Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 04:02     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:Plenty of happy medium very good private schools like Tufts, Richmond, Holy Cross, Bucknell, Boston College and Colgate.


Not even close to the experience this kid is looking for.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 03:25     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:How do you convince DC that flagship state schools are not all that they seem? DC is at a small private and is obsessed with finding the “college experience” of football, social life, community etc but has always been in small classes, small social circles, easy access to resources etc.
Send them to public for senior year to get a Tarte of the flagship experience
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 21:46     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
How do I convince OP that small private schools aren’t everything she’s making them out to be? How do I convince OP that it’s her kid’s life to live and not hers?
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 21:41     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Why do you need to convince them? They have their opinions and you have yours. Since it’s their college experience, their opinion matters - not yours.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 21:07     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:Accept the kid you have, op. Your kid finds the small school suffocating. Be proud your kid is confident enough to tackle a big world.


+1
I went to a tiny college and was just sure my DC would want the same thing. How wrong I was! They chose a large school and dove headfirst into all the opportunities they could. I'm still so amazed at DC's confidence as compared to mine at that age.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 21:03     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:OP my DC was similar, went to a small school and really thought he wanted the opposite for college early in the discussions (spring of sophomore year). However, as he developed more academic interests, started thinking about majors etc that started to change. It became even more clear with college tours, he didn't think the large lecture hall style classes were ideal for him, also worried about ability to get classes he wanted/needed which is harder at large publics.
My advice is don't worry, just help your DC get exposure to a variety of college types; start exploring the academic side so that they can make balanced choices and support their ultimate decision.


Please stop the blanket statements, like the bolded. I have kids at three different state universities and none of them have had a hard time getting the classes they needed. They started working with their assigned advisors summer before freshman year even started and have been guided very well since then. They also don't have huge classes.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 21:01     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a small private high school and wanted nothing to do with smaller private colleges because of this. He wanted a change. He's currently at a top OOS public and loving it. Your kid knows what's best for them and what will make them happy. Let it be.


Just fyi - these are not always the same. Many, many adolescents don't know "what's best for them."


Neither do their parents. That’s the thing about life. You have to start living it to figure out what’s best for you and what makes you happy.

And 18 year olds aren’t adolescents.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 20:57     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:? My kid is at a large flagship and doing great. My other kid can't wait to go to an oos flagship that's even bigger.

Maybe your kid found the small private suffocating and doesn't want that same experience in college.


+100
This was exactly my DC. Chose a large state school and has never been happier! There are so many opportunities available that simply wouldn't have been at a smaller school similar to DC's insular private. Classes are not huge, as some would have you believe, and once you get into your major classes, they're actually quite small. Advising has been great, social opportunities abound - in short, DC's world has completely opened up compared to their experience at a small private.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 16:53     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
State flagships, even while paying out of state are worth every dollar. You have a pile of majors to choose from. There are kids from all backgrounds and experiences. DC has to learn survival and social skills that you need in your professional life and to be an adult. If you are aggressive, academic, and street smart you can leverage these institutions in a massive way. DC just has to advocate and work the system. Surprisingly you can still have fun, get a great education, and attend elite graduate programs. Is this so bad?
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 15:32     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:Maybe they weren’t what you wanted but maybe they are what your kid wants. I don’t think that you can empirically say that flagships, particular those viewed as excellent reputationally (UVA, UNC, UTA, UM, UCLA, UCB, WIS,) aren’t “what they’re cracked up to be,”


+1 I wanted a big school with big tailgate and football…and to be anonymous.

It totally surprised me that my sons are the opposite. Neither wanted a Michigan, UNC, VT, etc. And both def didn’t want Greek—I was with them on that.

Mid-size privates seem to be their fit. Neither really is a football fan. Basketball and soccer, yes. Lots of midsize big east schools give the b-ball fix for the one.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 14:46     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do you convince DC that flagship state schools are not all that they seem? DC is at a small private and is obsessed with finding the “college experience” of football, social life, community etc but has always been in small classes, small social circles, easy access to resources etc.


This is a description of most public state flagship Honors Colleges.



+1000 best of both worlds. So many more research opportunities at the large R1 institutions (many are state flagships). And honors college usually gives access to professors, small classes, special opportunities, etc.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 14:00     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Accept the kid you have, op. Your kid finds the small school suffocating. Be proud your kid is confident enough to tackle a big world.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 13:57     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:My kid went to a small private high school and wanted nothing to do with smaller private colleges because of this. He wanted a change. He's currently at a top OOS public and loving it. Your kid knows what's best for them and what will make them happy. Let it be.


Just fyi - these are not always the same. Many, many adolescents don't know "what's best for them."
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 13:29     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
Anonymous wrote:How do you convince DC that flagship state schools are not all that they seem? DC is at a small private and is obsessed with finding the “college experience” of football, social life, community etc but has always been in small classes, small social circles, easy access to resources etc.


But they are exactly as they seem, OP. What's the issue? Does your kid want something different than from what you want? Maybe your DC is ready for something different?
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 13:26     Subject: Flagship Avoidance
As public universities go, UVa is smaller than many. Much smaller than VT or UMich or UCLA.

Agree with a PP. Have DC apply to mix of different types of schools. Then decide once acceptances are in hand.