I’ve been fully remote and I actually don’t think it’s ideal in a lot of cases, like yours! I agree that you should seek out non-work community, but it doesn’t really solve for the fact that being a face on a screen can really dehumanize everyone in a WFH setup and lead to disconnection.

I’m sorry.

Anonymous wrote:My company doesn't even have offices so I've been WFH for 6 years and it won't be changing. I'm loathe to give it up for a job with an in office requirement because I have young kids and the flexibility is big (I don't even have set hours, no one cares when I work as long as I hit deadlines and billing minimums, and am responsive to clients).

But I get so lonely. My work doesn't even have a ton of calls, it's mostly email. I go so long without talking to people.

I sometimes go work at a coffee shop, and I have daily calls with my DH, but it doesn't always help. I just feel really isolated.

Turn on the tv

Anonymous wrote:I get that. I felt that way too when teleworking. And now we're 100% back in the office and I still feel lonely. Work just isn't good at social things anymore. Over the years I've tried to help senior management brainstorm ways to help with team building because less social interaction amongst coworkers is hurting our programs too.

I'm only 38, but work was so fun when I was in my 20s. We'd eat lunch together multiple times a week, happy hours, we'd travel together for work. NO ONE eats lunch together anymore, and I'm at a friendly office. Everyone just eats by themselves in the cafeteria or at their desk and decompresses from the hell that is our jobs. We do have happy hours quarterly. They help a lot with colleague interaction, but we had to stop them because they sounded too cheerful for doge and we didn't want to get in trouble.

I'd love a lunch friend.

Work was fun in your 20s because you were in your 20s! You probably had less responsibility at both work and home, maybe a shorter commute, more energy. Now you're almost 40 and you are a different person with different needs. So are your coworkers.

I'm a bit older than you and I love my 40s, but the things I find fun and energizing are just not the same as when I was 20.

I get lonely too. Im a single mom and due to the sensitive nature of the data I work with, I actually have to be at home and cant work at a coffee shop or anywhere else. It really gives me almost no adult interaction in real life.

...hm maybe I fill some of that with dcum

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this at all. I work so much better alone.

+1

Reach out to someone who you might want to do lunch with in your neighborhood. Someone who tired early and taking walks around you 😜

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this at all. I work so much better alone.

Me too but after a few years it's lonely. I've been doing it for 8 years and it's starting to get to me, at least I see parents at the bus stop

I also struggle with remote work, OP, and I am an introvert. I worked remotely for 2 weeks during Covid then went back to the office by choice. I wouldn't necessarily say no to an in-office job if you are worried about maintaining life-work balance. My current job and my former job both allow for remote days if you have a sick child or need to meet with the electrician or the weather is bad or it's the day before a holiday. I don't think that's rare anymore. Obviously a lot depends on your profession, but offices have also become a lot more casual. I am in leggings today, for example, because I didn't feel like putting on real pants, and it's nbd. Co-workers wear shorts and hoodies on occasion. I do fortunately have a 15 minute commute- obviously a long commute would be a non-starter.

Remote work definitely felt isolating, I had a hard time ignoring household tasks, it was harder to bounce questions off my supervisor when starting a new job, and even still I find it harder to focus at home. I don't socialize with my co-workers outside of work, but we all have a sense of camaraderie and are all happy to be a sounding board for each other. We've probably all met each other's kids at some point and have a genuine affection for each other, even if we're not "friends." We have a nice little culture where we leave our doors open if we are open to chatting or close our doors if we want to focus. I think there is value to little bits of human interaction during the workday, like bringing in a box of donuts for someone's birthday, taking a walk to Starbucks together on a nice day, etc. In our case, we always have a jigsaw puzzle going next to the coffee area.

[No, I am not saying in-office work is better for everyone. But for some people - even moms - it can be.]

Your job sounds like a dream to me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this at all. I work so much better alone.

NP here.

Comments like this aren't helpful. I work better alone, but I'm Gen X. My kid, who is about to graduate from college, definitely needs something that is full in-person or at least hybrid. He would be terrible at home.

My Gen X spouse is better in the office because it's quieter than being at home (with me). Their office of about 70 has about 10 who are in on any day.

And, OP, i'm sorry you feel isolated. Is it an option to take a walk with any neighbors during the day (like for 30 minutes around lunch)?

The problem with people like you is that you guys want to drag everyone else back into the office with you, regardless of whether or not that's best for us.

And I'm Gen X as well.

Watch chat TV / podcasts while you work. It soothes your human social senses

I honestly wish work would have open coffee hours one day a week during lunch. Put everyone who joins in random rooms with a max of 15 people (open a new room when more join). I get so lonely at work and never know what's going on with other offices.

I get that. I felt that way too when teleworking. And now we're 100% back in the office and I still feel lonely. Work just isn't good at social things anymore. Over the years I've tried to help senior management brainstorm ways to help with team building because less social interaction amongst coworkers is hurting our programs too.

I'm only 38, but work was so fun when I was in my 20s. We'd eat lunch together multiple times a week, happy hours, we'd travel together for work. NO ONE eats lunch together anymore, and I'm at a friendly office. Everyone just eats by themselves in the cafeteria or at their desk and decompresses from the hell that is our jobs. We do have happy hours quarterly. They help a lot with colleague interaction, but we had to stop them because they sounded too cheerful for doge and we didn't want to get in trouble.

I'd love a lunch friend.

Anonymous wrote:I'm much lonelier now that I'm back in the office. My group is small, and my work is solitary, so I don't get much social interaction regardless of where I do the work. But WFH allowed me more time to pursue activities after work. Now, I waste two hours commuting every day and usually don't have the time and energy to do social activities when I get home.

I agree and feel the same way. Surrounded by people but lonely anyway. I need to get my work done and go home on time because my days are shortened by the commute. I don’t really socialize at work because of how constrained my time is. Feels worse than being home alone and working, for me. Maybe it’s because at the office I see people who obviously have less on their plates than I do, hanging out and socializing all day instead of working and feel left out…??

I am remote 3 days a week no can do relate. I almost always go to the office 3-4 times a week. And I got a puppy for company.

I have a great family and friends and lots of hobbies and I go to the gym. But those long stretches with no one to talk to are tough for me.