Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 17:21     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Other things contribute to the kinds of friendships that start when you are in elementary or middle school and last into adulthood. Not just going to school together but also: family compatibility, geographic proximity, and having the same or at least complimentary interests.

I went to the school with the same people from kindergarten through high school but all of my friends from K-12 are from high school because that is when I got involved with two serious extracurriculars and met people who were similarly passionate about them. If I ran into my friends from elementary and MS, we'd be happy to see each other and catch up, but we don't stay in touch in the same way because we didn't have that intense bonding that comes from spending every day together after school for months and months.

Of my friends from HS, one transferred to our school as a sophomore after moving from out of state, two attended a different MS from me (one of whom was actually a year behind me in school), and one had gone to school with me since K but I honestly don't remember a single conversation prior to our freshman year of high school.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 17:08     Subject: Re:Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for these responses, they are helpful and largely seem to support, not trying to add the potential for long-term friendships to the list of criteria and evaluating public versus private school starting from kindergarten.

There are a couple of responses here that are intentionally inflammatory and clearly generalizations. I am ignoring those. I will look forward to reading other responses that come in from parents who were actually in this situation 20-40 years ago.

DCUM continues to be so very helpful, thank you.


I have a situation where I was in and out of private schools.

Started out in Catholic school K-3, public 4-6, Catholic 7-8, public 9-11, started 12th at Catholic, finished at original public HS. All three Catholic schools were different (two K-8s and a 9-12). All in the same suburban Midwest area. I have lived in DMV most of my adult life and am 50 now.

I have a handful of HS friends all from the public school I graduated from, mostly at the Facebook level now, but I would be happy to see them if we were in each other's town. Some of the K-8 Catholic schools kids ended up at my public HS, I was probably friendly with them in HS, but definitely not friends now. They were never a primary friend group after 8th grade.

My closest friends now are those I have made in the last 20y as we had things in common with work, neighborhood, kids' activities, etc.


Why so much switching?
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 16:44     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
I went to a Catholic preK to 8 all the way through. We then fed into a high school along with several other preK to 8s. All of my friends that I am still close to are people I met in 9th grade from the other schools, sans my best friend from when I was little.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 15:34     Subject: Re:Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for these responses, they are helpful and largely seem to support, not trying to add the potential for long-term friendships to the list of criteria and evaluating public versus private school starting from kindergarten.

There are a couple of responses here that are intentionally inflammatory and clearly generalizations. I am ignoring those. I will look forward to reading other responses that come in from parents who were actually in this situation 20-40 years ago.

DCUM continues to be so very helpful, thank you.


I have a situation where I was in and out of private schools.

Started out in Catholic school K-3, public 4-6, Catholic 7-8, public 9-11, started 12th at Catholic, finished at original public HS. All three Catholic schools were different (two K-8s and a 9-12). All in the same suburban Midwest area. I have lived in DMV most of my adult life and am 50 now.

I have a handful of HS friends all from the public school I graduated from, mostly at the Facebook level now, but I would be happy to see them if we were in each other's town. Some of the K-8 Catholic schools kids ended up at my public HS, I was probably friendly with them in HS, but definitely not friends now. They were never a primary friend group after 8th grade.

My closest friends now are those I have made in the last 20y as we had things in common with work, neighborhood, kids' activities, etc.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 15:25     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
I have a college sophomore who started private at 9th grade who has great friends from neighborhood schools, sports she participated in, and high school.

At the moment, I would say the closest friends in the strongest group are the high school friends. They spend a lot of quality time together when they are home for breaks. This is a group up to 10 (boys and girls) who do things in any combination of them. My daughter would call any one of them to join her to do something any time. HS graduating class around 90 if that is of interest.

Most of the neighborhood friends have fallen off. She has 1-2 in constant contact, others she is happy to join in a group, but that she never initiates the contact, it takes the connection of the couple friends she still has.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 15:01     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
I was a lifer at another city private school in the time horizon you mentioned. Of my 10 close friends, half of them are friends from when I was in elementary school and the other half are from college. It's true that you can't totally game friendships as other posters have mentioned. But I disagree with the premise that it's a stupid reason to consider applying for elementary school, among all the other factors. These lifelong friends have been an immeasurable gift, and I would be so happy if my child got to experience the same. And for what it's worth I don't think the lifers at my school were exclusionary, and I made new friends as people joined at entry years, but it's interesting that decades later the ones I am closest with are the oldest.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 14:57     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
I went to public (private for a few years in the middle because my family briefly moved with the intention of coming back to the same area). I’m still best friends with all my friends from kindergarten (public). I wouldn’t trade the experience of life long friends since early childhood for anything in the world. It’s deeper than family.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 14:42     Subject: Re:Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
OP here.

Thank you for these responses, they are helpful and largely seem to support, not trying to add the potential for long-term friendships to the list of criteria and evaluating public versus private school starting from kindergarten.

There are a couple of responses here that are intentionally inflammatory and clearly generalizations. I am ignoring those. I will look forward to reading other responses that come in from parents who were actually in this situation 20-40 years ago.

DCUM continues to be so very helpful, thank you.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 12:47     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.



Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.


Okay? That’s clearly not what OP described of her school situation. Try to stay on topic.



