Anonymous
Post 01/29/2026 07:08     Subject: Re:Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Bad reason. Go to the local public if you like the school, it’s more logistically practical for commuting or finances. If you go in with the idea that it builds a neighborhood community you will likely be disappointed.

1. Unless 80-90% of neighborhood kids go to the public AND you are in a kid dense neighborhood, you don’t have the same vibe you are seeking.
2. If the school is not well rated, kids/parents you meet will start moving out to private or moving to a different area around 3-5. If the middle school is not well rated expect to see many people leaving.
3. I’m not so sure that intentionally going to school with kids from very low socioeconomic environments actually builds cross over communities. It usually doesn’t as parents have different responsibilities, kids clump with kids like themselves. You actually end up seeing more racial intermixing at schools where the socioeconomic level is similar.
4. You don’t want to come off as being there to save the school. Ie your presence as a rich white lady is so uplifting and such a sacrifice!


100 percent agree with these


+1. Also going to low SES schools will not build community if you are middle or UMC. Parents are not involved at school, no PTA or bare bones, not many birthday parties or community events, etc….

It’s the schools with lots of middle and UMC families that have a lot more school events and lots more parents involved and volunteering at the school.

Above a generalization but overall true.


OP: I understand this logic. We are an UMC family and only looking into top performing schools in higher home value neighborhoods where most ES families send their kids to public.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2026 22:34     Subject: Re:Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Bad reason. Go to the local public if you like the school, it’s more logistically practical for commuting or finances. If you go in with the idea that it builds a neighborhood community you will likely be disappointed.

1. Unless 80-90% of neighborhood kids go to the public AND you are in a kid dense neighborhood, you don’t have the same vibe you are seeking.
2. If the school is not well rated, kids/parents you meet will start moving out to private or moving to a different area around 3-5. If the middle school is not well rated expect to see many people leaving.
3. I’m not so sure that intentionally going to school with kids from very low socioeconomic environments actually builds cross over communities. It usually doesn’t as parents have different responsibilities, kids clump with kids like themselves. You actually end up seeing more racial intermixing at schools where the socioeconomic level is similar.
4. You don’t want to come off as being there to save the school. Ie your presence as a rich white lady is so uplifting and such a sacrifice!


100 percent agree with these


+1. Also going to low SES schools will not build community if you are middle or UMC. Parents are not involved at school, no PTA or bare bones, not many birthday parties or community events, etc….

It’s the schools with lots of middle and UMC families that have a lot more school events and lots more parents involved and volunteering at the school.

Above a generalization but overall true.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2026 16:56     Subject: Re:Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:Bad reason. Go to the local public if you like the school, it’s more logistically practical for commuting or finances. If you go in with the idea that it builds a neighborhood community you will likely be disappointed.

1. Unless 80-90% of neighborhood kids go to the public AND you are in a kid dense neighborhood, you don’t have the same vibe you are seeking.
2. If the school is not well rated, kids/parents you meet will start moving out to private or moving to a different area around 3-5. If the middle school is not well rated expect to see many people leaving.
3. I’m not so sure that intentionally going to school with kids from very low socioeconomic environments actually builds cross over communities. It usually doesn’t as parents have different responsibilities, kids clump with kids like themselves. You actually end up seeing more racial intermixing at schools where the socioeconomic level is similar.
4. You don’t want to come off as being there to save the school. Ie your presence as a rich white lady is so uplifting and such a sacrifice!


100 percent agree with these
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2026 15:51     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's no guarantee that public school will help your family establish neighborhood friendships. People move A LOT and even neighbors who stick around might send their kids to private school or homeschool.


Good on op for at least trying though. Neighborhood communities and neighborhood friends are something that kids are missing.


thanks, PP

We'd also like to meet more parents and make family friends, too. In our increasingly online world - and before our kids get sucked into tons of weekend extracurriculars - we know the time to invest in making neighborhood friends is now!


Is it not possible to build community with neighbors without going to the local school? Is there no neighborhood association?


OP here. It should be possible, but it’s been surprisingly hard.

We live in an older neighborhood (about half of our neighbors are over 70 years old), and of the homes that still have children living in them, maybe 70% attend 12 or so different private schools. The kids seemed to hang out mostly with their school friends.

Yes, we have a neighborhood association but they plan only two holiday gatherings a year and most people don’t go.
Anonymous
Post 01/27/2026 13:26     Subject: Re:Choosing public to build our local community
Bad reason. Go to the local public if you like the school, it’s more logistically practical for commuting or finances. If you go in with the idea that it builds a neighborhood community you will likely be disappointed.

1. Unless 80-90% of neighborhood kids go to the public AND you are in a kid dense neighborhood, you don’t have the same vibe you are seeking.
2. If the school is not well rated, kids/parents you meet will start moving out to private or moving to a different area around 3-5. If the middle school is not well rated expect to see many people leaving.
3. I’m not so sure that intentionally going to school with kids from very low socioeconomic environments actually builds cross over communities. It usually doesn’t as parents have different responsibilities, kids clump with kids like themselves. You actually end up seeing more racial intermixing at schools where the socioeconomic level is similar.
4. You don’t want to come off as being there to save the school. Ie your presence as a rich white lady is so uplifting and such a sacrifice!
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2026 23:27     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's no guarantee that public school will help your family establish neighborhood friendships. People move A LOT and even neighbors who stick around might send their kids to private school or homeschool.


Good on op for at least trying though. Neighborhood communities and neighborhood friends are something that kids are missing.


thanks, PP

We'd also like to meet more parents and make family friends, too. In our increasingly online world - and before our kids get sucked into tons of weekend extracurriculars - we know the time to invest in making neighborhood friends is now!


