Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

No he's not doing productive things. He needs a job of some type. And he needs to pay rent and realize what living with a minimum wage job would be like.

But there is a happy medium between a$170k job and mental burnout and no job and just doing what you want all day (gym Spanish guitar etc)

Sounds like he might need some therapy as well. But nope you don't get to live with me and not hold a job

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 22-year-old son graduated from college in March 2025 and landed a very high-paying job—$170K plus stock options—with an AI startup. He left the job after only three months because, according to him, it was impacting his mental health. He has not worked for the past six months. Currently, he is living at home and spends most of his time at the gym, learning Spanish, and playing golf, guitar, and piano.

My husband wants him to get a job and move out of the house, but my son says he wants to spend another year 'finding' himself. My husband and son argue all the time over this; on Monday, it got so heated that my husband told him to leave. My son left and moved in with my estranged father, whom I have not spoken to in twenty years (I am his only child). My husband has asked me to talk to my father and ask him to kick my son out so that he is forced to find a job and live independently.

What would you do?

Are you still paying for his phone, car insurance, etc. If so, cut it off.

This is OP. I stopped paying for his phone, car insurance, gym membership, and golf fee last month. I heard that my father covers that cost and gives him an unlimited credit card.

OP, you began this thread asking what you should do about your estranged father supporting your 22 yo son. Most of the thread has been about whether you’re a troll and judgments about what kind of bad parenting must have led to this situation.

What you should do is text your son and see if he wants to meet for coffee. We are living in a time of unprecedented levels of estrangement. Do you want to be estranged from your son? Whatever is going on with him now, it’s not the time to exert control or cast judgement. Just listen. You aren’t paying anymore so your husband can relax about that. Focus on the relationship. Try to keep the lines of communication open.

Kids have been raised to believe they deserve everything, then they become adults and parents (rightfully) cut them off and expect them to make their own way. Only these kids have no idea how to make their own way. Parents, do better. Raise your kids to understand you have to work hard to succeed. Make them accountable. Don't baby them. And mothers were their sons, so desperate to keep them, like a desperate girlfriend chasing after a boy. Reflect. This is pathetic behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 22-year-old son graduated from college in March 2025 and landed a very high-paying job—$170K plus stock options—with an AI startup. He left the job after only three months because, according to him, it was impacting his mental health. He has not worked for the past six months. Currently, he is living at home and spends most of his time at the gym, learning Spanish, and playing golf, guitar, and piano.

My husband wants him to get a job and move out of the house, but my son says he wants to spend another year 'finding' himself. My husband and son argue all the time over this; on Monday, it got so heated that my husband told him to leave. My son left and moved in with my estranged father, whom I have not spoken to in twenty years (I am his only child). My husband has asked me to talk to my father and ask him to kick my son out so that he is forced to find a job and live independently.

What would you do?

Are you still paying for his phone, car insurance, etc. If so, cut it off.

This is OP. I stopped paying for his phone, car insurance, gym membership, and golf fee last month. I heard that my father covers that cost and gives him an unlimited credit card.

OP, you began this thread asking what you should do about your estranged father supporting your 22 yo son. Most of the thread has been about whether you’re a troll and judgments about what kind of bad parenting must have led to this situation.

What you should do is text your son and see if he wants to meet for coffee. We are living in a time of unprecedented levels of estrangement. Do you want to be estranged from your son? Whatever is going on with him now, it’s not the time to exert control or cast judgement. Just listen. You aren’t paying anymore so your husband can relax about that. Focus on the relationship. Try to keep the lines of communication open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

No, being a man of leisure is not productive. If he wants a year off, he should figure out a way to pay for it. Dad is entirely within his rights.

+1

Parents are enabling their children to be entitled, unproductive adults, in the same what a co-dependent person enables another to be an alcoholic or drug addict.

I blame the parents in many of these cases.

Agree. Sadly, I know quite a few cases like this. In my case, they all happen to be male.

+1. We have two of these in my family. Both men about 30. One is on his second master's degree (funded by his parents). Has never held a job longer than a year and will finish this master's degree in two years, landing in the job market as a 32 yo with no consistent work experience and resume gaps of 3-5 years. Married a hard working woman who makes good money. She and the parents will float him for life. The other has bounced from organic farming to social work to construction. Also is getting married and having an expensive destination wedding that his mother is paying for, somewhat involuntarily, as she is losing her memory and he is accessing her estate. The family is watching it and feels helpless to step in. He and his new fiancee plan in letting mom living the garage behind the home they're buying with her funds. They have been reminded of the 5 year look back period for Medicaid (as mom will likely need memory care in the next 2-3 years) and they have ignored it.

