Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you need help with anything.

You have 2 choices: have the baby/don't have the baby.
If you have the baby: You have 2 choices: Keep it/don't keep it

Have you thought about those choices?

Whatever happens we will support you in your decision and still plan to help you get through college. If your girlfriend needs support let us know.

I know this feels really big, but in the end everything will work out. Let me know how we can support you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

You did good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

None of your choices was to propose to her, get married, and make this the beginning of their family? I think that might be one of the choices his GF would like.

Not OP and I'm glad she didn't because it is not her place to suggest what they should do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mid 20s son tells you his girlfriend of a year is pregnant and wants your advice.

They don’t know how far along she is and they have a joint appointment at planned parenthood in the next 48 hours.

What would you actually say?

If they are going to planned parenthood I would assume she is going to have an abortion. Totally their choice. And I would say let me know how I can help either before or after your appointment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

None of your choices was to propose to her, get married, and make this the beginning of their family? I think that might be one of the choices his GF would like.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I would figure out a way to let him know that getting married because of a surprise pregnancy is very, very likely to end in divorce and be extremely painful and disruptive to him, her and the baby. He should be clear with his GF that he will be supportive of either decision as he will be responsible for partial custody and child support no matter what happens to their relationship in the future but their relationship isn’t going to fast forward to marriage or living together because they are pregnant.

I also would not mention adoption at all. No mid twenties woman is going to go through pregnancy unless she wants to keep the baby or is too poor to travel out of a repressive state if they live in a ban/forced birth state.

Kids who are put up for adoption are very upset about that choice. I wouldn't say that's a choice anymore. There aren't closed adoptions anymore with DNA testing.

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is shocked that a mid twenties kid came to his mother for advice? He is not 16, he is 25 years old and hopefully, has a job, lives on his own and has health benefits. I don’t want to hear the posters who say, “ You should be happy he came to you.”

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is shocked that a mid twenties kid came to his mother for advice? He is not 16, he is 25 years old and hopefully, has a job, lives on his own and has health benefits. I don’t want to hear the posters who say, “ You should be happy he came to you.”