Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds sketchy. How has it not come up that he was f***ing your best friend right before you got together? Gross.

OP here- she wasn’t my best friend and my husband and I have never spoken in detail about past relationships especially anything short term. She has always had some insecurities so this may be part of it.

But she was a friend? Did he know that? I find his line to be BS. He knew you'd be upset about it so he never told you.

+1
He's sus AF.

I bet hindsight is 20/20 now OP. Has she been following you on social? I wonder what indicators do you recall that you may have dismissed in the past that now make sense.

I had a case of very painful shingles that I eventually had to seek medical help for.
I don't recall the name of the drug, but it took away my inhibitions to say really just everything. i.e. I was stopped by over a half dzn LEO with one being an attractive female. I ignored the other cops and flirted with her relentlessly. So much so that the other male cops I think were in shock and said nothing. As well as her not rebuking me. In hindsight, very embarrassing being a married man. I'm dumbfounded they didn't suspect me of being on drugs. That's just one example of several others. Patients should be warned to stay out of public during treatment and off of long distance phone calls to friends.

Anonymous wrote:Last night I was in the phone with an old friend. We haven’t lived near each other in 30 years but we do get together every five years or so. I was talking about my husband and she casually mentioned that she had had a two week fling with him just before he and I started dating. Before I could say anything she provided some graphic detail about it. I said “really, I never heard about it.” Then she said well that’s your problem, not mine. Why would she bring this up 30 years later?When I asked my husband about it he said yes but talking about ex GFs wasn’t his thing and that I never talked about mine which is true. I can’t imagine telling an old friend that I had banged her husband many years ago. Why would someone do that?

Personally I think the MUCH bigger issue is that you’re married to a man who kept this secret for 30 years. WTF. I get that you don’t talk a lot about exes, but surely it was really on HIM as your partner to mention this.

I can’t believe the misogyny on this chain with everyone bashing the woman.

I find the rush to cut this friend off really weird but not so atypical of the weird DCUM crowd who aren’t able to navigate conflict.

First, it was before you were married. Second, it’s possible it’s been weighing on her for years and she wanted to find a time to unburden herself when it felt safe (you’re long married, no chance of an affair with her). Maybe it was dumb or thoughtless of her, but I wouldn’t assume evil intent.

If it’s really truly bothering you, ask her. If you aren’t brave enough to ask her, I don’t think it makes sense to cut her off for this. But that’s me.

OP, take a deep breath and put on your thinking cap.

I get your anger and your desire to end the friendship, but you have more investigating to do.

You need to call your friend back and be very sweet, patient, and charming as you explore with her why she told you what she did. You need to make her feel safe in case there is something she knows that you should know as well.

She might have been trying to warn you that your husband keeps secrets from you that you really should know.

Something made her think of this fling and decided to tell you at this point. She might be a hater, or she might be someone who doesn't know how to tell you some very bad news and is dropping awkward hints instead.

Unless you prefer walking around as a fool and want to risk looking back years from now and wishing you had caught the hints, I would do more sleuthing here.

You can always drop her as a friend later, but if you burn the bridge now, you can't always go back and get the information that you should've had. Finish your homework first and then decide on the friendship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are really the worst to each other. Sorry, OP.

Don’t parrot this misogynistic lie. This is irrelevant to OP’s post.

OP, time to cut ties. She’s weird.

It is actually 100% relevant to OP's post. OP's friend said something to her to purposely hurt her. There was no other reason than that.
The reality is that overall many women are not supportive of one another in everyday occurrences and instead can be quite competitive. They are more emotionally competitive than most men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds sketchy. How has it not come up that he was f***ing your best friend right before you got together? Gross.

OP here- she wasn’t my best friend and my husband and I have never spoken in detail about past relationships especially anything short term. She has always had some insecurities so this may be part of it.

This would be the end of the friendship, period. She wanted to unsettle you (at best) and/or inflict pain (at worst). Providing graphic details and then blaming you for not knowing suggests she already decided the friendship was over and was blowing it up. I'm sorry. That's not nice.

This. I have never purposefully said something hurtful to a friend and I couldn't be friends with someone who would do something. This isn't a situation where she told you your husband is currently having an affair or another shoot the messenger type situation, this was done to be hurtful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds sketchy. How has it not come up that he was f***ing your best friend right before you got together? Gross.

OP here- she wasn’t my best friend and my husband and I have never spoken in detail about past relationships especially anything short term. She has always had some insecurities so this may be part of it.

But she was a friend? Did he know that? I find his line to be BS. He knew you'd be upset about it so he never told you.

Anonymous wrote:She should have just chosen to take this to her grave.
Because no good can come from this information being resurrected after so many years. 🤨

I cannot imagine why your friend chose to share all this now - - could it be possible that she is jealous of you?
Or could she possibly have romantic feelings toward your husband??

Maybe she felt guilty about it? Sometimes information like this eats away at you. I agree that both your DH and she should have told you about it before. Not disclosing info about partners makes sense, but not if it is someone your partner is close to, then it should be talked about. Otherwise, if you find out years later, you feel even stranger about it.

whenever I meet a guy, if he has a female friend who hangs around, I assume they’ve had sex but didn’t work out

Honestly, your DH did ok by not blowing up your friendship with this useless information. Thats exactly why he didn’t say anything. Female friendships are hard to come by because so many women are b!#€^£$ and he saw one he thought was harmless for his wife

It’s not her place to disclose that type of useless information at this point (happily married) to you unless you were already divorcing him. She isn’t even a close friend and has no access to your DH so why did she try to make it seem like this is something he should have told you when it isn’t? She’s a non mother fing factor that he hasn’t thought twice about

Anyways next

The issue isn’t with your husband, it’s with your “friendship.” How the F she thought sharing those details was appropriate…

Sounds like this friendship has run its course.

She should have just chosen to take this to her grave.
Because no good can come from this information being resurrected after so many years. 🤨

I cannot imagine why your friend chose to share all this now - - could it be possible that she is jealous of you?
Or could she possibly have romantic feelings toward your husband??

She is unhappy and wants to create drama so you’ll be unhappy too.

Anonymous wrote:My opinion is that she's having issues in her life and was hoping that mentioning it would cause issues in your life. Especially the part when she said its not her problem shows her character and I wouldn't claim this person as a friend.

+1