I have stayed 1000 miles away from both of these disasters.

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Anonymous wrote:I think you shot too high with the 170k income in your story

Yep….troll.

You know nothing. My DS graduated from Berkeley with a degree in CS in 2025, and he makes 275k with an AI startup.

Anonymous wrote:I think you shot too high with the 170k income in your story

Yep….troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 22-year-old son graduated from college in March 2025 and landed a very high-paying job—$170K plus stock options—with an AI startup. He left the job after only three months because, according to him, it was impacting his mental health. He has not worked for the past six months. Currently, he is living at home and spends most of his time at the gym, learning Spanish, and playing golf, guitar, and piano.

My husband wants him to get a job and move out of the house, but my son says he wants to spend another year 'finding' himself. My husband and son argue all the time over this; on Monday, it got so heated that my husband told him to leave. My son left and moved in with my estranged father, whom I have not spoken to in twenty years (I am his only child). My husband has asked me to talk to my father and ask him to kick my son out so that he is forced to find a job and live independently.

What would you do?

Are you still paying for his phone, car insurance, etc. If so, cut it off.

This is OP. I stopped paying for his phone, car insurance, gym membership, and golf fee last month. I heard that my father covers that cost and gives him an unlimited credit card.

Anonymous wrote:My 22-year-old son graduated from college in March 2025 and landed a very high-paying job—$170K plus stock options—with an AI startup. He left the job after only three months because, according to him, it was impacting his mental health. He has not worked for the past six months. Currently, he is living at home and spends most of his time at the gym, learning Spanish, and playing golf, guitar, and piano.

My husband wants him to get a job and move out of the house, but my son says he wants to spend another year 'finding' himself. My husband and son argue all the time over this; on Monday, it got so heated that my husband told him to leave. My son left and moved in with my estranged father, whom I have not spoken to in twenty years (I am his only child). My husband has asked me to talk to my father and ask him to kick my son out so that he is forced to find a job and live independently.

What would you do?

Are you still paying for his phone, car insurance, etc. If so, cut it off.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

BS. That's why so many males are POS husbands, fathers, and basically worthless, because you women are sickening and baby these males. He is 22 years of age and old enough to drink, vote, smoke, drive, own a weapon, fight in a war, and fucckk. When do you consider males men, age 30, 35, 40.

Those large startup salaries are for venture funded ones.
Preventure startups pay less.

Anonymous wrote:I quit a great job on account of stress and looking back, it was more lack of grit and common sense than mental health.

I do think a lot of the younger generation don't have grit. They've gone too far with the "mental health wellness" thing.

I fear my 17 yr old DD also doesn't have much grit. She's dropped two AP classes because she was getting a C and didn't want to study that hard to just get a C.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

No, being a man of leisure is not productive. If he wants a year off, he should figure out a way to pay for it. Dad is entirely within his rights.

+1

Parents are enabling their children to be entitled, unproductive adults, in the same what a co-dependent person enables another to be an alcoholic or drug addict.

I blame the parents in many of these cases.

Preach - Both of you!
Nothing but the truth.

Not really, you're talking about outliers. OP's kid is not one of them in all probability.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you shot too high with the 170k income in your story

Right? 😅

I work for AWS, and most of recent CS grads make around 200K per year. One 23-year-old guy makes 300K per year.

wow is AWS a startup? no? oh yeah the zirp era is over by the way, good luck finding 170k startup gigs. And that 23 year old is just collecting advanced severance payments these days.

A lot of AI startup pay recent grad AI software engineers 200k with a lot of RSUs. 170k is on the low side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you shot too high with the 170k income in your story

Right? 😅

I work for AWS, and most of recent CS grads make around 200K per year. One 23-year-old guy makes 300K per year.

wow is AWS a startup? no? oh yeah the zirp era is over by the way, good luck finding 170k startup gigs. And that 23 year old is just collecting advanced severance payments these days.

What do you consider a startup? Databricks is paying $250k salary and with options the total package can exceed $500k.

Most of the well funded AI companies are paying $200k+ to recent college grads with ML and other AI capabilities…they just don’t hire that many people.

Sure let's call Databricks a startup? What are you smoking?