Anonymous
02/17/2026 11:38
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Anonymous wrote:Ughh…you’re the woman? If you think you are pissed now, wait four weeks. Dollars to donuts, he actually will change his body in four weeks as much as you did with six months of real effort. And the kicker, all he will do is cut out soda and alcohol and go to the gym 15 times.
This is so true. I'll work my a$$ off for months to try to shed 10 pounds, and my husband will decide tomorrow that he wants to lose 20 lbs and will seemingly do it by just walking around the neighborhood 2x per week for 2 weeks.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 11:36
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
I’d be annoyed he wasn’t in shape in the first place. I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect a baseline level of fitness and attractiveness as long as he is able.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 11:03
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
OP, you're being ridiculous and please have empathy for the other person. Weight loss/getting in shape, man or woman, is hard for many people.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 10:52
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would be sad if not getting in shape meant we couldn’t do an activity we both said we wanted. I would not have any feelings if this was purely about aesthetics.
This. We have a trip coming up that includes some beach time (including snorkeling) and some hiking, including at relatively high altitude with significant elevation gain. I don't really care how DH looks on the beach ... but I've told him flat-out that I'm doing the hike whether he's up for it or not (I'm already training, he's not). My biggest fear honestly is that he won't train, but will decide he can do it anyway, and he'll struggle or get hurt. I'll leave him at the hotel while I go for a hike, but I won't abandon him on the trail. It will annoy me if we get halfway up and have to bail because he can't do it but insisted on trying.
What length or difficulty of hike does one need training for?
Anonymous
02/16/2026 17:28
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird to try to get into shape for a trip and weirder to get annoyed at someone for failing to do so.
Stop turning a good thing (a Caribbean vacation!) into a problem.
I agree with this.
Anonymous
02/16/2026 17:09
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Anonymous wrote:I would be sad if not getting in shape meant we couldn’t do an activity we both said we wanted. I would not have any feelings if this was purely about aesthetics.
This. We have a trip coming up that includes some beach time (including snorkeling) and some hiking, including at relatively high altitude with significant elevation gain. I don't really care how DH looks on the beach ... but I've told him flat-out that I'm doing the hike whether he's up for it or not (I'm already training, he's not). My biggest fear honestly is that he won't train, but will decide he can do it anyway, and he'll struggle or get hurt. I'll leave him at the hotel while I go for a hike, but I won't abandon him on the trail. It will annoy me if we get halfway up and have to bail because he can't do it but insisted on trying.
Anonymous
02/16/2026 17:07
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
I mean ...
Are you annoyed that your partner did not get into better shape for a beach vacation?
Or is there a history of deciding to tackle tough things as a couple and planning to support and motivate one another, but then you don't get that support and he completely flakes even though you have committed to working together?
Because if it's the first, you are the problem. If it's the second, then either he is the problem or you both are and the relationship isn't going to work.
Are you annoyed that your partner did not get into better shape for a beach vacation?
Or is there a history of deciding to tackle tough things as a couple and planning to support and motivate one another, but then you don't get that support and he completely flakes even though you have committed to working together?
Because if it's the first, you are the problem. If it's the second, then either he is the problem or you both are and the relationship isn't going to work.
Anonymous
02/16/2026 16:49
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
You could cancel the vacation because he didn't measure up to your expectations.
You can go to Caribbean after he leaves you.
You can go to Caribbean after he leaves you.
Anonymous
02/16/2026 16:29
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird to try to get into shape for a trip and weirder to get annoyed at someone for failing to do so.
Stop turning a good thing (a Caribbean vacation!) into a problem.
+1 what a bummer this trip sounds like
Anonymous
02/16/2026 16:14
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Anonymous wrote:Ughh…you’re the woman? If you think you are pissed now, wait four weeks. Dollars to donuts, he actually will change his body in four weeks as much as you did with six months of real effort. And the kicker, all he will do is cut out soda and alcohol and go to the gym 15 times.
There are still a lot of fat men out there so your theory doesn't work for every guy
Anonymous
02/16/2026 16:12
Subject: Re:Did not try to get in shape
That's a pretty short time frame for someone who is not physically able to handle snorkeling and a beach vacation. What are the health issues, exactly?
Anonymous
02/16/2026 16:09
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Unless he is obese, wheezing, with untreated high blood pressure or heart issues, he can snorkel just fine. Even obese but no cardio or pulmonary can snorkel just fine. He may be better at it than you, OP.
Anonymous
02/16/2026 15:03
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
Send him ai generated photos of what he could /should look like to meet your expectations.
If you are all that in reality seeing what you think is your “equal” should wake his ass up.
One month is not possible for anyone to get in shape if they are starting from zero. But 6 months for a non obese male is doable.
If you are all that in reality seeing what you think is your “equal” should wake his ass up.
One month is not possible for anyone to get in shape if they are starting from zero. But 6 months for a non obese male is doable.
Anonymous
02/16/2026 13:26
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
I understand OP's point of view. I think a calm discussion about wanting spouse to be more fit and attractive might be better than anger. These issues are really difficult. But everyone should remember that sexual attraction and marriage are both fragile. Look at all the sexless marriage posts. On the other hand, look at all the posts from middle aged divorced men who suddenly realize, after years of little or no sex with their disapproving wives that they can attract plenty of beautiful women even though the men are flabby.
Anonymous
02/16/2026 13:23
Subject: Did not try to get in shape
I would be sad if not getting in shape meant we couldn’t do an activity we both said we wanted. I would not have any feelings if this was purely about aesthetics.