Try to keep up. It was a direct response to the prior comment in the thread. Your comment was the only one off topic and makes you sound like a twat. If you have trouble making friends in life, do some self reflection because it is obvious to everyone else why.


Such an unhinged comment.



But were they wrong? The self appointed hall monitor deserves a wedgie.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 12:43     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.



Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.


Okay? That’s clearly not what OP described of her school situation. Try to stay on topic.



Try to keep up. It was a direct response to the prior comment in the thread. Your comment was the only one off topic and makes you sound like a twat. If you have trouble making friends in life, do some self reflection because it is obvious to everyone else why.


Such an unhinged comment.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 12:36     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.



Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.


Okay? That’s clearly not what OP described of her school situation. Try to stay on topic.



Try to keep up. It was a direct response to the prior comment in the thread. Your comment was the only one off topic and makes you sound like a twat. If you have trouble making friends in life, do some self reflection because it is obvious to everyone else why.


Twat poster alert


Lol +1. Deranged individual.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 12:34     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Public is better for Math oriented kids and college acceptances.

If you don't care about either of those have at it private will be financially stupid but you do you.

No worries your kids do not need an education anyway. Republicans have proven that.



Why is private financially stupid? Do you value your kid’s time, experiences, and outcome in life? What is the value of that?


1. We have fantastic public schools in the state of MD for an average family private is financially stupid. Especially if you do a religious based one. Those monies could pay for a better college. Which by the way college outcomes are better from public.

2. Religious privates are indoctrination centers which are lacking in math and science gee wiz paying for a school lacking in teaching subjects is genius.

3. Of course not all kids can succeed in public then yes private is worth it. Otherwise there is not one school in the DMV as a private that is better than our local public schools especially in MATH & SCIENCE.

4. "Experiences" "Outcomes" My kids went to MIT< Stanford and Yale from our local publics. They were accepted at most Ivies and excellent colleges like CMU, Georgia Tech, UVA, Michigan, UNC, University of Chicago, and many others so where is the problem for publics with acceptances like that? Six kids which by the way we could afforded for them to all go to Private school easily without any hardship what so ever. They had great friends and local community support. Now in their bank accounts all the monies we would have spent on privates we set up a trust for each of them. Yeah we understand finances are important as is a great education which is what they all got.




You are focused on all the wrong stuff.

You say the money for private school could pay for a better college. There is no trade off for most of us. You just pay for K-12 and you pay for college. K-12 is more important actually.


You think math and science is better in public? Based on what exactly? Many privates offer multiple classes beyond multi variable calculus / linear algebra, however I’m not sure what exactly you were saying in the first place.

Regarding outcomes, we are not talking about college acceptances. We are talking about 10-20 years post college. An MIT degree kid could have a terrible outcome while a SLAC grad could be worth $100M+. The college acceptance mindset is all wrong.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 12:27     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I started a private high school in 9th with so many lifers (not in DC, so more lifers because fewer privates) and my best friends are all from high school.

I don’t think you can game it. Just do what you think is best for your kids. Personally as someone who has a lower school child in private, I would not start in K. I would start in public until it doesn’t work for your child. Save your money until then because $50-$60K to start in K is a lot.



Kids turn out differently when you start in public elementary rather than private. Different classmates, different learned behaviors, different experiences. These shape kids. For example, at our public elementary kids are kicking each other when teacher isn’t looking starting in first grade. 30 kids in a class with about 5 very disruptive ones. At what point does public no longer work? Even K would not be acceptable to me.

Lol private school kids kick under the table too.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 12:09     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
You can’t really game this. You never know where and when your kids will make friends, as is clear from the PPs. My own anecdata - I was a lifer at a private school and I’m still super close with my group from there. My brother was a lifer and didn’t make many friends there and isn’t friends with any of those kids now.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2026 12:06     Subject: Question for parents who switched to private school in middle or high school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Public is better for Math oriented kids and college acceptances.

If you don't care about either of those have at it private will be financially stupid but you do you.

No worries your kids do not need an education anyway. Republicans have proven that.



Why is private financially stupid? Do you value your kid’s time, experiences, and outcome in life? What is the value of that?


1. We have fantastic public schools in the state of MD for an average family private is financially stupid. Especially if you do a religious based one. Those monies could pay for a better college. Which by the way college outcomes are better from public.

2. Religious privates are indoctrination centers which are lacking in math and science gee wiz paying for a school lacking in teaching subjects is genius.

3. Of course not all kids can succeed in public then yes private is worth it. Otherwise there is not one school in the DMV as a private that is better than our local public schools especially in MATH & SCIENCE.

4. "Experiences" "Outcomes" My kids went to MIT< Stanford and Yale from our local publics. They were accepted at most Ivies and excellent colleges like CMU, Georgia Tech, UVA, Michigan, UNC, University of Chicago, and many others so where is the problem for publics with acceptances like that? Six kids which by the way we could afforded for them to all go to Private school easily without any hardship what so ever. They had great friends and local community support. Now in their bank accounts all the monies we would have spent on privates we set up a trust for each of them. Yeah we understand finances are important as is a great education which is what they all got.



What fantastic public schools do we have?

Please don’t say MCPS.