Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 08:48     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
Maybe she thinks that Valentine's Day is a meaningless Hallmark holiday. You say you often plan nice dates for the two of you--I'm sure she appreciates that, as well as the everyday kindnesses you likely show her. Ask her out for another day. The date doesn't matter, it's the spirit of loving kindness that does.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 08:48     Subject: Re:Busy on Valentines Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let me guess.. she's in her late 30s? She's already built a life around her friends, and they come first.


OP here. Yes, this is the case. I’m realizing I wrote 2 months but it’s actually been 3 months. I’m not sure if I should wait more or just figure we don’t want the same thing.
Feb 14 is just a day. You can take her on a date in the 11th or the 16th and still be romantic.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 08:47     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
Anonymous wrote:She's watching women's basketball? I think she's a lesbian. In any case, she's just not that into you.


I assumed they were lesbians and OP was a woman.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 08:45     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
If you are feeling like her friends, hobby, job, etc. all come before you, then that’s just who she is. If that isn’t what you are looking for, then find someone else. Otherwise, you two will just make each other miserable. She will always feeling like you are smothering her, and you will always feel like she is retreating from you.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 08:42     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
It's lame to bail on friends for a guy. Most of us learn this lesson in middle school.

And a late-30s woman is probably past the point of wanting to make a big deal over VDay, so just ask her to dinner on the 13th instead.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 08:00     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
Anonymous wrote:She's watching women's basketball? I think she's a lesbian. In any case, she's just not that into you.


I watch women’s basketball. Softball, too. I am male. Does that make me a lesbian?

Can we not with these ridiculous tropes?
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 07:57     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
She’s just not that into you.

She might be put off by someone having such strong feelings about having to observe a Hallmark holiday.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 07:52     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
She’s not into you
Seeing others
Valentines isn’t a big deal to her

Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 07:26     Subject: Re:Busy on Valentines Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let me guess.. she's in her late 30s? She's already built a life around her friends, and they come first.


OP here. Yes, this is the case. I’m realizing I wrote 2 months but it’s actually been 3 months. I’m not sure if I should wait more or just figure we don’t want the same thing.


Seems like an overreaction to breakup over Valentine’s Day. She could have made these plans a few weeks ago, when you first started dating and she didn’t want to presume you’d do something big that early on. Is it really that big of a deal to celebrate it on a different day?


She shouldn’t have assumed they’d do something on Vday. But once she got the invite she should’ve accepted. I would if I liked someone. I can watch tv with my friends anytime.


I’m assuming OP asked today (Feb 4). That’s only 10 days before V Day. He should have asked earlier. She correctly assumed they weren’t doing anything, OP waiting too long, she made other plans. It would be rude for her to cancel those and also set a bad precedent that OP can wait to make plans and she’ll accommodate him.

I’ve been dating my BF 5 months and we made plans for V Day mid January.



Ding ding ding.

Especially since it's a Saturday night.

Also, going out for Valentine's Day is amateur hour. It's generally an awful experience.

And be glad she doesn't treat her friends like backup plans and cancel on them because a boy asked her out.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 07:25     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
Talk to her. Valentines Day is not a big deal to me. The two of you just need to get on the same page. You assumed she would want to do something and she may have viewed it as just a Friday evening. Either way is okay but you have to tell each other what is important to each of you. The other person has no way of knowing.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 07:18     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's just not into Valentines Day. Most adults realize Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday when overcrowded restaurants overcharge for mediocre fixed price menus. She's doing you a favor.


This. I remember making some sort of lame excuse to my then-boyfriend of 8 weeks (now husband of 18 yrs) that I had to study....then had a Sex in the City marathon with my roommates. Vday is a lot of pressure for a new relationship. And I felt that way at 26. Luckily my bf didn't get offended and we just had dinner a few days later.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 06:59     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
Anonymous wrote:Schedule something for Sunday. Easy, done. You should be happy she has friends and a life. They probably planned this when you were in the early stages of dating. Plus as a woman I would think spending Valentine’s Day with someone in the few months of a relationship would be way too intense.

This. Do the 13th or 15th.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 06:33     Subject: Re:Busy on Valentines Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let me guess.. she's in her late 30s? She's already built a life around her friends, and they come first.


OP here. Yes, this is the case. I’m realizing I wrote 2 months but it’s actually been 3 months. I’m not sure if I should wait more or just figure we don’t want the same thing.


I was in the opposite position last year when the guy I’d been with for 6 months went on a golf trip with his friends on Valentine’s Day and said it didn’t matter because all his friends were married and their wives don’t care (he was a perma-bachelor, no relationships in his life over 6 months). I had to explain that Valentine’s Day falls on that weekend (Presidents’ Day) every 10-12 years and his friends with 20+ year marriages aren’t just starting to build a life with someone. Come around to this year and he skipped the trip and has bought an engagement ring. So, people can change, but only if something is worth it to them.


Is the ring for you?
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 06:19     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
I think you can do better because she is not a catch. A woman in her late 30s never married who would rather spend time with friends than her bf yeah she is not a catch. Let her drown in her delusional mind that she is such a catch that snapping her fingers in her late 30s mind you will usher in an army of tall beautiful and rich men who will fight among each other for the one in a lifetime pleasure to date her.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 05:49     Subject: Busy on Valentines Day
Ask her for a valentines date the night before, see what happens

FWIW dh and I are happily married and we have never made a big deal about Valentine’s Day. It’s not a requirement for a good relationship.