Anonymous wrote:No big deal. It’s always crowded and chaotic, especially with roommates, and as long as one parent is there your DC will be fine. Remember, after their stuff is moved in and the bed is made up, it’s not unusual for kids to want their parents to head out anyway so they can start exploring and meeting people. There are lots of international students who do the whole move-in solo. Just plan on a follow up visit for parents weekend or sometime after they get settled in. It’s different than when we went off to school, now anything that’s missing for their room can be ordered off Amazon so their dorm room doesn’t need to be “perfect” right when they arrive. And don’t feel guilty about missing it- your job is what’s allowing them this opportunity to go off to college, and they will understand that.

This.

No big deal. Go for parents weekend, or in 4 years for graduation.

People need to stop shaming or guilting OP. We don’t know the nature of OP’s work commitment. What if OP needs to honor that work commitment so they can be free at some other point for an equally important family commitment? What if OP needs to carefully save up or ration their time off so they can have time off when needed later?

It’s a big milestone, and while there’s no one right answer for everyone, I think it’s more important than almost any work trip.

Unless you're a heart surgeon doing a transplant you need to go. Work can wait.

Anonymous wrote:I may have a work conflict. I don't want to miss the big weekend but this might be difficult to change. How bad is it to miss freshman move-in? Ok to arrive the Monday-Tuesday after? Spouse would be able to go.

Must you be from the 1980s or 90s? This is how it used to be done. Throw the kid in the pool and move on.

I have no idea how your child would feel, or what the work conflict is, and typically I don't like to give a one-size-fits-all answer. But, I wouldn't have wanted to miss it for anything. Logistically, it was easier to have more of us toting things in from the car, helping to unload, running out to get something we forgot, etc. Emotionally, it was helpful to our DD to have me there to make conversation with her new roommate's parents while my husband built the nightstand and fooled with other things. She also knew that we were there for her and that this was a huge event for our family. Every family is different, but she depends on each of us for different things and it was nice that she had both of our undivided attention.

When we said goodbye to our daughter (our oldest, so she was the first to leave the nest), I'm really glad my husband and I had each other. We were sad, excited, and anxious and it was really nice to go out for a drink and dinner and process the day together.

Anonymous wrote:I may have a work conflict. I don't want to miss the big weekend but this might be difficult to change. How bad is it to miss freshman move-in? Ok to arrive the Monday-Tuesday after? Spouse would be able to go.

I had a work conflict when my DD moved in, so my husband handled it. It was fine. While I was sad I couldn’t be there, it’s just how things had to be. (For those of you who think people can just change work priorities, it’s sometimes not that easy or simply cannot be done.)

OP, I went with my DD to visit the school after she had been admitted, and my DH did the move-in. My DD also wanted full control of her room decorations, so I wasn’t needed in that regard! If she wants you to come a few days later, that’s great — but, she might be well on her way to independence by then.

I read the original post from my perspective as a single parent and my first thought is, “You need to go!” I see that the OP mentioned that the other parent would be there so that’s fine. If you can’t get out the work thing, it’s fine you can visit in a few weeks for parent’s weekend. While I’d love to put my kid first, if that work requirement wasn’t something I could change, that comes first in my world. My job is the only thing paying for college.

Depends on the kid. DD really would have been upset if I wasn't there (she and DH tend to butt heads a lot). DS would have been totally fine with just DH. Logistically, at DS's huge college it was a big help to have two adults along but at DD's small college that wasn't an issue.

Definitely don't go a few days later - they should be immersed in orientation and it would be weird to have a parent there. Go for parent weekend.

It’s ok to not go and your child will understand as long as another parent can go.

I was surprised when a friend said she was staying back with the two younger kids bc both kids had other commitments…one was high school varsity soccer tryouts. I was very shocked and almost judgmental but then quickly realize how in awe I was of the mom to be so strong with her eldest daughter going off to college! And I know how these tryouts work and as much as some coaches say they won’t hold it against for missing a day of tryouts, they do. The mom went to visit a few weekends after and had their own bonding time.

Unless your child really cares, I would plan a visit a few weeks later or parents weekend (though honestly we avoided parents weekends due to crowds)

It’s ok. You will be sad a little bit.

If one parent is there, ok

It's OK. My son had Covid on move-in day, and because he had a single room that year, didn't miss the date but wore a mask for the entire week, which hurt his social start.

You can visit him later, OP. Let your spouse take care of things. It will all be fine.

No big deal. Not even a little deal. Kid isn’t going off to explore Saturn, FFS.