use the second floor unless people are staying with you. My parents moved to a house like this and were fine until about age 70. In their case, they had laundry and the master bedroom on the main level, and the cleaners only did the second floor a few times a year (mostly just dusting).

What happened at 70 that caused them to not be able to handle the house? My parents at 70 and live in a 4-5k sqft house, but I'm having a hard time convincing them to downsize. All the bedrooms and laundry are on the second level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say maybe when you think you have 5-10 years of good health left? Don't wait until the last minute to do it.

Do it after 50ish

It's tough to predict the last 5-10.

People on this board are insane. Truly.

My father never downsized nor did he move from his 1400 sq ft home and died at 80. My brothers and I had a lot of hard work cleaning up so we could sell the house. My mother retired at 65 bought a 30 acre farm and worked that until she was 80...then had a stroke at 85..never downsized. More hard work getting her stuff sorted out and the property sold. My in-laws are in their early 80's with significant health issues and are only now downsizing and moving. Its been a tremendous strain on their health. My husband and I are in our late 50's - the kids will graduate college in the next few years - we are downsizing our stuff now - we have no plans to sell since we are in a ranch and it could be a great house to age in place in.

The downsizing is taking time but its so much better to manage this now when we have the health and energy. Plus the kids have been helpful when they come home going through their stuff. Who knows what our future holds, but I don't want to burden our kids the way my parents did with never taking the time to clean up their stuff.

Anonymous wrote:Instead of downsizing, just get rid of things. Make sure all the spare rooms have empty dressers and empty closets. Nothing in your attic.

💯 this. Healthy and have a first floor master suite, you can probably age in place for a while, but do the clean out while you are healthy and able.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No desire to ever do that but I live in a 2300 sqft home, not a mansion.

I am 60 and live in a 1500 sqft home, and my dream is to upsize. My house, which was cozy for raising children in, doesn't feel big enough for having adult children visit. I'd like a guest room with its own bath and a bigger family room.

Unfortunately, I can't afford to upsize in this area, so I'll just stay here. We're in a good location and I want a yard for the dog, so I'm not interested in moving to an apartment.

You never know what your relationship will be with daughter/son in laws and they may chose to stay in a hotel to keep things amicable. It's for the best you have a home that works for you.

My friend's parents built a mansion they could retire in and have huge family gatherings where everyone stayed with them. They also got in fights with all their adult kids over anything and everything and they spent decades in their mansion on their own. Eventually they did try to have large family gatherings, but they asked everyone to stay at hotels not in their mansion. It was strange.

?? We get along fine with our kids, no fighting whatsoever, and they visit frequently, even with our small home. The reason I'd like a real guest room with bath is for the comfort of future DILs so they won't have to go to a hotel if they don't want to. But if they prefer a hotel, that's fine. I'd still like a guest suite for when our siblings and friends visit. That **would be** a home that works for us--we enjoy having visitors and people seem to like us and the area we live in enough to visit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No desire to ever do that but I live in a 2300 sqft home, not a mansion.

I am 60 and live in a 1500 sqft home, and my dream is to upsize. My house, which was cozy for raising children in, doesn't feel big enough for having adult children visit. I'd like a guest room with its own bath and a bigger family room.

Unfortunately, I can't afford to upsize in this area, so I'll just stay here. We're in a good location and I want a yard for the dog, so I'm not interested in moving to an apartment.

You never know what your relationship will be with daughter/son in laws and they may chose to stay in a hotel to keep things amicable. It's for the best you have a home that works for you.

My friend's parents built a mansion they could retire in and have huge family gatherings where everyone stayed with them. They also got in fights with all their adult kids over anything and everything and they spent decades in their mansion on their own. Eventually they did try to have large family gatherings, but they asked everyone to stay at hotels not in their mansion. It was strange.

Anonymous wrote:No desire to ever do that but I live in a 2300 sqft home, not a mansion.

I am 60 and live in a 1500 sqft home, and my dream is to upsize. My house, which was cozy for raising children in, doesn't feel big enough for having adult children visit. I'd like a guest room with its own bath and a bigger family room.

Unfortunately, I can't afford to upsize in this area, so I'll just stay here. We're in a good location and I want a yard for the dog, so I'm not interested in moving to an apartment.

Anonymous wrote:I'd say maybe when you think you have 5-10 years of good health left? Don't wait until the last minute to do it.

Do it after 50ish

It's tough to predict the last 5-10.

We are slowly downsizing out stuff in our 50s. When we move for DH's job, we will rent a smaller place for a while and then eventually buy a smaller place. We still have kids at home, but by the time we purchase we will possibly have just 1 kid living at home or not. We want them to be able to visit comfortably, but our other priority is being able to age there for a long time before we move to a CCRC in out late 60s to early 70s.

We have lived the whole age in place thing with our parents, and it was a nightmare for us even once we outsourced everything. Not doing that to our kids. We want them to enjoy visiting us, not end up fighting and guilt tripping eachother only to end up estranged before or after we pass.