Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op why are you asking?

Op - we go back and forth with thinking it makes sense for DH to get a different job and thinking that any different job will just be the same stress/work but lower paying. Due to the nature of his work it all pretty much is stressful.

It doesn’t make sense for me to quit my job and be a SAHM. My job is not stressful, pays pretty well and I have great health insurance and a pension.

So your personal job situation is perfect, don't change anything. It really is on DH to decide for his situation and for you to support him if he takes a lower paying job.

My DH is in same boat. Unless he drops down to a job equivalent to yours, it will be demanding and stressful, which is pretty typical for any job paying more than a quarter of a million dollars.

Anonymous wrote:We did B because my H wanted to raise his kid and see them and be fully engaged.

Does your H want to see his kids, most men don't care to.

Yet another idiotic and misandry-laden post. What is the matter with everyone here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op why are you asking?

Op - we go back and forth with thinking it makes sense for DH to get a different job and thinking that any different job will just be the same stress/work but lower paying. Due to the nature of his work it all pretty much is stressful.

It doesn’t make sense for me to quit my job and be a SAHM. My job is not stressful, pays pretty well and I have great health insurance and a pension.

So your personal job situation is perfect, don't change anything. It really is on DH to decide for his situation and for you to support him if he takes a lower paying job.

Anonymous wrote:Op - also to clarify DH is a big law partner. He does have a little more leeway with his schedule now so he makes most of kids big events but it’s still stressful.

He is worried about going in house would be still stressful but take a 50-60% pay cut. He works with in house lawyers. They are still stressed. As are government lawyers.

We are entering a recession, and in-house lawyers are often viewed as a cost center, making them targets for AI-driven reductions. Being a government lawyer is particularly challenging right now. Considering his current position, it’s best for him to focus on retirement rather than transitioning to another job—unless it’s something drastically different, like becoming a teacher or professor.

I mean to a degree, stress is a choice. If he feels trapped in the job and the stress is too much, has he tried talking to a therapist about coping strategies? Daily exercise? Prioritizing rest and staying away from booze? All of these things could help significantly.

Op - also to clarify DH is a big law partner. He does have a little more leeway with his schedule now so he makes most of kids big events but it’s still stressful.

He is worried about going in house would be still stressful but take a 50-60% pay cut. He works with in house lawyers. They are still stressed. As are government lawyers.

Anonymous wrote:People don't accidently end up in such a high paying, stressful job accidentally. Since that much money is not needed to support a family and live a comfortable life style they are driven by the stress and greed (or horrendous financial planning). No matter what they say, it is what they want.

We switched from A to B and it is better. I, the mom, was the DH in OP’s scenario and I wanted to be more hands on at home. Now I am. Yes it took conscious adjustment to how I work but I was excited to have the opportunity to adjust.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op why are you asking?

Op - we go back and forth with thinking it makes sense for DH to get a different job and thinking that any different job will just be the same stress/work but lower paying. Due to the nature of his work it all pretty much is stressful.

It doesn’t make sense for me to quit my job and be a SAHM. My job is not stressful, pays pretty well and I have great health insurance and a pension.

This seems to pretty much answer the question. The only thing worse than a well paying stressful job is a less well paying stressful job.

You’ll miss the money more than you think. Choose instead to save as much as you can so DH can retire early or get some household help to make things easier at home.

People don't accidently end up in such a high paying, stressful job accidentally. Since that much money is not needed to support a family and live a comfortable life style they are driven by the stress and greed (or horrendous financial planning). No matter what they say, it is what they want.

Anonymous wrote:Op why are you asking?

Op - we go back and forth with thinking it makes sense for DH to get a different job and thinking that any different job will just be the same stress/work but lower paying. Due to the nature of his work it all pretty much is stressful.

It doesn’t make sense for me to quit my job and be a SAHM. My job is not stressful, pays pretty well and I have great health insurance and a pension.

Op why are you asking?

"Scenario D
DW keeps the job she has
DH finds a less demanding job and takes a pay cut and you both figure out how to live on a lower HHI.
You don’t get this time back with your kids. You need to prioritize family over income."

+9,000,000

The ideal would be for DH to take a less demanding job and DW to stay in her current job.

The key to a decent family life is both patents home by 6, ideally st least one by 4 to make dinner etc. But if the dinner maker also have activities drop offs its kind of a mess.

With $800k, and the DW works at home, who is unhappy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did have some telework that increased over time and after Covid. . Yes, it’s key which is why the dual fed thing sucks right now. We each had been going in 3-4 days since kids were in early elementary so we alternated and were both only gone one to two days for longer days. I went in. We did have SACC but kids didn’t go for too long on a given day. I would go in early and be home by 5, DH got home around 6:15. We were lucky to have an elementary school with an earlier start.

Oh yeah an 8am start would be a game changer. Morning SACC makes for a very long day, they just sit in cafeteria, no playground or gym or anything.

Yes, our bus came at 8, or maybe it was even a little earlier, so DH got them on the bus and then left. It was just luck - neighboring schools have much later start times. Going to SACC after school a few times a week for 90 minutes or up to 2 hrs or so was manageable. They didn’t love it but it wasn’t awful either. They sometimes got homework done, socialized a bit etc…our school also offered various afterschool activities through the pta so sometimes they had one of those on a given day of the week.