Anonymous wrote:I'm 51 with teenagers and happy. Am I happy every second of the day? Hell no. But I have a good life with a lot of joy.

My advice to someone with little kids is build your communities and maintain a life and an identity outside of your children. Do not have all your adult friendships and interests derive from your children. Everyone is tired and busy and tired and busy. Invest in adult relationships, including your marriage. That is what will ultimately make your life happy.

52, and I agree. OP, remember that you are a person, first of all. Yes, you are a mother of young kids, but that’s a temporary stage in life, unlike a personhood. Have friends, have hobbies, have an identity separate from motherhood.

What don’t you like about your older relatives’ lives?

I'm 46 but I'm happy (despite the death of a parent, the dementia of another, tween drama, work stress, etc.). I mean, my life is not perfect but I'm happy.

I would say the majority of the retirees in our neighborhood seem very happy. Most of them are married, their children visit quite a bit, they are physically active, and they seem to be busy a lot.

Ignoring mental health issues, I'd say happiness is largely a choice. Of course awful things happen, but you can either wallow in those or be grateful for what you have. Maybe try reframing your narrative. Also, you're in the baby stage, which doesn't last forever.

I’m 59 and content, satisfied, happy with my life. The early parenting years were brutal for me, combined with challenging, stressful work and a deteriorating marriage.

But things are great now. I’m retired. I divorced about 10 years ago and have a lover. My young adult child is a lovely human being and we have a great relationship. I have friends with whom I go out, travel, and exercise. I’m healthy and fit and youthful. It’s a world of difference from 20-12 years ago. Divorce, my child growing into a wonderful adult, and retirement makes life now low-stress, flexible, and easy.

Like some PPs have noted, perspective and attitude are key. I’m sure some people would look at my life and find things to be unhappy about. But I’m very content. It can get much better, OP! You’re in the thick of the difficult years.

I’m 50. I’m happy.

I’m happily married to a man I love and respect. I have three kids (two in college, one in high school) who are good people that I enjoy being around. I work full time at a job where I’m paid reasonably well, work from home, and am treated with respect. I work out at the gym four times a week. I have a standing get together with two friends every other weekend. I’m an active volunteer with a non profit that helps people. I live in a neighborhood where I can go for a walk and will run into neighbors to say hi to. My parents, while getting older and showing that age, are still independent.

Be content.
Appreciate what you have specially health.

I am 64 and generally very happy. The only thing that gets in the way is too much work and work travel, but that is my choice since I can turn down work, and I have decided to start scaling back this year.

I have 2 great adult kids and 1 adorable grandchild, all of whom we see often. I like what I do and am recognized as an expert in my field (just got an award for that). I have a second home where we spend 3-4 months a year (working remotely). I can afford to outsource cleaning and landscaping and home renovations. I have travelled to 40+ countries and all but 3 states and enjoy traveling.

And I am in very good health. I am surprised to hear that all your mid-50s to 60's relatives have health issues. Most of my friends are healthy (obvious exceptions for a few who have had cancer scares, etc.).

When my kids were 1 and 3 I was stressed out by child care and full time work. It got better, and by the time they were in high school it was particularly fun.

Sadly one of the secrets is money. I am a high earner and no question that helps a lot now. Not sure it helped as much when the kids were tiny though (and we didn't have as much money then anyway).

You had your kids late. You're tired. You aren't optimistic. Nothing unusual here. But don't make yourself feel better by trashing other people, that they aren't doing it right.

Anonymous wrote:You are in a transient phase of parenting. If 1 and 3 year olds aren't your jam, it can be really tough!!

My kids are older now (I'm 45) and I am a much happier parent.

You need to figure out what "happy" means to you, because it means something different to everyone. I had a very lonely, dysfunctional childhood with a mentally unstable parent and abuse from an older person. Now, just being in a happy, healthy, safe home makes me very happy. I might look like a failure from the outside - I don't make a lot of money, I don't have an "important" job, I don't look like a supermodel and I don't drive a fancy car. But I love my little family and the life we've created.

I was very unhappy when my kids were babies/toddlers/pre-k. I just am not a good “baby” parent and I love parenting kids/teens so much more. I think there’s a bit of stigma here- you’re supposed to love innocent babies and teens are supposed to be a pain in the butt, but I found the constant nature of parenting babies to outweigh their innocence and cuteness and I was an exhausted, unhappy parent. And I also don’t really miss those days either!

I always hear it is like a horseshoe- people are happy through their 20s, then 30s/40s are stressful with little kids, work, trying to save money/build a nest egg, etc., but then the kids grow up and happiness comes back around. I'm surprised about your sample of unhappy people in their 50s and 60s; most people I know in their mid50s-early70s are living their best lives. I am 44, my kids are 6, 11, and 14, and I can already see how by 50 we will be in a really sweet spot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wealthy #DINKWADS# seem to be living it up and loving life in their 60s and beyond but, like you, that ship has sailed for me so not sure what the best answer is.

Well they won’t be so happy when they live to their 90s with the current state of longevity and there’s no one to look out for them

Eh. I don't plan to tap my kids to do any of this for me either because I want them to live their own lives and care for their own families. They've always known what the future holds, they will be fine.

Anonymous wrote:The wealthy #DINKWADS# seem to be living it up and loving life in their 60s and beyond but, like you, that ship has sailed for me so not sure what the best answer is.

What is a Dinkwad? You seem to aspire to be one? English is not my first language (I am French.)

I am! Our kids are through college, have steady jobs and 2 own houses/property. The 3rd lives overseas in a lovely rental. I'm working on my creative business and looking at getting my master's degree just for fun. We travel a lot, have some fun house projects planned, and DH is still working, but he does consulting so it's at his own pace. Life is Good!

I’m happy. I work very part time, plus care for an elderly relative part time, and live frugal. I have no partner. I put my kids first, and have the time to spend with them on their breaks from college etc.
advice - don’t accumulate debt, stay healthy, save way WAY more than you think you’ll need, and be happy with less.

I'm 51 with teenagers and happy. Am I happy every second of the day? Hell no. But I have a good life with a lot of joy.

My advice to someone with little kids is build your communities and maintain a life and an identity outside of your children. Do not have all your adult friendships and interests derive from your children. Everyone is tired and busy and tired and busy. Invest in adult relationships, including your marriage. That is what will ultimately make your life happy.

Anonymous wrote:

I don't personally know any older women living a life I would be happy with.

This is probably about you, not them. Not whether they are happy-enough. They have some wisdom that you do not, because you haven't lived what they have lived. From the outside looking-in, you can't know much

I'm 82, widowed a couple of years ago. I'm in good health, still work part time, have many friends, and travel a lot. I'm certainly still grieving my husband, but I'd say I'm quite content.

I found toddlers to be the hardest age. It will get better. Time goes slowly with young kids, but now it seems like it was a fairly small part of my life- and a very challenging one.