Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am retired, and live alone hours from her—but mine has not. Plus, she got annoyed that I was suggesting preparation plans to help her (re: car issues she is dealing with).

She does not “get” how nice it is to have someone looking out for your welfare.

(Trust me, as someone who feels very much on my own.)

Oh please. We have local and non local adult DC's. Preparation plans for me/us included non perishable food, flashlights etc, Pre storm bought extra stuff for local adult DCs/spouse/GC that was at a supermarket near me but sold out elsewhere. Asked us about getting us stuff also on their shopping expedition.

I hire services for pro plowing and any heavy shoveling. Signed contract with pro company. We're retired and live hours away from some retired relatives. Some are too cheap to hire plowers/shovelers pre weather event, They have sidewalks that require clearing and 1 is on a large corner lot. One cheap expects neighbors to clear.

So it sounds like you live under very different circumstances than OP, but you feel qualified to judge her. And your senior relatives. Got it.

I'm a senior and am qualified to judge my relatives . Adult DC 's spouse of one set of them asked one of my adult DCs about what we do for snow removal since they got an absurd comment from the person who doesn't want to hire a service.

If somebody lives far from someone else, other than emotional gratification what does "checking in them" do?

Is the person suddenly supposed to get you an Uber and hotel reservation to evacuate the home? Hire snow removal services? Order food and grocery delivery?

It’s all about how you raise them, spend time with them, and show them how to care for others.

We all checked in on each other before. And we’ve continued checking in each day. Everyone has food, power, and the pipes are not frozen.

Son texted saying "hey i heard snow storm coming your way". I said "yes, we should be okay" and that's about it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am retired, and live alone hours from her—but mine has not. Plus, she got annoyed that I was suggesting preparation plans to help her (re: car issues she is dealing with).

She does not “get” how nice it is to have someone looking out for your welfare.

(Trust me, as someone who feels very much on my own.)

Oh please. We have local and non local adult DC's. Preparation plans for me/us included non perishable food, flashlights etc, Pre storm bought extra stuff for local adult DCs/spouse/GC that was at a supermarket near me but sold out elsewhere. Asked us about getting us stuff also on their shopping expedition.

I hire services for pro plowing and any heavy shoveling. Signed contract with pro company. We're retired and live hours away from some retired relatives. Some are too cheap to hire plowers/shovelers pre weather event, They have sidewalks that require clearing and 1 is on a large corner lot. One cheap expects neighbors to clear.

So it sounds like you live under very different circumstances than OP, but you feel qualified to judge her. And your senior relatives. Got it.

I've checked on my parents, but they are also highly competent. They know how to prep for storm.

My mother bought her neighbor his favorite whiskey because he always shovels for her. And is baking him cookies as we speak! My dad (they are divorced) has decided to stay home until it melts. He might dig out 2 tire tracks in his driveway, about 5 feet at a time.

Your title suggests you are frustrated that your kid isn’t checking on you enough.

But the substance of your post is that she wasn’t interested in your unsolicited advice.

These are two very different things. You may need to think more about what is actually bothering you.

All 3 of mine showed concern for me, and I checked on my parent.

Not anything to do with today, but my late dad’s unofficial joke nickname in the family was “the weatherman” because he would see weather reports on TV and call all the relatives over in the Midwest to report on what was going to happen to them.

(They all had their own TVs)

It was like he wanted to participate in the weather drama.

His favorite thing was sitting outside on our house porch during a thunderstorm with beer and a cigar. Porch sitting. I sort of miss it. You don’t see that much anymore.

When he eventually retired to Florida in the early 90’s the inside joke was that he moved there FOR the hurricanes.

But yes when he lived further up north on the CT coast and I was still having to have weekly conversations with him every morning on Saturday at 7am he would get crazy upset when no one had called HIM about the hurricane threats asking if he was going to be OK ???!!

Anonymous wrote:I am retired, and live alone hours from her—but mine has not. Plus, she got annoyed that I was suggesting preparation plans to help her (re: car issues she is dealing with).

She does not “get” how nice it is to have someone looking out for your welfare.

(Trust me, as someone who feels very much on my own.)

Oh please. We have local and non local adult DC's. Preparation plans for me/us included non perishable food, flashlights etc, Pre storm bought extra stuff for local adult DCs/spouse/GC that was at a supermarket near me but sold out elsewhere. Asked us about getting us stuff also on their shopping expedition.

I hire services for pro plowing and any heavy shoveling. Signed contract with pro company. We're retired and live hours away from some retired relatives. Some are too cheap to hire plowers/shovelers pre weather event, They have sidewalks that require clearing and 1 is on a large corner lot. One cheap expects neighbors to clear.

When my dad was still alive I could check on them and even help them and it was appreciated and if mom somehow turned it into a negative experience, dad was on her case. Now any act of kindness with mom gets punished. She is angry about something/needs to vent/lash out/berate me for not calling an hour earlier. Anything kind I try to do is seen as an attack so no, I no longer check on her. I do have a team of people for her though because she will behave for strangers more often.

Anonymous wrote:If she's young, perhaps she has no memories of storm prep and is not in the right frame of mind to accept advice from you.

And/or, perhaps she's on the spectrum and has a difficult time putting herself in someone else's shoes. Our entire family is various shades of autistic, and some of my loved ones struggle with this, even though they love their family.

And/or, perhaps you want more attention and are more sensitive to perceived rejection than the average person, so you take offense very easily.

There is no way to know from your post what's going on exactly.

You are thoughtful and wise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a child's job to look after a parent until the child is fully grown and the adult is elderly

That is the scenario described by OP!

"Retired" doesn't mean dependent or needy. My father was active and able to prep for such events until he was 75 and was diagnosed with a serious illness.

OP has not explained that she is disabled or frail in any way. Indeed, just saying "retired" is kind of a give-away that she's full of self-pity but doesn't actually want to disclose that she's perfectly able to care for herself.

Yes, and it sounds kind of pathetic and petty. My 78 year old retired parents are currently up skiing in VT with friends, I haven't asked them if they are prepared for the storm because that would be a pedantic and weird thing to ask capable adults. I think the kind of parent posting on a public forum from a comfortable home in NoVa about perceived slights for not being fawned over for something like this is a different type though and it has little to do with their physical state.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a child's job to look after a parent until the child is fully grown and the adult is elderly

That is the scenario described by OP!

"Retired" doesn't mean dependent or needy. My father was active and able to prep for such events until he was 75 and was diagnosed with a serious illness.

OP has not explained that she is disabled or frail in any way. Indeed, just saying "retired" is kind of a give-away that she's full of self-pity but doesn't actually want to disclose that she's perfectly able to care for herself.