Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Inheritance should not be the priority. And, it should be his choice, if he has money, depending on the relationship. He is no longer your husband and has very limited time with the kids. You moved on, why can’t he?

I would be very hurt if one of my parents left the country and focused 100 percent of their time and resources on a new relationship.
My parents are divorced. Both have found new partners. My dad is involved in our lives, but my mom has not made it a priority. I don’t dwell on it, but it hurts. I don’t know why you think it’s cool.

Anonymous wrote:Ex hasn't even moved yet. OP has no idea how much or how little the kids will interact with their father. Kids are adults who will be making their own decisions about communication and visiting with parents. There is something called what's app. It is very cheap and easy to use for international communication.

OP, keep this dialogue in your head. If kids bring it up as a concern, talk about it as an opportunity for them to visit a different country and culture and get to travel. You have a lot of completely unnecesary anxiety around this. Your "kids" are adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Inheritance should not be the priority. And, it should be his choice, if he has money, depending on the relationship. He is no longer your husband and has very limited time with the kids. You moved on, why can’t he?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Inheritance should not be the priority. And, it should be his choice, if he has money, depending on the relationship. He is no longer your husband and has very limited time with the kids. You moved on, why can’t he?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex says he doesn’t want to live here anymore and plans to move to another country and marry a woman he met there while working. This would happen as soon as our kids turn 18.
I am quite sure this will be devastating for our kids, even when they become adults. I’m 47 and my dad is a very important part of my life and I don’t see that kind of relationship happening between kids and ex if ex moves to another country.

It hits hard, especially since we moved to this area when the kids were little (away from my family) in order for ex to live his best life in his dream job. And now the kids are teens, and this is all they know.

I know there isn’t really anything I can do about it. It isn’t so much about his repartnering (as I have also repartnered) but his moving to another country 14 hour flight away and potentially starting a new family (even though he really doesn’t want more kids)
I just feel this is going to be much harder on the kids than if this woman were to move here, but she seems to have a good life where she is and does not want to.

Anyone BTDT?

You and your children are better off without a man this
selfish and self centered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex says he doesn’t want to live here anymore and plans to move to another country and marry a woman he met there while working. This would happen as soon as our kids turn 18.
I am quite sure this will be devastating for our kids, even when they become adults. I’m 47 and my dad is a very important part of my life and I don’t see that kind of relationship happening between kids and ex if ex moves to another country.

It hits hard, especially since we moved to this area when the kids were little (away from my family) in order for ex to live his best life in his dream job. And now the kids are teens, and this is all they know.

I know there isn’t really anything I can do about it. It isn’t so much about his repartnering (as I have also repartnered) but his moving to another country 14 hour flight away and potentially starting a new family (even though he really doesn’t want more kids)
I just feel this is going to be much harder on the kids than if this woman were to move here, but she seems to have a good life where she is and does not want to.

Anyone BTDT?

You and your children are better off without a man this
selfish and self centered.

Anonymous wrote:Ex says he doesn’t want to live here anymore and plans to move to another country and marry a woman he met there while working. This would happen as soon as our kids turn 18.
I am quite sure this will be devastating for our kids, even when they become adults. I’m 47 and my dad is a very important part of my life and I don’t see that kind of relationship happening between kids and ex if ex moves to another country.

It hits hard, especially since we moved to this area when the kids were little (away from my family) in order for ex to live his best life in his dream job. And now the kids are teens, and this is all they know.

I know there isn’t really anything I can do about it. It isn’t so much about his repartnering (as I have also repartnered) but his moving to another country 14 hour flight away and potentially starting a new family (even though he really doesn’t want more kids)
I just feel this is going to be much harder on the kids than if this woman were to move here, but she seems to have a good life where she is and does not want to.

Anyone BTDT?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

She's also probably concerned about the child support/income for her as it stops at 18. Dad can help kids directly.

OP here. Child support already stops at 18, so what does this have to do with anything?

Read the post, she was worried about money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

She's also probably concerned about the child support/income for her as it stops at 18. Dad can help kids directly.

OP here. Child support already stops at 18, so what does this have to do with anything?