Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

So, wait, these aren't people you're very close to but you visit them, too? Make it make sense.

If there's some expectation of reciprocation, that's a different scenario than the one you set up, OP.

Reading skills are key.

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

No we don’t.

We say No

By secretly resenting just the act of asking, too many people are actually on a power trip. They deny the asker a genuine answer while they get to make fun of them.

Say no if your preference is no. I try to be of the mindset that anyone can ask anything. I'm not faulting them for asking something, no matter what it is. And I will say yes or no. And it will be genuine, without drama. That neither of us will hold resentment going forward, or snicker to others about, "how dare they ask to ..."

If instead someone holds resentment re: the no, so be it.

No one believes your white lies

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

It’s not snarky, you really just say no.

“Hi Aunt Jane. I’m sorry I am not able host your friends.”

You don't even need to say "I'm sorry." There's nothing to be apologetic about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Oh, that won’t work for me.”

“Unfortunately I can’t host these days. But I’d love to get together when you’re in town!”

That’s as gracious as you can get. Your family obviously does not care about your relationship if they are asking you to host people who are strangers to you. They are going to be put off regardless because rude, entitled people often are when they are told no.

Best you can do is be nice when you’re shutting it down and leave zero room for argument. If you say your space is too small, they’ll promise not to spread out (they will). If you say you’re too busy, they’ll promise to stay out of your way (they won’t). If you say you’re broke, they’ll offer to pay for a meal (they won’t and they’ll be secretly insulted at your lack of hospitality).

Just.Say.No.

They’re actually not rude entitled people. They just have very different ideas about staying with others. They host a lot themselves, including me and my family.

So, wait, these aren't people you're very close to but you visit them, too? Make it make sense.

If there's some expectation of reciprocation, that's a different scenario than the one you set up, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

Open hearts, open doors. All are welcome

This is what my family thinks.

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live? Who is offering your home? This is so odd.

Agree on a white lie.

It is not that odd to many people. Maybe to anti community DCUM people

Where do you live? Who is offering your home? This is so odd.

Agree on a white lie.

Spouse is from a smaller quasi-rural area about 4 hours away from our metro (think population of about 200,000; military base is the largest local employer).

Pretty much each summer for the first ten years of our marriage we hosted a different graduate student from spouse’s home town doing a summer internship in our metro. Neighbors, family friends, and church members. Everything from law school to physical therapy to occupational therapy.

We’ve also hosted families who have had to come to the metro for more intense cancer treatments and various other things.

No big deal to us, but we have always had the spare bedroom/bathroom capacity—so I might have felt differently under different circumstances. It takes a village.

Yes and I decline. It's usually people with poor boundaries who are takers who make such an ask. They think it's no trouble, but would never do it themselves.

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

Open hearts, open doors. All are welcome

Anonymous wrote:"No" is the kind response. You mess-up the dynamic when you are not genuine. People know. It's much worse for relationships. You When you fib. Or when you are resentful, and think it doesn't show. It does. No magic words, Op. You don't get to craft this response and fool people into thinking you mean something else.

Nah, there are ways to decline more elegantly. White lies exist for a reason.

"No" is the kind response. You mess-up the dynamic when you are not genuine. People know. It's much worse for relationships. You When you fib. Or when you are resentful, and think it doesn't show. It does. No magic words, Op. You don't get to craft this response and fool people into thinking you mean something else.

Anonymous wrote:Do you work from home?

Just say, “Sorry, I can’t. I’m not set up for that and I’m not comfortable hosting them here. But I’d be glad to meet up with them for dinner or provide recommendations if they need any.” Then pivot immediately to another topic.

If they push for any reason, which, if they are at all polite, they won’t, then repeat, “I’m not comfortable hosting them here. They and I would be more comfortable if they stayed at a hotel or an Airbnb.”

This just sounds weird