School is not a place for adults to make friends. It's not set up for it, and the link between school and your actual neighborhood is tenuous (e.g., your street can easily be full of empty nesters and people with kids in HS or in private).

Funnily enough, you see this brought up somewhat often in the private school forum - people worried about picking the school where they'll gel with the other parents - and DCUM rightly tells them that's no basis for picking a school.

The way you meet your neighbors is to be out in your neighborhood, talk to people, volunteer in any neighnorhood activities, and host gatherings.
Anonymous
Post 01/26/2026 22:41     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's no guarantee that public school will help your family establish neighborhood friendships. People move A LOT and even neighbors who stick around might send their kids to private school or homeschool.


Good on op for at least trying though. Neighborhood communities and neighborhood friends are something that kids are missing.


thanks, PP

We'd also like to meet more parents and make family friends, too. In our increasingly online world - and before our kids get sucked into tons of weekend extracurriculars - we know the time to invest in making neighborhood friends is now!


Is it not possible to build community with neighbors without going to the local school? Is there no neighborhood association?
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2026 08:42     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There's no guarantee that public school will help your family establish neighborhood friendships. People move A LOT and even neighbors who stick around might send their kids to private school or homeschool.


Good on op for at least trying though. Neighborhood communities and neighborhood friends are something that kids are missing.


thanks, PP

We'd also like to meet more parents and make family friends, too. In our increasingly online world - and before our kids get sucked into tons of weekend extracurriculars - we know the time to invest in making neighborhood friends is now!
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2026 14:00     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:There's no guarantee that public school will help your family establish neighborhood friendships. People move A LOT and even neighbors who stick around might send their kids to private school or homeschool.


Good on op for at least trying though. Neighborhood communities and neighborhood friends are something that kids are missing.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 23:18     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
We started in private, switched to public during covid and are contemplating a switch back to private for middle school. The highly rated public school we have is fine, but the private has fantastic facilities and a more robust selection of athletics and extracurriculars. Tuition will not detract from savings/lifestyle. Ironically, there is more diversity at the local private schools than at our well regarded public. Quite frankly, ES until around 3rd grade is pretty much just playtime, so I would go public to start, get to know some of the neighborhood kids and reassess a switch in the next few years.

We weren’t going to explore private school again until HS. But the more I thought about it I came to think MS is a low stakes time to try a new environment and get a sense of whether the private school experience is truly a better fit versus a well polished package from a clever marketing department.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 23:02     Subject: Re:Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP this is a no brainer. I’m in DC. Definately private over DCPS. DCPS is a mess and teaches to the lowest common denominator.

Now if you were in a much, much better school district then the decision might be a little harder.

Lastly, no way would I prioritize being friends with neighbors or whatever over my kids education.

BTW OP, even if you decide to go DCPS, you will see lots of kids leave DCPS in upper elementary or by middle school.


Don’t take advice about education from an adult who can’t spell “definitely.” Especially when we have spell check option these days.


Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 07:07     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
We’re a family that can afford private, but my head and heart are in different places.

My heart says that it wants to try public for K through 5 to build community with our neighbors. Our local DCPS school is rated at 7 out of 10 on a public rating site, and our neighbors who sent their kids there are almost all happy with it (and most go onto public MS).

My head says that our kids will get a better education, be less stressed and more nurtured emotionally, exposed to more and varied core subjects (including foreign language and science in the core curriculum) from K—> on, and be safer (guns, behavioral issues) in private.

Personally, I fear the repercussions of starting my kid off with a silver spoon - and the reality that kids would be located all over DC, MoCo, and NoVa - will hurt our chances of building strong enduring family friendships.

We’re not religious, so we don’t belong to a church or synagogue and don’t have a channel to make friends over time that way.

How would you advise us to decide b/w public and private? We’ve tossed in applications to top privates JIC.




Just stop.

No private is "safer" from guns or drugs etc.. .That is absurd.
"behavioral issues" again you are an idiot. Private has just as many as public. Mommy & daddy donate kid stays, not to mention most privates have no counselors.

Send your kid to public you fool you need the help.





At least some public schools have major behavioral issues that the teachers struggle to address because the schools have limited authority to expel students. My mom worked in a public school for years as a school librarian—the same public school I went to for elementary school. She noticed a major decline in behavior toward the end, with classroom evacuations and the like. That never happened when I was a kid, but between iPhones, the Covid effect (kids not having to follow classroom rules for multiple years when they were at home) and many of the upper middle class families leaving the school, it slid into a Title I school with major issues.

The school closest to us (and by that I mean right behind our backyard) is a title I school with a lot of documented behavioral issues and extremely low test scores (eg at one point only 12% of the kids were meeting grade level standards in math). We chose Catholic school, and have encountered zero behavioral issues.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 22:10     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Maybe split the difference and switch to private for third grade. But if you turn down any private this year, that may make it harder to get in later.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 20:56     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Anonymous wrote:I would pick the school that's the best fit for your kids. We are in public but about half of the families we liked moved to private between grades 3-5. They had many reasons for moving but one was always because they couldn't find their community at public. You could always try out public K and make that effort to meet people and make friends and then determine if it's a good fit.


OP here. Thanks for the insight. It’s helpful to know that a significant minority will move their kids into private at 3rd grade; that would seem to really “eat into” community building years
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 20:55     Subject: Choosing public to build our local community
Pick the best fit. See how your public is. My kid has 27 kids in her K class. She was ok but she has 18 in 1st and it's north and day. I can imagine how amazing it would be with under 15 and no discipline kids who interrupt and wander around the classroom.